Dr Faustus

why, what happened?

i used to love how deano would turn and clap fans singing his name, regardless of what was going on around him, or his position on the pitch... and how he vainly believed a cap would hide a bald spot the size of farnworth. still he and ricketts the subject of my favourite ever chant

fook me... i'd disappoint that

looks like i posted this in the wrong place too soon! http://www.wanderersways.com/forum/topic/80840-keeping-your-piss-in/?p=1315112

an evening of oakheart and jules holland!

all very sinister...

slightly off topic... It surprised me- It caught me off guard An initial gentle discomfort But now its coming hard Like a knife in my bowels Like someone has turned a screw One consonant and two vowels I really need a poo Could not come at a worse time Totally inconvenient Drop everything before I drop my guts To find a public convenience The pain is just sheer agony It cripples me inside I have to fight against it Before it dribble out m’backside Doubled up in two I make my way to the gents Ignore the stained stainless steel Ignore the awful stench With one half open eye I squirm, and bolt the door In fear of dirt and germs From those who’ve been before Like a scene from a horror movie My surroundings are damp and cold There is no bowl of pot pouri And I am hoping that’s just mould The loo is a dark matt grey It bears a horseshoe seat A thousand fluids inside it Two thousand, just not bleach The chain hangs above my head All that’s missing is the noose But my guts a filled with lead And my bowels are coming loose This is an emergency Although my feet are wet Now is the time for action Not cubicle etiquette I squat and close my eyes I begin to fear the worse Though a little grateful At least the movements not reversed I tense and straighten every sinew I grab hold of the rim I have had some bad experiences But this is going to be grim It all comes rather sudden A burning sensation takes control My body feels possessed As the Devil takes my soul… I let out a little scream A little steam, a little gas Fear for a moment I passed my spleen Before a crescendo and a splash Then the battle is over As quickly as it begun But it was only a raging battle The war is still to be won Slowly recovering from my wounds (This was a real stinger) I look down in the bowl I’ve given birth to King Kongs finger Feeling nothing but relief Freed from its venom Sat there looking at me With more fudge than all of Devon I wonder what has caused this This beast released from my colon How on Earth did I make it? How on Earth did I hold on? Was it something I ate? Was it deeper, was it Karma? I decide to wave goodbye And say sayonara Reaching out for the paper Met by an empty roll A bitter twist of fate A pity on my hole With steely determination I pull a Metro from my bag It tears through my haemorrhoids Leaves my a#se like a Japanese flag Bloodied, battered, and broken I step forward to complete my mission I pull the chain firmly To hear a gurgle from the cistern I pull the chain again Still it will not flush ….I wrap my hand in newspaper And give it a little push Half submerged in water Like that scene in Titanic I try it again, but the fudge won’t budge Now I begin to panic I flush one final time The water bubbles and overflows Pull up my kecks and trousers Make lightly on my toes I quickly rinse my hands No hot water, not even soap But the only way I’d feel clean Is with an exorcism from the Pope Dirty and defeated I hang my head and leave Pass a bloke in the entrance Behind me I hear him heave Was it the smell that made him ill? Was it the 2lb mound and splatter? Either it was two nil Two nil to faecal matter

i look forward to six days of morning on sky, with piss heads from the world over being flown in to celebrate his life...

door staff were great, but normally marched out and everywhere closed... we football fans are a whimsical bunch- tendency to change

fucking cocks... saw fuck all personally- thought the bridge was going to go off. surprised the town centre pubs were open... sirens were flashing like fuck

nay, tis vic's lad. played Bournemouth Pier and shot his wonder stuff after a dizzy spell.

...to the pub!

the club I couldnt give a fuck about, but I am yet to meet a fan who isn't a grade a wanker. have now been roped in, apparently less than 300 remaining as of 1600 today

I believe the pc term is either pie-eyed or pontoon

I started the season with two kids STs, and I have been utilising the clubtogether scheme. I couldn't get a ticket for Leeds, so it has proved to be financially viable. the second half of the season will have fewer games on the scheme, so I am purchasing a half ST- has been ideal for me. plus I am sick of NSU

five pages five pages and these are the only tits on show? standards are slipping!

20 nuggets, and a strawberry milkshake large enough to make Michael Barrymore wince will sort out any hangover. This or a large BaileyBu

Me too fella, should be good. Have seen them a few times, can't beat a match and a gig of a Saturday. Might see you there

Kenyon Way, circa 1992

yes! Angus is a pervert

ooh wackadoo what a day? Go fuck yourself with a broken bottle. Slightly off topic, but the amount of annoying 'direct marketers' who mither me as i walk through Salford precinct are really starting to piss me off... Fucking all sorts of shite. I will one day turn all Rex Kramer on them!

Seriously fucked... Doubt it possible to reap what you sew, but this fucker will be maimed

Weirdly, lead singer of bluetones supporting shed this year... Unless you of course knew that!

...like being called a nervous wreck, and working up another sweat for you.

is this about the banks of the mersey in stockport?? any hoot theres things that i regret