Site Supporter superjohnmcginlay Posted June 15, 2012 Site Supporter Share Posted June 15, 2012 Why Can't Stevie Wonder see his mates? Because he's married Ba dum tish Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Juan.Kerr Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 What goes: click click click "it that it" ? click click "how about that" ? click click click "its that it" ? Stevie Wonder with a Rubic cube. No offence meant. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boothy Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 You're right, these shite jokes are offensive! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Juan.Kerr Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 You've got me in trouble now sjm. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boothy Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 I bumped into an old school firend today. He started showing off, talking about his well paid job and expensive sports car. Then he pulled out a photo of his wife and said "She's beautiful, isn't she?" I said, "If you think she's gorgeous, you should see my girlfriend." He said. "Why? Is she a stunner?" I said, "No, she's an optician." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Site Supporter Spider Posted June 15, 2012 Site Supporter Share Posted June 15, 2012 Where do fish keep their money? In the riverbank. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweep Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 In the riverbank. is that where they keep their net profits....... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Magoo Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner. Talk about Dyson with death. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Magoo Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin, 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it. I thought to myself, they've lost the plot!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Breightmet Boy Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 What's 8 inches long and makes my wife come? My finger and thumb when I click them together .. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Breightmet Boy Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 My wife said, "Can you explain why I've just found a pair of womens knickers in your coat pocket?" I said, "Yes I can.....it's because you're a nosey cunt!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Breightmet Boy Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 (edited) My wife is going to a fancy dress party tonight in a rasterfarian costume and she wants me to do her hair. I am dreading it.... I was on Countdown and when the letters round had finished I was asked to submit my answer. "I've got nine". "Really, let's hear your nine then" "Nine, that's spelled N.I.N.E" Edited June 15, 2012 by Breightmet Boy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Magoo Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 A wife says to her husband you're always pushing me around and talking behind my back. He says "What do you expect? You're in a wheelchair Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
miamiwhite Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 what do you call a bloke wearing 2 coats in a cemetery ? max bygraves Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest bwfcdan Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 One of my employees came into my office today. He insisted he'd quit if he wasn't treated with more respect. "Come on, we both know you'll never walk out of this job", I laughed. "Just watch me then!" he yelled. As he turned around in his wheelchair, I gathered he'd misunderstood my point. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
miamiwhite Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 what do you call an ethiopian comedian kenny neverett Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
miamiwhite Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 and what do you call an ethiopian boxer starvin hagler Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HazzyinBolton Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 what do you call a bloke wearing 2 coats in a cemetery ? max bygraves Kenny Everett, Max Bygraves & Ethiopians jokes - bloody hell, there's old jokes & your jokes! Plus, you missed this Tommy Cooper gem from the 70s: A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. ''But why?'' they asked, as they moved off. ''because,'' he said ''I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.'' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
miamiwhite Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 the younger ones on here may not have heard them i might even come out with the 'extractor fan' joke if you're lucky ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andydee Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 I can't help reading the one liners in a Tim Vine voice! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members DazBob Posted June 15, 2012 Members Share Posted June 15, 2012 What comes out of your nose at 200 mph? A Lamborgreenie. What travels round your waist at 200 mph. Hondapants. (well, Miami started it with the 1980's primary school jokes) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
miamiwhite Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 got to keep it up with an 80's style pub joke on a friday lunch what's the difference between an egg and a wank ? you can beat an egg but you can't beat a wank................................... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Breightmet Boy Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 (edited) Two retards cycling to Blackpool on there bikes down a big hill. One stops and let's his back wheel down, the other one asks him "What you doing?" "I'm lowering my seat" So the other unscrews his seat and handlebars and swaps them round and says "If your gonna fuck about like that I'm going home".... Edited June 15, 2012 by Breightmet Boy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fellman Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 bloke walks into a bar............."ouch" it was a iron bar.......... bud dum dish ..ill get me coat! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Site Supporter superjohnmcginlay Posted June 15, 2012 Author Site Supporter Share Posted June 15, 2012 Shakespeare walks into a bar,landlord shout oi, get out your bared Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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