Anyone can join in, feel free to add new categories etc.

 

I'll start with...

 

 

Slalom Lager

 

COST: 8/10 ?1.09 per litre bottle.

 

STRENGTH: 5/10 Was about 3.8%

 

PISSINESS: 6/10 Tasted alright, but you'd need at least 3x1L bottles to get a 'buzz' on.

 

REDEEMING FEATURE: 7/10 Prepared you for your first trip to Spain and those dirt cheap litre bottles of San Miguel, Xibeca, Cruzcampo, Mahou etc.

 

PUB SMUGGLABILTY: 2/10 Only disguisable by salad dodgers.

 

STREET CREDIBILITY/NICKABILITY: 5/10 Unusual and quite hard to find, an unknown quantity - you could pretend you were a Compton 'Gangsta' (we were supping this when 'Boyz n The Hood' first came out). Rip the label off and you could act like it was Barr Pop - if it got 'on top' .

Edited November 18, 201114 yr by Youri McAnespie

 

Breaker and Colt 45 (aka The Gruesome Twosome.)

 

COST: 2/10 ?3.40+ per 4 pack. I could afford it due to looking older and charging a small commission when I went for everyone's order. Sometimes I had to make 3 trips to carry it all - the shopkeeper loved me..."can I have 16 bottles of Concorde (for the girls), 12 bottles of Strongbow, two Olde English, a crate of kestrel, two four packs of Miller Lite and one pack each of Colt 45 and Breaker please, Oh! and a pack of Gold Label and a can of Ribena...".

 

STRENGTH: 9/10 Said they were 5.4% on the can - bollocks, they were a lot stronger. I think they carried on brewing in the can, under those striplit shelves that kept the beer nice and warm in the corner shop.

 

PISSINESS: 1/10 Breaker was pure wet dog, Colt 45 tasted like nectar after a tin of Breaker.

 

REDEEMING FEATURE: 5/10 Thin tin made it easy to puncture - making 'shotguns' easy to do.

 

PUB SMUGGLABILTY: 8/10 Some Pubs sold Breaker so you didn't have to sneakily decant into a pint glass. Buy a four pack of each - drink two of each on way to Town, then stick the rest down your sleeves or in your waistband, job's a good 'un.

 

STREET CREDIBILITY/NICKABILITY: 5/10 Due to it's cost/strength you felt like the cock of the walk, when in fact you were just a cock. If you walked down the street supping from a can of either of these you'd be bang to rights - so you had to drink in out of the way places, like a bunch of bloody tramps (albeit Lacoste and Sergio Tacchini clad ones).

 

 

Re-reading that, I've just realised - I was a Proto-Chav

Edited November 18, 201114 yr by Youri McAnespie

good topic, but been done to death on here.

 

Labatts btw.

good topic, but been done to death on here.

 

Labatts btw.

 

Why does that not surprise me? I've been on the wagon two months now, hence the nostalgia.

Labatts, that did have it's time in the sun (like canned Budweiser, Miller, Molson etc.)

It wasn't that bad if I remember right - certainly better than Carling Black Label or 'aussie' piss like Castlemaine XXXX or Fosters.

 

Didn't Maxims sell it on draught (and pourback/slops) at one point?

Greenall Whitley bitter and it's cunningly entitled 'German' lager equivalent - Grunhalle. Jesus....

Can't be arsed doing the pictures but:

 

Fosters

Joseph Holts Diamond

Joseph Holts Crystal

Can't be arsed doing the pictures but:

 

Fosters

Joseph Holts Diamond

Joseph Holts Crystal

 

Do you remember when Joseph Holts had 'Regal' lager, "ooh that sounds a posh one" no it's not you dumb bitch, it's lager spelt backwards

Kwik Save's finest, 20p a can, 2.2%. Rancid

 

BCG's dad is the king of shit beers. FACT

 

 

 

never mind yesteryear - stella, it's rank

 

in the dim and distant, sapporo, served in the downstairs brunels on bank street

Stones bitter, would rather sup a pint of piss.

Wilsons bitter

 

Lion bitter

 

Both awful

never mind yesteryear - stella, it's rank

 

in the dim and distant, sapporo, served in the downstairs brunels on bank street

 

 

Good Lord. I think even I thought the ceilings were low in there.

Skol

Kwik Save's finest, 20p a can, 2.2%. Rancid

 

 

I tried a pack of them once - just out of pure curiosity. It tasted like fizzy water with the contents of a pub's slop trays tipped in. I obviously didn't get pissed/merry but, they gave me one of the worst, behind the eyes headaches I've ever had. I don't know what they made this 'bitter' with but I don't think it was malt 'n' hops - more likely carbonated water, ethanol and beer 'flavourings' and 'colourings'.

 

 

Was once going to a gig on a Sunday, in the days when even off licences couldn't serve in the afternoon.

We negotiated a under the counter deal with a shopkeeper, but the only booze he had in the volume we required was this piss...We all probably drank an average of about 12-13 cans apiece and not one of us was even talking loudly

 

Other cheap corner shop shite along the lines of Royal Dutch included:

 

Haagen Lager (grey can - the worst of the worst).

 

Stein Lager (light blue can - another Blackburn brew pretending to be German).

 

Baltic Lager (500ml cans - you physically couldn't drink enough to get pissed).

 

Stryke Lager (What was worrying about this is we thought they also made matches - not knowing cash and carries often make up their own brands).

 

Sapporro - that was the Japanese one in the thick can, you peeled the entire lid off like a can of beans? Proper 80s yuppie 'designer' beer. Nicked a can of it once (wasn't paying ?1.80 for one) - couldn't see what the fuss was about.

Edited November 18, 201114 yr by Youri McAnespie

BCG's dad is the king of shit beers. FACT

 

 

 

 

Not to forget Prism and Saracen.

 

Thankfully he's grown out of that phase, he only drinks quality beers now.

Reet, up my street is this. First of all most cant`ale is utter shite and will never replicate a draught beer. Bottles are ok, well some of em. Real ale in bottles are shite, not too long ago you could buy a good ale in a bottle and it would keep a good head. Now these ales are like supping lucosade and they never keep a head. All these do is make me belch n fart.

But shite ale many moons ago were plenty, Double Diamond, Watney`s party cans,Skol, Kestral. Hemeling,to name a few. Some of those were on sale before the invention of the ring pull.

Now I don`t sup any beer from a tin, bottle or nitrokeg unless I`m desperate. I only sup real ale on hand pump or red wine.

ASDA Biere Speciale or whatever it's called.

 

Two slurps and the bottle is empty, costs about ?1.99 for a dozen

Whatever happened to 'ice' beer.

 

Everyone seemed to be doing them and then all of a sudden they disappeared.

 

 

Some cracking alcoholic advertising nostalgia here:

http://www.headington.org.uk/adverts/drinks_alcoholic.htm

e.g.

Mackeson - It looks good, tastes good, and by golly it does you good.

Edited November 18, 201114 yr by SatanGreavsie

Greenhalls bitter?

Whatever happened to 'ice' beer.

 

Everyone seemed to be doing them and then all of a sudden they disappeared.

 

They were tasteless shite - hence drank by slack jawed pooftas who didn't like the taste of beer.

As soon as kiddie drinks like WKD/Smirnoff Ice etc. came on the scene they moved onto that, so no more demand for 'Ice Beers'.

 

Around the same time nearly every pub had 'extra cold' pumps, WTF was that all about? "No, I prefer my lager slightly warm, thanks anyway..."

 

Diamond lager - that took me back, literally, to a time when I drank for the effect not the taste. Tennents Extra (5%) was about ?1.79 a pint and was a decent enough drop. Diamond was ?1.19 a pint and varied in strength from barrel to barrel (5% to 7%+) according to the landlord, it was fucking rank - but due to the cost we'd all sit around drinking it with grimaces on our faces for the first three pints...

Edited November 18, 201114 yr by Youri McAnespie

Some cracking alcoholic advertising nostalgia here:

http://www.headington.org.uk/adverts/drinks_alcoholic.htm

e.g.

Mackeson - It looks good, tastes good, and by golly it does you good.

 

Pity there's no picture, it wouldn't surprise me if that tagline was accompanied by a cartoon of a grinning Golliwog enjoying a pint.

 

How come there's hardly any beer adverts on these days? I've heard (well saw on 'The Apprentice') that you can't infer the product will make you more successful with women, popular etc. How did Carlsberg get round this? I'm thinking of the fit women/apartment advert.

 

I can still remember some of the jingles from when I was a nipper, it's no wonder I've been a borderline alcoholic.

 

I bet most on here who are 33+ years can fill in the blanks...

 

"...I wish I was in ********* ******* land where beer is cool... That girl behind the bar, but most of all ********* ******* most of all I'm missing you..."

 

" Australians wouldn't give a ********** **** for anything else..." Nah, they'd just ship it over here.

 

" **********, **********, it's a lager not a tune..."

 

"...For a beer with a head so creamy light, he'd drop to earth by meteorite...D'ya think lad's alriiight?"

 

They were all a load of crap though, but catchy tunes

 

Someone gave Stella a knocking - It used to be alright when it was brewed in Belgium (silver top can), when they started brewing it under license over here (gold top can) it turned into canned wet-dog drip.

 

IMO you can't go wrong with either...

 

Bottled:

 

Pivovar ?1.09 from Asda. It's sold as Eisbrau/Czech lager at other supermarkets.

 

 

Canned:

 

Lech is ?4-?5 per four pack from nearly everywhere. A word of warning though, that Tyskie Polish lager you'll see next to the Lech is 100% loony juice - a proper Jekyll and Hyde potion (AVOID!)

Edited November 18, 201114 yr by Youri McAnespie