dave2980

There's a few times where I've probably diced with death but the two that stand out are: 1) The time I managed to almost electrocute myself - I was working on something that had a 3ph incoming supply but then all the internal circuits were 1ph. I knocked off all the trip switches and disconnected the power supply to the part I was working on. While working on it the power supply cables caught my arm only they were still live! There was a blue flash and I heard the main board trip. Ended up with a lovely little burn on my arm but if the DB hadn't tripped I was probably a gonner 2) The time some dozey idiot nearly pushed me into the central reservation at 100 70 mph - I was on the M6, it was probably about 4.30 - 5am so it was very quiet. I could see ahead of me a lorry in the middle lane overtaking another lorry and a car also in the middle lane making no effort to overtake the lorry. I was passing them all in the 3rd lane doing 70 (honest officer!) when the driver of the car decided he was going to overtake the lorry with me alongside him. Evasive action needed, I had to floor it and move over on to the rough area between the white line and the barrier (about a foot wide at this point) and then swerve into the middle lane quickly as soon as I had passed him. Legs went after that so had to stop at the next services and let my colleague drive the rest of the way 😂

Reminds me of the time I rocked up for a shift at McDs both stoned as a c*nt and tripping my tits off. I wasn't very productive that day

I'd happily see it banned and I still enjoy a cig when I drink! I've spent the last 10 years smoking full time, socially smoking and not smoking to varying degrees. The longest I stopped for was about 18 months. When you used to be able to smoke inside the office would get a brew made on an hourly basis just so I could have a cig while I brewed up

A lot of business owners don't enforce it though simply because Danny Dickhead and his mates kick off about it and it isn't worth the trouble

Not wearing a mask while sat down/eating or drinking is like having a pissing section in a swimming pool

They are relying on the majority of the general public being more honest than the government have been of late

You're wrong. Yorkshire puddings shouldn't be served with any kind of roast dinner with the exception of roast beef

Hell no!

Turkey (from the farm behind my parents house), pigs in blankets (butchers), forcemeat stuffing (butchers), carrots, peas (garden, not mushy), sprouts (not for me 🤮), roast potatoes, mash and stuffing gravy (family recipe but basically gravy with paxo added) Given the choice I'd rather sit at home grazing on shite drinking red wine until I soil myself. Maybe next year

Another vote for LOTR and Harry Potter. There's probably more but that would involve thinking about it

He's a bellend

Or alternatively he wanted to be a she, made the change and then decided she fancied women

You get better image and sound quality from a Blu-ray so that's what I'd opt for. I'm not keen on streaming stuff either, especially over WiFi

Correct they wouldn't listen to me so I probably wouldn't bother. I might mutter some insults under my breath though

A few years ago I nicked a Henri Lloyd jacket from a pub in Blackpool, it had a load of ticket stubs in one of the pockets which I used for roaches

I wish Electricity North West were as efficient. Currently been without power at home since 2.30am and their website claims that they are still preparing to send a team out with no estimate as to when power will be restored

They don't usually check any forms at Manchester. They're supposed to check them before you get on the flight! (I'm assuming you were coming back from Italy and therefore in passport control)

With our luck it'll be 12 🤦‍♂️

Done

I've had stuff made in India before but it isn't a patch on my tailored suit bought in the uk

The Very one has been out for at least a month. That's way too early!

Luckily I'd finished the last large mouthful of wine (while in Frankie and Bennies) before I read this bit. Not sure I'd have been welcome back in a hurry 😂😂😂

Every days a school day

Aren't hot dogs usually pork*? They couldn't be halal (or kosher) even if they tried *I realise pork is a very loose description for what is usually mechanically recovered meat

That's because cheese is made from milk. Vegan cheese, I can only imagine, is made from about 73 different chemicals, not one of which is anywhere close to being milk