Crapping when you're a guest in someone else's - it's a minefield imo...

 

I'm someone who like time and space, used to enjoy a cig or two when I smoked, perhaps the odd tin of ale too.

 

Not a fan of shitting somewhere unfamiliar.

 

Once, as a guest of some girl (d cup) in Madrid the situation was so awkward I checked into that fleapit near the prozzy corner on Gran Via some lads off here stayed at for Atletico, but just to use the throne - I suppose I could've shat in McDonalds or sommat but I wasn't thinking straight - I did also briefly have a kip there too, odd though, even I admit that.

 

I'll bet the monsters on here let rip loudly, kick up a stink, stand up to wipe with scrunched roll, drop it ont floor and leave a token pebbledash marker when they clean the bog.

I was at Norton Canes services last week, and in the gents a bloke was having the noisiest shit i have ever heard. Wasn't me, by the way.

 

He honestly sounded like a firework had gone off up his arse and a weeks worth of biz was being blown out.

 

You know its an event when total strangers in service station bogs are asking each other - whilst giggling - if they think the bloke in the trap is ok.

I had a poo at South Mimms services the other week. It was a horrific experience, especially as i think the bloke in the trap next door was knocking one out

Edited November 30, 20169 yr by Sweep

Anyone else hold fire till the hand dryer goes off?

I was going to play the Roobarb theme on mi phone this evening in some spotless bano overseas (thinly veiled) the woman attendant was hovering cleaning and generally hinting she wanted to lock up, putting me reet off letting rip with a gaggle of geese rudely awakened...She'd removed the shitpaper bin an' all so it went down the pan...

Never been embarrassed to have a shit anywhere

 

Had some in some pretty minging places bit when you gotta go

Having a shit in vegas at New York New York three traps down fella just shouted out " well ain't this swell, were all shitting here together in Las Vegas" he farted the as he empiteod his bowells he started singing Sweet Home Alabama

 

Personally worse I've done is shit in the staff toilet at Aldi near Brum day after we got relegated from the prem, stuck in traffic I got that rumbling feeling cold stomach, I had to go... I was in agony, managed to get to the nearest place was aldi, ran in begged them to tell me where the shitter was, no customer toilets they said, wailed in pain did I, they took pity, said I could use the staff toilet. I went in one of them had to stand guard as I was near he stock room, I shit for Britain,exploded,

 

Went to flush and broke the fucking thing The bloke on guard was getting a bit pushy as the shop was due to open.

 

I ran some cold water a quick spray of the glade evertree air freshener and bolted as quick as I came in.

 

 

I'm horrified at what the staff possibly had to endure that day

Pissed up, drugged up or desperate it's a different matter. Different kettle of fish to the regular set your watch by it bowel movements...

Having a shit in vegas at New York New York three traps down fella just shouted out " well ain't this swell, were all shitting here together in Las Vegas" he farted the as he empiteod his bowells he started singing Sweet Home Alabama

 

Personally worse I've done is shit in the staff toilet at Aldi near Brum day after we got relegated from the prem, stuck in traffic I got that rumbling feeling cold stomach, I had to go... I was in agony, managed to get to the nearest place was aldi, ran in begged them to tell me where the shitter was, no customer toilets they said, wailed in pain did I, they took pity, said I could use the staff toilet. I went in one of them had to stand guard as I was near he stock room, I shit for Britain,exploded,

 

Went to flush and broke the fucking thing The bloke on guard was getting a bit pushy as the shop was due to open.

 

I ran some cold water a quick spray of the glade evertree air freshener and bolted as quick as I came in.

 

 

I'm horrified at what the staff possibly had to endure that day

They bent the rules and did you a solid and what did you do in return? Deck out their staff haven like Bobby Sands after a dodgy curry and let loose with the Lactulose.

Never been embarrassed to have a shit anywhere

 

Had some in some pretty minging places bit when you gotta go

 

Indeed.

 

Burnden Paddock - New Years day match after a New Year's eve on the Guinness. When you gotta go, you gotta go.

 

Was like that shitter from  the bookies in Trainspotting. No bog roll, obviously

I'm sure the cleaner at work follows me around waiting for me to have a shit, 3 bogs at our place, and I average 3 shits a working day,try to vary the location but she's always there when I come out.

One of the most close encounters with shitting mesen happened in a bookies, a kind of bar/bookies/cafe place just off the ferry port in La Gomera, I could feel that curdling stomach feeling that immediately fills your bowel with explosive liquid shit and dived in this place...Bog door was locked and I spied the key on a big three bi two plank behind the counter, the bloke in charge was doing that typical Spanish 'in a minute' handwaving gesture and watching a horse race on the screens as I frantically tried to remember the word for 'key' to go with my pleas of 'bano' 'aseos' etc.

 

He mustn't have needed a translation to my english shout of 'give me the fucking key before I shit myself!' as he then chucked it to me with great urgency and look of concern...

 

As I unloaded barely in time to get my keks down I did think of Renton in Trainspotting.

Edited November 29, 20169 yr by Youri McAnespie

Being sick in Benidorm Airport toilets whilst both my neighbours were having noisy poos. A new low point in my life.

I do my utmost best not to shit anywhere but my own toilet.

I'm sure the cleaner at work follows me around waiting for me to have a shit, 3 bogs at our place, and I average 3 shits a working day,try to vary the location but she's always there when I come out.

 

Spot the coprophile.

I do my utmost best not to shit anywhere but my own toilet.

 

 

Pretty sure that goes for most of us.

 

When I travel for work or holidays, on return it is amazing that I instantly go for a good empty out on my own throne.

As long as it's my domain or shared with understanding parties then I'm fine - hotel room bogs, whole apartment or villa bogs etc. It's sharing or bogs with constant use and demand I don't like, brings out forced turds like a chihuahua's and near aneurysms to produce 'em.

 

I agree though there's no throne like home, normal service is resumed - big bran logs and one swift wipe of the nipsy and away.

Being sick in Benidorm Airport toilets whilst both my neighbours were having noisy poos. A new low point in my life.

I owe a debt of gratitude of a nextdoor neighbour who dropped in to have the noisiest and smelliest of shits in Sofia Airport once, I'd been dryheaving until their appearance and they inspired the bile floodgates to open and the 'over the worst now' euphoria of puking almost all the previous nights aldehydes out. I'd have perished on, or been met by the police off, on landing of that flight without the clearout.

Edited November 30, 20169 yr by Youri McAnespie

Spot the coprophile.

Had to google that, not sure it works out.

 

Not surprised that you were aware of the word though.

Spot the coprophile.

I'm sure the cleaner at work follows me around waiting for me to have a shit, 3 bogs at our place, and I average 3 shits a working day,try to vary the location but she's always there when I come out.

Lucky man.

 

Unless it's a Monday or Friday I'm screwed all day. I've had to retrain my bowels.

 

I've had to make a few visits to sainsburys in bispham over the years mind.

 

 

Is it a cigar in a wall?

Had to google that, not sure it works out.

 

Not surprised that you were aware of the word though.

 

 

  As long as you mean that I appear to be a lexicon lover and not inferring that I am interested in faecal matter. I can assure you that I am completely uninterested in bodily excretions other than my own being regular.

 

Do not confuse me with that urolagniac LW!

 

BTW, I was suggesting that the cleaner was a coprophile, not your good self. Works then dunnit?

Edited November 30, 20169 yr by bolty58

only time i've not enjoyed a shit was when out and about and there's no bog roll

 

was in some restaurant in Edinburgh

 

was a messy one and only realised at the end there wasn't any paper about

 

only cubicle in there and no sign of anything i could use

 

tried to text the girl I was with but couldn't get a signal

 

it was one of those where it wasn't a clean break and I couldn't just up and leave, the clean up op was going to be a messy one

 

sat there for 10 mins in a bit of a panic before deciding to use my sock

 

ended up having to use both

 

then blocked the toilet trying to flush one

 

so hid the other underneath the bog brush in the holder

 

strolled back to my seat 20 minutes later like nothing had happened

 

"where have you been?"

 

"just having a shit"

I had that problem while working in India. Had to use my presentation handouts