Banning concert or sporting events charging anything above £5 a pint.

Littering punishable by death.

Banning any form of hunting. Punishable by death.

Anyone not saying thanks after you give way should be punished by death.

People not using beer mats to put their pints on, a week in solitary 

Bullying . Death by torture 

Cruelty to animals . As above

Shagging a mutual friends missus and then telling me to ask for advice - As above

Giving me Austria in Euro sweepstake - more a large fine than death

15 minutes ago, Sweep said:

People not using beer mats to put their pints on, a week in solitary 

That pisses me off 

Lot of Pubs don't have Them now

Not indicating at a roundabout - Forceable removal of you from your car.

Ban football clubs from releasing new kits every single season.

Punishable by the chairperson of the offending club having to make a statement of apology.

There's a law that permits you to set fire to parked cars/vans that take up most of pavement.

Put people who wear Stone island/man bags in the stocks for a fortnight. 

Ban Welsh clubs from taking up places in the English leagues.

Make drivers who use roads in the Deane/Dobble area take weekly eye tests.

 

 

1 hour ago, Sweep said:

People not using beer mats to put their pints on, a week in solitary 

There’s never any beer mats on tables anymore 

6 minutes ago, mickbrown said:

There’s never any beer mats on tables anymore 

Well there bloody should be.

Vote Sweeps fistmaster party 

1 hour ago, Sweep said:

People not using beer mats to put their pints on, a week in solitary 

Are there any beer mats in pubs anymore - never seems to be 

11 minutes ago, gonzo said:

Well there bloody should be.

Vote Sweeps fistmaster party 

Aye, there bloody well should be

Folk who drive in the middle lane of the motorway when the inside lane is clear.

it would be my number one manifesto pledge to have them removed from their cars, and hung from the next motorway bridge, their bodies just at the right height for every lorry to slam into them until they’re just a mushy pulp.

Id have what’s left of them abandoned on the verge and send the bill for clean up to their families, who would also receive life bans from driving.

No exceptions.

is have even voted for Boris if this had been one of his pledges.

Edited June 14, 20242 yr by Spider

Anyone who can't sit still for 6 hours without getting some made up illness like a DVT should be banned from flying forever.

 

2 hours ago, gonzo said:

Banning concert or sporting events charging anything above £5 a pint.

£8.95 at co-op live last night

34 minutes ago, gonzo said:

Well there bloody should be.

Vote Sweeps fistmaster party 

Cue jokes about a "large majority", a "big swing to the left" and "fist past the post".

 

Ban on marl grey tracksuits {or any matching tracksuits} for anyone over 12 {same for putting players names on back of football shirts}

Immediate 12 month imprisonment for any dog owners who allow their muts to roam around pubs without a lead on, life imprsionment for uttering the phrase - 'its super friendly'

All white blokes with dreadlocks sent immediately to the barbers for re-education {see also the 'WellerMan' on anyone over 20}

Banning the words 'bruv' or 'fam'

Re-introduction of 'fish men' selling crab sticks in pubs, same with the, erm...'cream boys' and the 'Pop Van' that you could take your used bottles back to for 2p off your next purchase 

The wearing of sliders and socks not allowed two meters from your front door - also see onesies

The playing of vidoes or music on your phone without headphones of public transport - both ears chopped off.

If found to have a 'Live, Laugh, Love', 'Did you say Gym? I thought you said Gin', or 'Dancing like no one is watching' prints in your house you must have said phrase cut into your forehead Inglouirious Basterds' style

People with Turkey Teeth only allowed to eat Kebabs until they die of a coronary

Southerners must always watch England matches in silence in pubs

People who say 'I only tell it like it is' to be forced to do a constant outward monolgue of everything they do forever

Anyone cos-playing as a Peaker Blinder to have their Baker Boy cap stiched to their heads in perpetuity

Immediate ban on made up children's names like Wolf or Kaylee-Rose

'Power walking' to be banned. Either walk, jog or run to your destination

The artist who created the Bolton team as 1920's Gangsters to be installed as the head of the DCMS without delay, Sophie Ellis Bextor to be the next Music Tzar

Immediate closure of all Prets

Madri drinkers to be forced to sit in a special 'Madri corner' in pubs where people can throw peanuts at them

 

 

 

 

1 hour ago, mickbrown said:

There’s never any beer mats on tables anymore 

there are in my local

1 hour ago, gonzo said:

Well there bloody should be.

Vote Sweeps fistmaster party 

Fist Past the Post?

 

edit: just see Satan beat me to it 🙂

Edited June 14, 20242 yr by Sweep

35 minutes ago, Not in Crawley said:

 

Ban on marl grey tracksuits {or any matching tracksuits} for anyone over 12 {same for putting players names on back of football shirts}

Immediate 12 month imprisonment for any dog owners who allow their muts to roam around pubs without a lead on, life imprsionment for uttering the phrase - 'its super friendly'

All white blokes with dreadlocks sent immediately to the barbers for re-education {see also the 'WellerMan' on anyone over 20}

Banning the words 'bruv' or 'fam'

Re-introduction of 'fish men' selling crab sticks in pubs, same with the, erm...'cream boys' and the 'Pop Van' that you could take your used bottles back to for 2p off your next purchase 

The wearing of sliders and socks not allowed two meters from your front door - also see onesies

The playing of vidoes or music on your phone without headphones of public transport - both ears chopped off.

If found to have a 'Live, Laugh, Love', 'Did you say Gym? I thought you said Gin', or 'Dancing like no one is watching' prints in your house you must have said phrase cut into your forehead Inglouirious Basterds' style

People with Turkey Teeth only allowed to eat Kebabs until they die of a coronary

Southerners must always watch England matches in silence in pubs

People who say 'I only tell it like it is' to be forced to do a constant outward monolgue of everything they do forever

Anyone cos-playing as a Peaker Blinder to have their Baker Boy cap stiched to their heads in perpetuity

Immediate ban on made up children's names like Wolf or Kaylee-Rose

'Power walking' to be banned. Either walk, jog or run to your destination

The artist who created the Bolton team as 1920's Gangsters to be installed as the head of the DCMS without delay, Sophie Ellis Bextor to be the next Music Tzar

Immediate closure of all Prets

Madri drinkers to be forced to sit in a special 'Madri corner' in pubs where people can throw peanuts at them

 

 

 

 

you might need to see somebody mate 😁

1 minute ago, Sweep said:

Fist Past the Post?

 

edit: just see Satan beat me to it 🙂

They just said on LBC that Nigel Farage owns the limited edition Rubber Dinghy Rapids version.  Imported only obviously.

It wails like the muslim call to prayer during use but on every fist thrust it says "Stop the boats"

Free trifle with each one too.

 

35 minutes ago, Not in Crawley said:

 

Ban on marl grey tracksuits {or any matching tracksuits} for anyone over 12 {same for putting players names on back of football shirts}

 

The ones who have their own name printed get life with no parole 

Same goes for people who don't pick their dog shit up or when they do, leave it hanging from a tree

47 minutes ago, Sweep said:

you might need to see somebody mate 😁

In the words of I Am Kloot, 'I'm not a reasonable man.'

We do need an urgent law to tackle Z list celebrities releasing England records whenever there is a major football tournament. 

 

2 hours ago, SatanGreavsie said:

Cue jokes about a "large majority", a "big swing to the left" and "fist past the post".

Big in South Africa apparently 

A ban on charity muggers hassling people in public

Those found guilty to be thrown in a volcano