" At work all they do is talk about shagging and at home all they do is talk about work."

"Always remember son, if a bloke looks stupid, there's a fucking good chance that he is".

You can put lipstick on a pig but it's still a pig

He who sips the Summers dew must eat the Winters frost

 

It isn't the man who has the most who gives the most away

it isn't the man who knows the most who has the most to say!

Stop acting the rubber pig

I will wipe that smile across your face

Never trust a fart

Stop acting the rubber pig

 

Stop acting the goat

Never trust a arab

Never trust a pikey

Never trust anyone that bleeds for 5 days and doesn't die

You should of been shot into the end of a johnny bag

Are you going to the reebok Saturday

We'll easily beat these men...

Your bags are included in the price

While we were having a piss in the pub bogs, a drunk bloke once said to me.

 

"Aaggghhh. Go home now, get a blow job of the wife.......... Wash last nights fanny off"

"I have never once in my life seen a fanatic with a sense of humour"

"You don't fatten a pig by weighing it."

 

In other words; it's time to stop analysing the job, and get it fucking done.

"You won't catch me with me trousers"

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vKgYnPZ0nZg

There's nowt queerer than folk..

 

Never a lender or borrower be..

Keep out of the black and into the red nothing in this game for two in a bed

A bit of what you fancy does you Good.

More X than soft Mick.

Never trust a man with facial hair or wears a hat. (My uncle Robert)

I like my boiled ham raw (my Grandad)

He couldn't catch a pig in a Ginnel (?)

You can talk to a man with a wooden leg but you cant talk to a man with a wooden head