Retrieving buttplugs?

Re-implanting teeth?

Re-setting noses?

I've taken out stitches a few times, nail clippers and witch hazel.

I got a manky toenail a few years back so filed the entire lot off with a drill and a small angle grinder attachment.

Bloodbath.

I decided to take a small skin-tag off with a soldering iron once, when I was pissed, that fucking hurt more than I thought it would, and it melted a fucking big hole in my arm that took about 6 months to heal up

Hit it wrong?

Always use sandpaper first.

 

1 minute ago, Sweep said:

I decided to take a small skin-tag off with a soldering iron once, when I was pissed, that fucking hurt more than I thought it would, and it melted a fucking big hole in my arm that took about 6 months to heal up

Sounds clever, pissed-up Doctor, just whip it off...

What can go wrong?

Had a ganglion in my hand, no balls told me to hit it with a book. Pissed up I grabbed the biggest book I could find, smashed it as hard as I could, ended up with a small fracture and a trapped nerve that had to be operated on because I couldn’t bend my middle finger. 
 

Learned whilst studying how to stitch, split my arm open replacing a clutch pedal so stitched it back myself. Did a good job.

Took my own bloods once. Now that was a skill in itself. 

I seem to get skin tags under my arms, I tied one off then used a pair of sterilised leather scissors to snip if off,  felt wierd and still bled like crazy.. 

28 minutes ago, Sweep said:

I decided to take a small skin-tag off with a soldering iron once, when I was pissed, that fucking hurt more than I thought it would, and it melted a fucking big hole in my arm that took about 6 months to heal up

you might need to narrow the time frame down for us

I had one skin tag, was nothing but just seem.to.grow massive, anyway, booked an appointment and was whipped off two weeks later without the blood, guts and gore.

Perhaps try this.method in future?

Sorted out ingrowing toenails a few times from me and the kids, small stitch (which was rubbish, still.have a scar bigger than the cut and again best go to the drs) 

I generally like to trust those that know what they are doing. I'm an expert fan.

Skin tags are a piece of piss to sort it. Tie cotton into a loop,  pull it tight,  wait.  It'll drop off. 

Sorted my own ingrown toenails out and ended up needing a partial avulsion. That was fun once the anaesthetic wore off. 

3 minutes ago, Not in Crawley said:

 

I generally like to trust those that know what they are doing. I'm an expert fan.

A whole new subject

Things you've said to a professional which was funny as fuck in your head...

While seeing medical staff for a pre- operation chat prior to my vasectomy they asked if i wanted a general.  Quick as  a flash I replied I'd rather have a surgeon. 

Tumbleweed 

9 minutes ago, MickyD said:

A whole new subject

Things you've said to a professional which was funny as fuck in your head...

While seeing medical staff for a pre- operation chat prior to my vasectomy they asked if i wanted a general.  Quick as  a flash I replied I'd rather have a surgeon. 

Tumbleweed 

I had a cock-related op once, nipping a few inches off, I made the joke it was cold out, it regressed into My body, terrified, this is my protege and some asian kid stepped up - no more than 25.

Started stabbing my old man - reet in the Jap's.

thought i had blocked Ear's full of Wax

so used a Calpol Syringe  full of boiling water out the Kettle to melt it 

DO NOT DO THIS KIDS 

fuck me the pain 

1 hour ago, bolton_blondie said:

Took my own bloods once. Now that was a skill in itself. 

Did you just wring out a fanny rag?

2 minutes ago, Rudy said:

Did you just wring out a fanny rag?

Funnily enough no. Hit the vein first time. Make a right good smack head I would. 

15 minutes ago, little whitt said:

thought i had blocked Ear's full of Wax

so used a Calpol Syringe  full of boiling water out the Kettle to melt it 

DO NOT DO THIS KIDS 

fuck me the pain 

😁😁😁😁

Im lost for words

20 minutes ago, little whitt said:

thought i had blocked Ear's full of Wax

so used a Calpol Syringe  full of boiling water out the Kettle to melt it 

DO NOT DO THIS KIDS 

fuck me the pain 

Use olive oil next time ya tit 🤣🤣

4 minutes ago, bolton_blondie said:

Use olive oil next time ya tit 🤣🤣

Won't that knacker his kettle?

26 minutes ago, little whitt said:

thought i had blocked Ear's full of Wax

so used a Calpol Syringe  full of boiling water out the Kettle to melt it 

DO NOT DO THIS KIDS 

fuck me the pain 

Explains a lot this 

Reset a dislocated finger once. Think that one Kevin Davies had.

It's fucked now though, there's basically no knuckle on the back to stop it bending backwards.

1 hour ago, Rudy said:

Had a ganglion in my hand, no balls told me to hit it with a book. Pissed up I grabbed the biggest book I could find, smashed it as hard as I could, ended up with a small fracture and a trapped nerve that had to be operated on because I couldn’t bend my middle finger. 
 

Learned whilst studying how to stitch, split my arm open replacing a clutch pedal so stitched it back myself. Did a good job.

Quite Rudymentary😃 

22 minutes ago, DazBob said:

Won't that knacker his kettle?

Boil on stove then use a funnel straight into your ear 👍

1 hour ago, little whitt said:

thought i had blocked Ear's full of Wax

so used a Calpol Syringe  full of boiling water out the Kettle to melt it 

DO NOT DO THIS KIDS 

fuck me the pain 

:lol:
 

You know when people type :lol: on forums like this and in actual fact, they barely raised a smile?

Well this is different, I actually did laugh, loudly.

8 minutes ago, MickyD said:

 

You know when people type on forums like this and in actual fact, they barely raised a smile?

Well this is different, I actually did laugh, loudly.

it was up there with the pain i felt 

when i tride to put a SPARKLER out in my MOUTH twice cause it didn't go out first time nor the Second 

that Fucking Hurt Too let me tell you