Lad at work told me he Shit himself last night in front of his Mrs when picking up the remote off the floor , this spiralled into everyone’s story of the time they have shit themselves

I seemed to be in the minority of never shitting myself 

I bet some on here have, I bet some on here have paid to be shat on but that’s another thread

Why didn't you just put your trousers through the hotels laundry service?

3 hours ago, Sweep said:

About seven or eight years ago, I was in Munich for a trade fair. As usual the first night we got fucking hammered, and were out until about 5am. We have to be at the exhibition at about 09:30, so at 8:30 we board the U-Bahn,and the journey is about 40 minutes. Immediately I start to feel hot and bothered, and from nowhere my arse exploded, and about 2 litres of pure liquid bum gravy squirted out of my arse and started to run down my leg. I got off at the next step and legged it up the escalator, only to find out had stopped in a residential area. I was still seeping shit at this point, so had to squat between two cars and remove my trousers and keks, and clean up as best I could. I then went back to the station and fortunately there was a taxi there, so I got him to take me back to my hotel.

That's all bad enough, but I was there for 4 days, and this was only day two, and I'd only taken one suit. I cleaned the trousers as best as I could, and I thought I'd done a good job but the next day there was a hideous shitty waft following me around during my business meetings. Obviously mid way through day three, I had to go and buy some new trousers

I also, the same day/night got fined €50 by my hotel for vomiting out of my bed and onto the carpet as well.

It was one of my more memorable trips to Munich I must admit 😁

Hang on

You removed your pants and keks and walked back to the taxi?

Did you put them back on or sit in the taxi with the old chopper out?

2 minutes ago, Rudy said:

Hang on

You removed your pants and keks and walked back to the taxi?

Did you put them back on or sit in the taxi with the old chopper out?

Does the outcome have an impact on your next tug?

3 minutes ago, MickyD said:

Does the outcome have an impact on your next tug?

Of course. I’m not a weirdo

4 hours ago, Sweep said:

About seven or eight years ago, I was in Munich for a trade fair. As usual the first night we got fucking hammered, and were out until about 5am. We have to be at the exhibition at about 09:30, so at 8:30 we board the U-Bahn,and the journey is about 40 minutes. Immediately I start to feel hot and bothered, and from nowhere my arse exploded, and about 2 litres of pure liquid bum gravy squirted out of my arse and started to run down my leg. I got off at the next step and legged it up the escalator, only to find out had stopped in a residential area. I was still seeping shit at this point, so had to squat between two cars and remove my trousers and keks, and clean up as best I could. I then went back to the station and fortunately there was a taxi there, so I got him to take me back to my hotel.

That's all bad enough, but I was there for 4 days, and this was only day two, and I'd only taken one suit. I cleaned the trousers as best as I could, and I thought I'd done a good job but the next day there was a hideous shitty waft following me around during my business meetings. Obviously mid way through day three, I had to go and buy some new trousers

I also, the same day/night got fined €50 by my hotel for vomiting out of my bed and onto the carpet as well.

It was one of my more memorable trips to Munich I must admit 😁

Do me a favour and invite me on your next trade fair please

Sounds like a riot 🙂

On 02/09/2021 at 14:29, Spider said:

There’s an episode in Mallorca involving a day on shots, a skip and an angry local that I’ll put on later

You teasing bastard cmon tell the class

Have we fully covered vomiting yet?

Got in after a sesh and did the multi coloured porcelain yawn in a downstairs bog. Wife listening in bed upstairs thought "He really is not doing that is he? Yes he is" as I got the hoover out. Seemed to go well at first but I do remember a blue flash as I got into it. 

Took the cleaner into the repair shop the next day and the fussy git wouldn't touch it.

On 02/09/2021 at 14:29, Spider said:

First time I did it I was sober. Stood on the landing having just got out of the shower. Had been feeling a bit off but nothing I was concerned about.

Anyway, hung the towel up, set off to go to the bedroom, farted and a load of dirt came out. Down my leg, on the carpet, even a splat on the bannister. I panicked and turned back round to go into the bathroom and slipped in some which meant a massive skidder of biz all down the landing carpet and my outstretched hand smearing some on the wall.

There’s an episode in Mallorca involving a day on shots, a skip and an angry local that I’ll put on later

Crying laughing at that fucking brilliant 😂

Went to Snowdonia when I was about 10 on an adventure holiday,  stopped in this big house, can't remember the name, some of you will have been..

Anyway we walked up Snowdon one day and about 10 minutes in I was touching cloth. Took fucking hours to get to the top by which time I was badly struggling. Spent 20 minutes at the top queuing for toilets behind 500 other fuckers until was told we were going back down...walked back down from the knees down, doubled in pain. Made it to the bottom, into the minibus for a 20 minute drive back to the house, flew up the stairs, dived into the toilet, locked the door and shat myself undoing my belt... was just a wc too so wiped myself down best I could with my y fronts before crossing the landing to the bathroom. 

11 hours ago, little whitt said:

was on a job years ago 

a SCOUCER can i have some paint for my living room please 

yes wait till the jobs done ill sort you don,t NICK none you SCOUCE cunt 

every day fucking mithering 

next to the last day bit left in a tin had the SHIT of my life in there give it a good shake 

there you go lad 

Fuckin classic 😁

16 hours ago, Rudy said:

Hang on

You removed your pants and keks and walked back to the taxi?

Did you put them back on or sit in the taxi with the old chopper out?

I put the shitty strides back on of course. I left the soiled under crackers on the pavement

18 hours ago, Not in Crawley said:

Why didn't you just put your trousers through the hotels laundry service?

It was a two day service, and I thought I'd done a decent job in my sink. Obviously, I was still under the influence, and not thinking properly.

Anyway, everytime  I travel now, I always take an extra suit with me

5 minutes ago, Sweep said:

It was a two day service, and I thought I'd done a decent job in my sink. Obviously, I was still under the influence, and not thinking properly.

Anyway, everytime  I travel now, I always take an extra suit with me

If you do it again leave them in the trouser press

If you don’t disassemble it that is

Peter Cook on the subject

last night sat on the couch

farted, loads of brown liquid came out

went bog, squirted all over

dont feel to bad this morning, scared of farting though

and to make matters worse, i'm in a 4 hour meeting from 1pm ffs

it's going to be touch and go all day

35 minutes ago, L/H White said:

last night sat on the couch

farted, loads of brown liquid came out

went bog, squirted all over

dont feel to bad this morning, scared of farting though

and to make matters worse, i'm in a 4 hour meeting from 1pm ffs

it's going to be touch and go all day

Wear brown trousers

38 minutes ago, L/H White said:

last night sat on the couch

farted, loads of brown liquid came out

went bog, squirted all over

dont feel to bad this morning, scared of farting though

and to make matters worse, i'm in a 4 hour meeting from 1pm ffs

it's going to be touch and go all day

Stick some of the sprogs nappies together 

Kavos late 80s  lads holiday yellow shorts too much tequila night before running  across hot sand packed beach you know the rest …. 😐

@Spider still waiting on your Mallorca skip story 

1 hour ago, L/H White said:

last night sat on the couch

farted, loads of brown liquid came out

went bog, squirted all over

dont feel to bad this morning, scared of farting though

and to make matters worse, i'm in a 4 hour meeting from 1pm ffs

it's going to be touch and go all day

Buy some maternity pads. It's like shoving a mattress In your kecks. 

50 minutes ago, emus wig said:

Kavos late 80s  lads holiday yellow shorts too much tequila night before running  across hot sand packed beach you know the rest …. 😐

Tbf if you shit in the sea in kavos you would never know. 

31 minutes ago, bolton_blondie said:

Tbf if you shit in the sea in kavos you would never know. 

Every man and his dog in Kavos could have a shit on that main strip and it wouldn't smell any worse.

On 09/09/2021 at 09:28, L/H White said:

last night sat on the couch

farted, loads of brown liquid came out

went bog, squirted all over

dont feel to bad this morning, scared of farting though

and to make matters worse, i'm in a 4 hour meeting from 1pm ffs

it's going to be touch and go all day

No drama thank god

Thanks for the update.

Now feel free to go and do the deed and don't put your finger through the paper

Sharted plenty of times, think that's acceptable

Noticed on this holiday when I woke up in the morning I must have sharted

A 50p sized brown stain on white bedding, did the forensics and it must have been my backside

I spent 20 mins trying to rub it out before the cleaners caught it

I blame a heady mix of grilled seafood, Gyros, gigantes, mythos and raki

Bit late to the party, but as ever it was the Wanderers fault.

After a particular big Wanderers drink on the Saturday, I was clearing my head taking the dog over the fields Sunday morning. I jumped over a stile and within seconds without warning my stomach felt like it tuned a full 180deg and I literally had to drop my arse there and then. Ran into the middle of the next field and unleashed hell. Seconds later the dog trotted over, gave me an odd look and then took a dump right next to me. Found some dock leaves, then waddled home and straight into the shower.

I get reminded it about it on the same walk every time without fail by the kids.