gonzo Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 So with a good 90% of the vote in favour of the PIP series continuing, the Love Dog felt it appropriate to bring the AW** faithful up to date with the latest conquests. There were 5 dissenters in the Poll (Flanders and his 4 multis) but you can't please every cunt can you ? As you're probably aware my life and love life in particular are somewhat fucked up. A crazy train ride stopping off at Divorce Central, Flange Cross and Swallow Me Whole Junction. And fuck me some ugly cunts have ridden this train. A couple of sorts riding in the 1st Class carriage, but on the whole an array of fat munters riding 2nd Class. "But this train conducter aint fussy, climb on board love and show us yer pussy !" Several weeks ago I was nicely building up a new supply of Plenty Of Fish birds. I'd cleared out a bit of room in the vaults and went in search of some fresh. So here's Tracey, 42, from the village I live in. Bit close for comfort, but caution was never one of my stronger qualities as you will discover with my frankly outrageous PIP 40 tale. Here's a few pics. I was relatively optimistic, not a beauty queen by any stretch but had that naughty twinkle in her eye that said, "Hello, please smash my back door in....." The unfortunate thing about POF however is that the ladies on there rarely resemble their photos. We arranged a quick hello outside the local Chinese take-away and for a fleeting moment as she hopped into my car I thought I was being joined by The Emperor from Star Wars. She looked a good 10 years older than her pictures above. Regardless, we chatted, we held hands, we kissed as I stroked her pie through her jeans. Her texts following this brief encounter were relentless. She'd clearly liked what she saw and my fate with the Imperial Master would be sealed the week after ... Thursday is my mid-week day off. She was off work herself and so we arranged a date to hook up. Well not so much a date. That implies going somewhere nice, spending my money and maybe not getting an empty at the end of it. Our 'date' involved her coming round to my gaff for some pipe slurping. I'm 10 minutes late picking her up. It's raining, she's piss wet through standing outside the Chinky we'd met before dressed up like an 18 year old. Get in the car you cunt, some busy-body from the village might see you ! .. Felt sorry for her actually as she sat there in my car dripping wet. It was much the same condition I left her fanny in 30 minutes later.. She knew my scenario at home but was happy to play along. No need for tiresome lies here. Tracey simply wanted cock and I ushered her into the house as quickly as possible. We both knew what was afoot here and wasting no time went straight upstairs. My light sabre was twitching.... It was still only around 10am so I made it a cup of tea and we had a pleasant chat for about 15 minutes. She was clearly nervous and I couldn't stop the cunt from talking. Give it a rest love and drink up, my balls need emptying here Almost mid-sentence I take the cup from her hands and lie her back on the bed she is perched on the edge of. With a slight gasp of surprise I squeeze one of her fine looking pots as we begin our first embrace. I can feel the anticipation emanating from her. She's all of a quiver as my filthy fingers snaked up her "too short for a 40 something" skirt. Hello, hello, what is this....She's got these thick tights on and the waiste band is tucked halfway up her fucking body and so tight I've no prayer of gaining quick access. "You'll have to help me with those badboys love, have you welded them on ?!" She sniggers at my cheekiness but with no hesitation strips off and lies naked before me.....And then I saw it. Her Ginsters Pie My what big flaps you have ! The thought raced through my mind. They hung there between her legs like a Sunday Roast carvery. Didn't know whether to go down on her or make a jug of Bisto..... She would sample the delights of the Turbo Tongue however, but the aroma down there was distasteful. Like decaying meat I quickly dissengaged and chose to stuff a few fingers inside her instead. It squeeled and panted and twisted the quilt cover around its fists and without further ado I sunk my lad into her large Meat Feast bucket and gave it about a minute of my finest There followed another 20 minutes of fumbling, slurping and kissing, but I soon have Flapatron dressed and out the door. It's been a pleasant morning, PIP 39 had been a long time coming. What will live long in the memory are those mighty curtains. I was going to suggest we pop down B&Q together so she could pick out a pair of lovely curtains ties. Tales from the Pipside, thanks for listening Quote
Churchill Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 Just read this on my dinner in the office, oh my how i laughed! Quote
DazBob Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 "They hung there between her legs like a Sunday Roast carvery. Didn't know whether to go down on her or make a jug of Bisto....." Quote
no balls Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 I see he's still perfected the art of tantric. They're clearly lucky ladies. Quote
Sweep Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 the aroma down there was distasteful. Like decaying meat Made me laugh that. I also like how he's quite honest in admitting he only lasts a minute or so Quote
Guest Frandsen08 Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 nice of her to send a picture with a picture of her kids in the background. classy bird. Quote
little whitt Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 i like a bird with big piss flaps my last 2 did not have any bit dispointed were have all the big flap girls gone Quote
stevieb Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 i like a bird with big piss flaps my last 2 did not have any bit dispointed were have all the big flap girls gone Toby's Quote
gonzo Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 Now this tale is in a rather different vain. I'm still smarting from the effects of this misdemeanor 2 weeks on. Little humour to be drawn from this sorry episode, but nevertheless here goes. But first a little background..... Back in 2005 and during the height of the property boom I had a lucrative career as an independent mortgage adviser. Basically I couldn't write the business quick enough and reaped the rewards .. Brand new 6 bedroomed home, decent car, holidays, class A most weekends with a few of the Leeds lads on here.....all the trappings you could wish for. Hey, even the vulture I live with (aka Mrs Beer Dog) was even sucking my balls at the time. The credit crunch and subsequent collapse of the property market plunged the firm I worked for into crisis and for the past 2/3 years I've continued to mortgage advise, but in a bank on substantially lower income. Obviously I still have the big dirty mortgage of my own to contend with. Yes, I'm fucking broke .. Such is life, I'll get by. Love my home and don't want to lose it which is where my idea of a lodger came in. I converted the whole of the 3rd floor into a private living space and placed an ad on an internet site. It wasn't long before a bird from Barnsley, Deborah (42) and her Daughter (17) turned up one evening for a look around. To be honest who wants a couple of strangers under your roof, but this was a solution driven by necessity. They loved the place instantly, we got a good vibe about them and so they moved in. ?475 per month. Thankyou very much. I can feed the kids again ... Debs had escaped Barnsley after a broken marriage, relocated her place of work to Leeds and needed to be closer to the city and away from the mess back home. Really nice girl, bit of a vunerable sort and I felt a sense of responsibility to helping them both through a difficult period of their lives. You know where this is going don't you lads ? I woudn't be spouting all this drivel for any other purpose, but I can assure you my intentions from the outset were entirely honourable.....But she did have a cracking arse and tits. The Mrs found it more difficult than me to get along with the pair of them and early in an evening would lock herself away in her room. The Daughter meanwhile did as young kids do.....sit in her room all night on the laptop and iPod. That pretty much left me and Debs sat up most nights supping red wine and getting wankered. Fuck me could this bird sup. She didn't buy wine by the bottle, she bought boxes and to back that up she had a stash of spirits in the cupboard too. I'd met my match ... Out of a bit of respect I won't be sticking her mug on here on this occasion. So there grew a certain inevitability about the situation. We bonded really quickly and it wasn't long before we were supping into the early hours bemoaning our relationships and sharing private conversations. I was drinking so much red wine I was going to work the next morning with black fucking lips. Mrs Dog had bemoaned a couple of times I was drinking far too much and spending too much time with Debs, but it continued..... One night Debs starts getting weepy again. The working man had no choice but to provide a little comfort. I joined her on the sofa, slung an arm round her and muttered some shit about how everything was going to be alright. But in truth the sexual tension that had been building between us all week had passed the point of no return. She leaned into me and we started kissing..... How fucking stupid was this. Like I've said before I was born without any restraint mechanism when it comes to women and place myself in all manner of trouble that could cost me everything. I've strobed her Cousins, one of her best mates, neighbours.....The Love Dog has no boundaries. So here I am getting stuck into the lodger, Wife upstairs out of it and Deb's Daughter 2 floors up. Nothing much happened that night. We'd kissed for an hour or so, she'd pulled my cock out at one point for a feel and it was actually I, yes I.....Captain Turbo Tongue.....that halted proceedings and retired to his room before full mashings developed. Breakfast was awkward. Knowing glances across the lounge. Exchanging pleasantaries whilst trying really hard to put on a "everything's normal around here " face on ... So it was Saturday morning. Mrs BD set out for work for the day, I was working whilst 1pm and Deb's Daughter was on her way back to Barnsley for the weekend. I'm still half cut from the night before, battle through 4 hours of work and return home. It's just me and Debs......Oh dear. I'm genuine when I say I didn't want this to get out of hand. It would end in disaster. But when I hear Deb's calling me up to her room after around 10 minutes I make my way upstairs like a little puppy sniffing for it's bone. I knew what the fucker wanted and I was like a tramp on chips. She's laid on the bed, still in PJs. Face done up and the sultry look in her eyes required no conversation from either of us. I got onto the bed and in seconds we were into one another. Unbridled passion. Urgently pulling clothes off and the conclusion was her laid there breathless covered in my Love Ketchup. No you can't have next months rent free my dear, now let me sniff your box again . A jolly nice poke she was. Porn star groans, neat little snatch, Hubba Hubba..... A few nights later we were up again. Red wine, a bottle of vodka, a few tunes on and having a laugh and a joke. We'd actually made a pact that we had to curb the shenanigans. The consequences were too dear for either of us. The vodka had now really kicked in and I hit that passing out point. Unfortunately Debs had suffered a similar fate and we'd fallen asleep practically on top of one another. Around 2am I am unceremoniously awoken with a full pint of water sloshed in my face. Mrs Dog is looming over the pair of us, eyes bulging, screaming obscenities. Debs gets a crack in the face and so the showdown begins , Millwall/Hammers, Villa/Blues, name your rivalry, it weren't touching this. I'm stuck in the middle of 2 banshees scrapping. Thanks to the nosey cunt neighbours next door the OB arrive a while later and the Mrs says I've clobbered her the lying cunt. That's me with an arm up my back, shoved in a van and off to Bridewell station for an evening. Nice en suite facilities though and an IKEA minimalist feel to the cell.... Visited in the morning by some Norwegian freak talking to me about Jesus through the bars. "If Jesus loved me he'd get me out of this fucking cell !" Came my reply. Then a tasty bint popped by to discuss the effects of alcohol. I'm released mid-morning, head back home and the daft cunt is still ranting and raving Debs had moved out in the early hours having got her Dad to pick her up and he arrives later in the afternoon to collect all her belongings. Rather awkward and from the look in his eyes he knew I'd been strobing his Daughter..... So I'd actually been caught doing very little at all. Mrs BD has since simmered unaware of course I'd been chucking my bolt all over her a few days before. Skint again now, I guess pimping the Wife out is the next logical step. Not the most entertaining of tales I'm sure you'll agree. But there lies the fucked up world of a sex addict. Tales from the Pipside, thanks for listening. Quote
Traf Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 I prefer Little Whitt's McDonalds car park-related Quote
mickbrown Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 It's all bollocks IMO. Maybe so, but it beats worrying about Sunday. Keep em coming, Quote
Youri McAnespie Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 (edited) I got crucified for pointing out descrepencies/inconsistencies about a month or so ago. I've since grown to like his accounts of unnecessary detail and premature duffings. My favourite movie villain of all time, 'Scorpio' out of Dirty Harry, also used the catchphrase 'hubba, hubba'... I'm with Mick - keep 'em coming. I notice eagle eyed readers spotted the picture of the penultimate conquest's kids in the background - but failed to notice her Elizabeth Duke ring, she's betrothed to some unlucky cuckold devil... Edited May 10, 2012 by Youri McAnespie Quote
HomerJay Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 the pics are from pov, check the url http://pics.pof.com/dating/111/94/ruu1rsnivy_202718201.jpg i hope somebody doesnt send the poor bastard this page.... Quote
Traf Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 the pics are from pov, check the url http://pics.pof.com/...y_202718201.jpg i hope somebody doesnt send the poor bastard this page.... The pics may well be from there, it doesn't mean he's been with her. Quote
Traf Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 I got crucified for pointing out descrepencies/inconsistencies about a month or so ago. I've since grown to like his accounts of unnecessary detail and premature duffings. My favourite movie villain of all time, 'Scorpio' out of Dirty Harry, also used the catchphrase 'hubba, hubba'... .. Watched Dirty Harry again last week on ITV! Quote
Sweep Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 Watched Dirty Harry again last week on ITV! Did you feel lucky?, Well did you Punk? Quote
HomerJay Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 The pics may well be from there, it doesn't mean he's been with her. i hope her husband buys that story Quote
no balls Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 I must've missed a bit is he back living in his mam's back room , and it didn't work out with his long suffering other half? Quote
Youri McAnespie Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 (edited) They're non-sequential - hence jumping from PIP #? to PIP#? (Did we establish what PIP meant?). If the last but one encounter is for real, I'm sure the cuckolded bloke* could ascertain for definite himself - as our turbotongued lothario describes her ladybits in graphic detail * Cuckolded or doesn't mind pimping his wife/girlfriend/fiance out. Edited May 10, 2012 by Youri McAnespie Quote
Youri McAnespie Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 Watched Dirty Harry again last week on ITV! It's always on - and I always stop channel hopping whenever I catch it, 'I'll just watch it for five minutes' - then, two hours later, Harry is throwing his badge into a lodge and I'm half asleep and spilling Becks all over my crotch Quote
HomerJay Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 confession ive never seen dirty harry am i missing out? Quote
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