I've spent three hours looking for birds I know on there to wind up because I'm in one of them moods. Anyhow, I gets speaking to this rather tasty piece, by my standards, she tells me I sound genuine etc and I thinks 'Fcuk me, I'm in here, I was only fannying about'. Now I remember Jazza having a dabble on there and I'm just wondering is it just a knocking shop or are they really after a hubby/ Long term relationship etc?

Gonzo, you're Dog, aren't you, flower?

 

ssshhh....

ssshhh....

 

 

2 minutes...............deary me!

2 minutes...............deary me!

 

thats including taking mi strides off!

thats including taking mi strides off!

 

And shaking it after.

Hahaha keep em coming Gonzo. Most Laughs I've had in a few days!!

thought this thread was falling down never to be seen

 

bravo gonzo

 

ration them out, 2 a day tops.

 

Does anyone else find it funny that NB is first to comment after every tail? I think NB may be the mythical pip8 and she is keeping her eyes out incase she has been rumbled.

 

Just a theory.

thought this thread was falling down never to be seen

 

bravo gonzo

 

ration them out, 2 a day tops.

 

Does anyone else find it funny that NB is first to comment after every tail? I think NB may be the mythical pip8 and she is keeping her eyes out incase she has been rumbled.

 

Just a theory.

 

You'd better hope I've forgotten you said that next time I see you

 

I am intruiged though as to what goes on in these women's heads. It's all a bit car crash but still, I can't help it.

Should I be like this at 42?

Yes, its funny as fuck.

 

Who would some of these women be shagging if it wasn't for the internet?

 

Take poor Ruth from Brighouse, she would have no chance on the open market.

ive never had a big GUSHER anyone had one?

had them vary vary wet mop and bucket needed

Gusher yes

Squirter no

 

A right fucking mess, glad it was her bed and not mine.

Fucking "love ketchup"?!

 

Jesus that's funny.

ive never had a big GUSHER anyone had one?

had them vary vary wet mop and bucket needed

Gusher yes

Squirter no

 

A right fucking mess, glad it was her bed and not mine.

 

They all do it, your just not doin it right. #

 

 

A proper fookin Norris McSquirter fires out battery acid that can take the laminate off any flooring...

I remember a girl whose cherry I popped. She gushed like a lanced boil on only her second occassion and to be honest, we both assumed she'd pissed herself.

 

until she said it felt completely different and did it again.

 

you get through some washing powder, let me tell you.

Had a couple of squirters, 1 could go easily 6 foot, drenched !

So less than a week since my last conquest off Plenty I find myself typing with a satisfied empty feeling in my ball bag. Thursdays are days off for me, no Wives, kids or customers about. Just me with the company of my filthy and often depraved thoughts. Having done the schoolrun I return home, get out my secret bitch phone and see who wants to play. The cock is already washed and primed for battle. There were a couple of Mum's in the playground I'd eyed up, nothing exciting, most of the bush pigs round here have saggy tits and bad skin .

 

Unfortunately the candidates I'd most hoped for were either working or feeding back lame excuses, but I do receive an unexpected text from Naomi, 30, from Pudsey. I'd chatted to Naomi last Sunday night and thrashed one out as she sent a series of filthy picture messages. Full gash shots the lot. Not the shy type is Naomi. She explained that she'd taken unplanned leave and would I like to go round and "Fuck her cunt hard ?" Her words, not mine, I'm not a vulgar man .

 

 

Here she is the little Princess. Unfortunately the XXX pics she sent me over the weekend were deleted. I really couldn't carry the risk of Mrs Dog discovering snaps of another bird's gash now could I ? Shame really....

 

So an entirely different vibe about today. The shananigans were already set in stone. There was no chase, no shamoozing, no ifs buts or doubts. Naomi had COMMANDED me to go over there for 1.30pm sharp. She wanted cock and wasn't afraid to express that. Ok madam, that shouldn't be a problem, give your clout a clean and I'll come over and bash it....

 

A small part of me couldn't be arsed today. Got a lot on, errands to run, shit to do, but I knew if I passed up the chance of the guaranteed poke today I'd have been shaking my head in frustration tonight. I would keep my appointment with Pip 38, if only to amuse the good folk off AWOL. A little after 1pm I hop in the car, tap in her post code and with a cheeky smile set off in the direction of Pudsey. Naomi had already informed me that she would be wearing no underwear, fishnets, high heels and a very short dress. Her texts were so full on it even crossed my mind one of the lads was playing a prank....but on I drove...

 

I'm here. I see her childlike face pop out of the window. Not an ugly bird, but certainly no looker. Made a change seeing her mush to be honest, most pics had involved close-ups of her hungry snatch. House looks a little shabby and unkept, but I approach the door and before I can knock she's letting me in and stood before me in frankly FUCK ALL. Fake tan has gone a little haywire. Cunt looks like she's had a fight with a can of creosote. She gives me a brief and coy "Hello" then I'm pulled into the house, I've my back against the wall and she's grinding her growler into me whilst sucking my face off. Let me take me coat off love, what's on TV ??

 

Far from stopping there she drops to her knees. Seriously and with no hint of exaggeration, this is around 30 seconds in, she's yanking my zip and jeans down and then slurping deep throat on my cock with all the finesse of a fat kid chomping a Mars Bar. Holy fuck, slow down you cunt, she's writhing around like a fucking epiplectic.....

 

Truely met my match here, "Naomi, stop, let's sit down...." I shout as I try to pull her up from the floor. With no acknowledgement she awkwardly rises from the floor then I'm dragged by the arm into the lounge. "I've been dying to see you, just fuck me now....." Seems tea and biscuits aren't the order of the day....

 

I'm now pinned against the sofa, her dress has ridden up revealing a clean shaven snatch. Hello my pretty, come to play ?!

 

I delve a few fingers in and it's dripping like a leaking tap. Hope there your fluids love and not the Postman's who's left 10 minutes prior ??

 

It's back on it's knees again. I've still only said hello and she's noshing my cock so hard I'm fearful it's gunna break off in her mouth. Right that's it. My turn to beast you. You wanna play rough you $2 whore, let's rumble....In a sweeping motion I disengage my lad from her hungry mouth, flip her onto the sofa on her back, fling her legs over my shoulders and bang my pipe straight in right up to the balls. In a frenzy I fuck it hard and without mercy whilst shouting in her face and throttling her. She squeals in delight, her eyes roll back like some cock obsessed zombie. The point of no return is near and in quick motion I slide out, straddle her face and fire my Love Ketchup down her throat. Take that you cunt

 

She lays motionless for a bit. I prod it to make sure it's alive. It smiles back at me, an unnerving, hungry smile....

 

We do finally get to have a chat. Amazingly she adopts an altogether new and shy persona. She's clearly embarrassed at what has just taken place and blushed at every word I have to say. With the return schoolrun pending my time is limited. She's aware of this and anxious for a re-run before I fuck off. So 10 minutes later she's straddling me and riding my sword like Sea Biscuit. At one point the cunt actually has hold of my ears, what the fuck is going on here ????

 

I doubt very much I'll visit this one again. I do enjoy a willing participant, but I'm also in favour of keeping my body parts attached to my person. I've just fucked a gorilla on cocaine....

 

Tales from the Pipside, thanks for listening

not as long as one of gonzo's anecdotes but still a little gem......a lad at work met a local woman off there and saw her a few times.after a month or so the woman suggested a threesome with her mate and he was as quick as a flash to accept. when he went round to do 'the dirty deed' he was pleasantly surprised to be told ''come upstairs we're waiting''......upstairs he goes...but to his horror the mate was only his girlfriend's aunt !!!!! needless to say he's now split from his girlfrien

not as long as one of gonzo's anecdotes but still a little gem......a lad at work met a local woman off there and saw her a few times.after a month or so the woman suggested a threesome with her mate and he was as quick as a flash to accept. when he went round to do 'the dirty deed' he was pleasantly surprised to be told ''come upstairs we're waiting''......upstairs he goes...but to his horror the mate was only his girlfriend's aunt !!!!! needless to say he's now split from his girlfrien

 

At least it wasn't her uncle!

At least it wasn't her uncle!

 

I was expecting that was going to be the punchline. I feel a little let down now.

I've cocked up and cocked up big time on POF. I deleted my account on there but swapped numbers with a bird from Bolton, we text for a while clean then last night after I got in from work she text me all horny etc. Anyhow, the text got a bit rude what she wanted to do to me and she sent me a picture of her knockers, we swapped a few by MMS and today she's blackmailed me saying these pictures could damage my reputation in the wrong hands. I've just text her saying it's illegal to blackmail etc and fingers crossed that's the end of it, but let this be a warning chaps.

BB,

 

Post her number on here.

She'll get so much mither, she'll forget all about blackmailing you.

 

PS HBAHT?

PPS Pics?

I was expecting that was going to be the punchline. I feel a little let down now.

 

It could have been Diddles' uncle, but we're not supposed to mention him.

BB,

 

Post her number on here.

She'll get so much mither, she'll forget all about blackmailing you.

 

PS HBAHT?

PPS Pics?

 

I didn't ask her how big they are Traf. If a mod says I can put a picture of her knockers up I will because it don't show her face.

Go for it.

When you're ready.

I can't wait all day