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@Not in Crawley

How the fuck did you get that info about Brand?

I can remember when I went.

I was dating a really clean (beautiful) girl, and to be frank, I'd been with some scrubbers - post break-up with another girl. So wanted to get the all clear.

Anyhow I asked two mates who were old hands what I should expect.

They said "well they shove a swab down your jap"

"What? Like a cotton bud?"

"Yeah"

Night before I had a trial run with a Johnson + Johnson bud until the pain forced me to abort.

My 'mates' when I retold this tale, found it hilarious - pair of bastards.

Edited by Youri McAnespie
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I'd still 'woo' Jane Fonda 😀. I'd close my eyes and think of 'Cat Ballou'.

Eva Green - I'd drink her piss.

sweep/garp combo, casino says it's on porn hub

Just now, Youri McAnespie said:

How the fuck did you get that info?

I can remember when I went.

I was dating a really clean (beautiful) girl, and to be frank, I'd been with some scrubbers - post break-up with another girl. So wanted to get the all clear.

Anyhow I asked two mates who were old hands what I should expect.

They said "well they shove a swab down your jap"

"What? Like a cotton bud?"

"Yeah"

Night before I had a trial run with a Johnson + Johnson bud until the pain forced me to abort.

My 'mates' when I retold this tale, found it hilarious - pair of bastards.

I remember, soccer am, or was it my booky wook. God knows why I've read that.

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I read both his books out of boredom when staying at a book poor house.

Don't recall him mentioning the clap clinic.

I do recall him boasting about rattling Kate Moss...

Someone else mentioned Christina Hendricks - a good shout, however she's been nobbed by RHCP singer Anthony Kiedis - who admits himself he's been riddled with disease, due to IV drug use and promiscuity - including literally bumming girls. Not libellous it's all in his book - another bored Hobson's choice read.

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4 hours ago, Mr Grey said:

I bet in the buff they both look top, I'd do Princess Kate before Meghan, theres no way badly Wills is satisfying her.

Why doesn't he just get a number zero? He looks ridiculous.

If you think she's unsatisfied you should do a 'Clubber Lang at Rocky's statue unveiling' and pitch up at one of their public engagements.

Loudly besmirch his sexual prowess then proposition the Duchess.

She might take you on - or baldy might agree to a fight.

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21 minutes ago, Youri McAnespie said:

Why doesn't he just get a number zero? He looks ridiculous.

If you think she's unsatisfied you should do a 'Clubber Lang at Rocky's statue unveiling' and pitch up at one of their public engagements.

Loudly besmirch his sexual prowess then proposition the Duchess.

She might take you on - or baldy might agree to a fight.

I couldn't hit a Royal, but I'd shag his missus, and tbh she would be well chuffed because I'm a catch and he is one fow bastard, nice fella like, I mean him no harm, but he's punching, proper punching.

I'm even happy to wear tweed with leather elbow sleeves, ride a horse (no hunting though, that's for toff cunts!) and play a bit of polo before I pop one in her hole.

 

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44 minutes ago, Mr Grey said:

I couldn't hit a Royal, but I'd shag his missus, and tbh she would be well chuffed because I'm a catch and he is one fow bastard, nice fella like, I mean him no harm, but he's punching, proper punching.

I'm even happy to wear tweed with leather elbow sleeves, ride a horse (no hunting though, that's for toff cunts!) and play a bit of polo before I pop one in her hole.

 

I’d shag his Mrs whilst listening to a medley of The Smiths, Sex Pistols and John Lennon

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2 hours ago, Not in Crawley said:

I remember, soccer am, or was it my booky wook. God knows why I've read that.

Hang on, let’s rewind, Russell Brand called his book, a Booky wook

 Fancy giving me another reason to want to kick the filthy looking twat square in the cunt

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12 minutes ago, Rudy said:

Hang on, let’s rewind, Russell Brand called his book, a Booky wook

 Fancy giving me another reason to want to kick the filthy looking twat square in the cunt

Apart from his awful voice and general demeanor, he looks like a fucking starved yeti. How on earth some lovely ladies have allowed him to furrow his seed in them is beyond my feeble mind.

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36 minutes ago, green genie said:

50s Salma Hayek 

60s Sussana Hoffs

70s Debbie Harry

Every one else thought were 40s are older and cant dislodge Hayek. God I feel old

That dance of her's in 'From Dusk 'Til Dawn' is burned into my retinas...

I'll probably replay it on my deathbed.

Her jiggling about in geeky glasses  in 'Dogma' too...

😍

Mentioned Susannah Hoffs earlier - another top shout.

Edited by Youri McAnespie
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8 minutes ago, Youri McAnespie said:

'My Booky Wook'

It mainly details how he was an incorrigible alcy and drug addict.

You could probably read it cover to cover in two hours.

Hopefully it’s like war and peace and I could beat him with it 

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@Rudy

Oh aye - there's also an account of his estranged dad taking him to Bangkok or somewhere on 'business' and getting him a local brass for the night for his 17th...

I don't mind him - he's southern, they're pretty much all wankers.

Think he gets stick because girls and wimmin chuck themselves at him.

And he's a gobshite.

Edited by Youri McAnespie
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32 minutes ago, gonzo said:

Not much BAME representation on here.

Shame on you.

 

Black don't crack

It's a totally different game

20 - Halle Berry

30 - Halle Berry

40 - Halle Berry

50 - Halle Berry

60 - Rusty Lee

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