Jokes

[Carlos]

That's exactly what I thought. There's fuck all point to the BBC's news output if it's rendered useless the moment some old bloke dies.

[Juan.Kerr]

Sky and the BBC were hoping to get another couple of days coverage of the big storm, so Mandela dying came about a week too early. They both love a good disaster.

[SnoopJohnnyJohn]

I don't know, got stuck on the answer... get it

 

You're an extremely interesting chap.

[bolty58]

You're an extremely interesting chap.

 

 

This site has found it's new diplomat! 

[Breightmet Boy]

I employed a Eastern European to clean my house but had to sack her because it took her six hours to Hoover up.

 

She was a Slovak

 

I employed another but she wouldn't take a cash payment, she was a Czech

[H]

I employed a Eastern European to clean my house but had to sack her because it took her six hours to Hoover up.

 

She was a Slovak

 

I employed another but she wouldn't take a cash payment, she was a Czech

I think well have to ask Malcolm what year roughly, in his youth, this gag was first heard?

[Breightmet Boy]

The bottom bit I made up, but you made me laugh H, excellent return

[gonzo]

The Manchester United squad visited an orphanage today "It is really sad to see their little faces with no hope" said Sarah aged 6

[Big City Girl]

The Manchester United squad visited an orphanage today "It is really sad to see their little faces with no hope" said Sarah aged 6

Ha ha!

[White on Tyne]

My wife just asked me what I was doing on the computer and I said I was looking for cheap flights. She got very excited and said "I love you" and dragged me upstairs for a real "decanting".

Which surprised me as she's never been interested in darts before.

[DomRepWanderer]

So I was giving this bird one over her kitchen table, just as it was getting hot the front door went, she yelled quick it's my husband use the back door, with hindsight I should have legged it, but you don't get offers like that every day.

[Big City Girl]

What's brown and rhymes with snoop?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Doctor Dre

[mannyroad58]

My wife has just spent hours getting ready in the bathroom and when she finally opened the door she asked

"do i look fat in this"

To which i replied"

"yes but to be fair it's only a small bathroom"

Edited December 18, 2013 by mannyroad58

[gonzo]

Why should you never take the piss out of a fat girl with a lisp?

 

Because she's probably thick and tired of it,

[Sweep]

change my mind...it's not nice

Edited December 18, 2013 by CWP

[bwfc87]

Why should you never take the piss out of a fat girl with a lisp?

 

Because she's probably thick and tired of it,

 

Made me laugh this

 

[fishbulb]

With the holidays upon us, I would like to share a personal experience with my family and friends about drinking and driving. As you may know, some of us have been known to have brushes with the authorities from time to time on the way home after a "social session" out with friends.

Well, three days ago, I was out for an evening with friends and had several cocktails, followed by some rather nice red wine. Feeling jolly, I still had the sense to know that I may be over the limit. That's when I did something that I've never done before…I took a cab home.

Sure enough, on the way home there was a police sobriety-check road block, but, since the car was a cab, the officers waved it past. I arrived home safely and without incident. This was a real relief and surprise because I had never driven a cab before. I don't even know where I got it and, now that it's in my garage, I don't know what the hell to do with it!!!