Jokes

[Breightmet Boy]

White man & a black man in Gregg's. Black man takes three pasties & puts them in his pocket & says to the white man "see that, the staff didn't. White man says watch this then & goes to the manager & asks if he wants to see some magic to which he replies yes. The white guy eats three pasties & the manager says well what's magic about that to which he replies "check the nig-nogs pocket'

[Breightmet Boy]

Dear subscriber due to the recent cyclone will you please remove pages 3,8,12,19,24,27,31,35,36 and41 in this months edition of philipino brides . Thank you for your understanding in this matter

[gonzo]

Don't send any money to those Philipinos, they're fucking loaded...One was just on the telly outside his house, there's a fucking plane, a car and a yacht parked on his garden!

[chillo]

there was a knock on the door when i answered it there was a bloke stood there he was about 3 foot 3 i said who are you he said i'm the metre man

[barryk32]

What did one Muslim say to another in a supermarket?

Nothing very interesting, they are both completely ordinary members of society who should not be judged based on their ethnic background and skin colour.

And then the building exploded.

Nah but seriously..

Stereotyping people because of their religion is not nice.

Whether they be a Christian a Jew or a terrorist.

[bolty58]

 

I woke up swathed in bandages, in a hospital ICU.

Tubes entering different parts of my body.

Wires monitoring every function.

A gorgeous nurse hovering over me. It was obvious I'd been in a serious accident.

I heard her say, 'You may-not feel anything from the waist down.'

I managed to mumble in reply, 'Can I feel your tits, then?'

[Breightmet Boy]

Pakistan has offered to help the phillipines with flood relief by sending thousands of towels. Its all they could think of off the top of their heads

[fellman]

White man & a black man in Gregg's. Black man takes three pasties & puts them in his pocket & says to the white man "see that, the staff didn't. White man says watch this then & goes to the manager & asks if he wants to see some magic to which he replies yes. The white guy eats three pasties & the manager says well what's magic about that to which he replies "check the nig-nogs pocket'

  

Dear subscriber due to the recent cyclone will you please remove pages 3,8,12,19,24,27,31,35,36 and41 in this months edition of philipino brides . Thank you for your understanding in this matter

  

What did one Muslim say to another in a supermarket?

Nothing very interesting, they are both completely ordinary members of society who should not be judged based on their ethnic background and skin colour.

And then the building exploded.Nah but seriously..

Stereotyping people because of their religion is not nice.

Whether they be a Christian a Jew or a terrorist.

Any worse Thant this carlos????

[iggy]

Delete!! Fucking phone in my pocket!!

Edited November 22, 2013 by iggy

[enzo gambaro]

White man & a black man in Gregg's. Black man takes three pasties & puts them in his pocket & says to the white man "see that, the staff didn't. White man says watch this then & goes to the manager & asks if he wants to see some magic to which he replies yes. The white guy eats three pasties & the manager says well what's magic about that to which he replies "check the nig-nogs pocket'

I don't get it.

 

Is it funnier because he's a nig nog?

[Breightmet Boy]

I don't get it.

 

Is it funnier because he's a nig nog?

Are you being serious or just after a bite?

It could of been Paddy & Murphy but I suppose the person who made it up wanted a change.

Edited November 21, 2013 by Breightmet Boy

[jules_darby]

Pakistan has offered to help the phillipines with flood relief by sending thousands of towels. Its all they could think of off the top of their heads

Suppose that'd be better if it was India?

[mannyroad58]

My missus thinks it's really cute that Joey Essex can't tell the time, but if i'm 5 minutes late home from the pub i'm a cunt

[tomski]

Why doesn't Chris Eubank play playstation?

 

Because he's an xboxer.

 

 

Ill get my coat

[gonzo]

Ive just seen a bunch of mexicans packed into a tiny ford playing the macarana.. I think it was a Fiesta

[superjohnmcginlay]

I've just fallen down the stairs carrying a tin of paint, it's OK, I'm not really hurt just feeling a bit emulsional..

[Breightmet Boy]

Where does Kylie Minogue get her kebabs from?

 

 

The Jason Donner Van

[Breightmet Boy]

Sorry seems to be the hardest word to say,

 

 

Unless your Chinese, then it's 'Squirrel'....

[stevieb]

Where does Kylie Minogue get her kebabs from?

 

 

The Jason Donner Van

This is ace!

[Breightmet Boy]

Someone said to me "what's brown and stiff" I thought these Nelson Mandela jokes are getting a bit out of hand...

 

Turns out he was talking about Tom Daleys Cock......

[Julian The Monk]

What did Les Dennis say to the man carrying a crate of wicks semi-stain resin?

[Breightmet Boy]

I don't know, what did Les Dennis say to the man carrying a crate of wicks semi-stain resin?

[Guest]

I've just fallen down the stairs carrying a tin of paint, it's OK, I'm not really hurt just feeling a bit emulsional..

 

 

Did you have a coat on?

[Julian The Monk]

I don't know, what did Les Dennis say to the man carrying a crate of wicks semi-stain resin?

 

I don't know, got stuck on the answer... get it

[farnworth white]

BBC website today: "Six things you didn't know about Nelson Mandela"

 

After watching the BBC for the last week I very much doubt it