Lad at work told me he Shit himself last night in front of his Mrs when picking up the remote off the floor , this spiralled into everyone’s story of the time they have shit themselves

I seemed to be in the minority of never shitting myself 

I bet some on here have, I bet some on here have paid to be shat on but that’s another thread

Sign of a good weekend 

Pissed myself in public in broad daylight too

1 minute ago, Zico said:

Sign of a good weekend 

Pissed myself in public in broad daylight too

Oh I’ve pissed myself. On the dart from Dublin to bray. couldn’t get off the fucker quick enough 

Are we including sharting? 

Been shit and pissed on at work if that counts? 

2 minutes ago, dave2980 said:

Are we including sharting? 

If that’s the case I may fall into the category 

4 minutes ago, bolton_blondie said:

Been shit and pissed on at work if that counts? 

Is that on the menu or is it a special by request?

4 minutes ago, Rudy said:

Is that on the menu or is it a special by request?

You want happy finish? I only wank off my fave old men. 

When I was 18, I shat myself on the revolving dancefloor at Syndicate nightclub in Blackpool. I hadn't been feeling well all day, but it was my mates 18th birthday party, so I soldiered on. Was doing well with this girl who went to college with my mate, dancing with her and a bit of smooching, then I suddenly shat myself, totally out of nowhere. Could feel it running down my legs. Pegged it to the bogs to clean myself up, and discarded my boxers in one of the toilet cisterns. It totally ruined my mood for the rest of the night, and I never got anywhere with the girl after that, even though she had no idea what had happened.

Just now, Cheese said:

When I was 18, I shat myself on the revolving dancefloor at Syndicate nightclub in Blackpool. I hadn't been feeling well all day, but it was my mates 18th birthday party, so I soldiered on. Was doing well with this girl who went to college with my mate, dancing with her and a bit of smooching, then I suddenly shat myself, totally out of nowhere. Could feel it running down my legs. Pegged it to the bogs to clean myself up, and discarded my boxers in one of the toilet cisterns. It totally ruined my mood for the rest of the night, and I never got anywhere with the girl after that, even though she had no idea what had happened.

Eeeh I've had some interesting nights in there. 

Just now, bolton_blondie said:

Eeeh I've had some interesting nights in there. 

That was the first and last time I ever went there.

loads of times

 

At least once a month. As recently as Sunday night. 

First time I did it I was sober. Stood on the landing having just got out of the shower. Had been feeling a bit off but nothing I was concerned about.

Anyway, hung the towel up, set off to go to the bedroom, farted and a load of dirt came out. Down my leg, on the carpet, even a splat on the bannister. I panicked and turned back round to go into the bathroom and slipped in some which meant a massive skidder of biz all down the landing carpet and my outstretched hand smearing some on the wall.

There’s an episode in Mallorca involving a day on shots, a skip and an angry local that I’ll put on later

25 minutes ago, Rudy said:

Oh I’ve pissed myself. On the dart from Dublin to bray. couldn’t get off the fucker quick enough 

At uni, afternoon session, got bored waiting for bus home, started walking, then started to need a piss 

On a busy road with nowhere I could go for a sly one, so started walking quickly as there was a place i could go bout 10 mins away 

Closer i got the more intense 

In my pissed state of mind i decided to stop at a cash point across from where i was heading, and then it came and there was nothing i could do other than act normal and get my cash as a lake formed round my foot and rolled off down the road 

Then had to walk the rest of the way home with soaked jeans

 

i followed through in the tent on Leverhulme Park, drinking on a empty stomach, big crowds on too that day.  I was seriously contemplating going to the docs as id never done it before, was a right mess 🤣

In Turkey in a really shit AI hotel. Ate some dodgy chicken then went on a boat ride the next day. Got back to the hotel and thought I was gonna die. Shit hole. 

I've got 3 times that stick out in my memory 🙂

The first time I was about 4 and at nursery. I knew I needed to go but didn't make it in time. I can't remember the reason why I didn't make it in time, probably story time or something as I remember it being close to the end of the day. 

The second time was in Goa, it was in the morning just after breakfast and I remember needing to fart. It wasn't a fart! Promptly jumped in the shower to get cleaned up and didn't stay too far from the toilet that day just in case. 

The third time I was on a night out and having a piss, farted during the process and then felt it running down my leg. That was a get cleaned up and dispose of my boxers job similar to Cheese

My closest effort was drinking at the prope Christmas doo in some conny club when I was about 18/19

29 minutes ago, Cheese said:

When I was 18, I shat myself on the revolving dancefloor at Syndicate nightclub in Blackpool. I hadn't been feeling well all day, but it was my mates 18th birthday party, so I soldiered on. Was doing well with this girl who went to college with my mate, dancing with her and a bit of smooching, then I suddenly shat myself, totally out of nowhere. Could feel it running down my legs. Pegged it to the bogs to clean myself up, and discarded my boxers in one of the toilet cisterns. It totally ruined my mood for the rest of the night, and I never got anywhere with the girl after that, even though she had no idea what had happened.

Fuckin hell you’ve just opened a memory. My mate disappeared to the bogs in mcCauleys on Bradshawgate

He was ages but we didn’t know where he had gone, just as we were leaving he catches up to us, said he’d shit himself, gone in his boxers, so he took them off, but the cistern was behind a wall and you couldn’t get to it, so he came out of the cubicle with the intention of putting them in the bin but the aftershave guy was there, so he did the next best thing and put them down the back of radiator and got out of there. 

Probably still there knowing that bar 

6 minutes ago, Rudy said:

My closest effort was drinking at the prope Christmas doo in some conny club when I was about 18/19

Fuckin hell you’ve just opened a memory. My mate disappeared to the bogs in mcCauleys on Bradshawgate

He was ages but we didn’t know where he had gone, just as we were leaving he catches up to us, said he’d shit himself, gone in his boxers, so he took them off, but the cistern was behind a wall and you couldn’t get to it, so he came out of the cubicle with the intention of putting them in the bin but the aftershave guy was there, so he did the next best thing and put them down the back of radiator and got out of there. 

Probably still there knowing that bar 

Probably why it closed down. Environmental health prob thought rats where dead under floorboards 

1 minute ago, bolton_blondie said:

Probably why it closed down. Environmental health prob thought rats where dead under floorboards 

It was a shithole well before that 

10 minutes ago, Rudy said:

It was a shithole well before that 

We all went in there though. 

Had a severe case of Salmonella poisoning when I was 15 where I was in hospital for 11 days.

At it’s worse I was shitting myself several times a day but had no idea half the time. The nurses had to check my bed sheets every hour not knowing what they’d find.

Also, don’t underestimate being bed bound for 11 days, I just thought I could hop out of bed and walk around, I was a heap on the floor as soon as tried walking.

Best man used a shitting yourself story in his speech at my wedding and everyone just seemed to accept it as summat I would do and laughed along.

Even my nan.

 

Been on the piss all day when I was about twenty and adhering to 'eating is cheating' rules, was in the nest of dibble and grasses The Blue Boar, felt rumblings - ran to relieve the pressure, someone in the trap. Thought about shitting in the piss-stone. It seeped out, had to sling my boxers - a posh pair bought in Barcelona, in the cistern.

I'd visit them from time to time.

On holiday in Herefordshire. Suddenly developed severe ear ache. Called in at a drop in centre and was told I had an ear infection. Gave me some spray.

Got back in the car, needed a fart, lifted a leg and sharted. Some fuckin ear infection. Had to remain still, in my own filth until we got back to the caravan.