How do you hold your knob when you go for a piss? Presuming you have a knob to hold.

[kent_white]

2 hours ago, gonzo said:

It's the future pal. Give it a try, you won't look back.

No spraying issues, no misdirection, no post piss dribble and no toilet seat issues.

Sit and relax in comfort. Read the Isreal thread for a minute or two. Right good drain off and off you pop.

It's the future.

I go to the bog to relax. NOT read the Israel thread 😁

[kent_white]

45 minutes ago, Dimron said:

Which way do you wipe?

I'm a front to back guy

I tend to pull my balls forward, go through the legs and then back to front it. 

I don't feel I would get proper friction going front to back. What do you do, kind of shuffle forward on the seat and then reach behind? I'd be concerned about accidentally touching the porcelain with a knuckle. Especially on a public toilet. Can you offer any feedback? 

[gonzo]

I hover and go front to back. 

If I go under and back to front I'd be worried about forcing poo to gather at the base of the ball sacked.

I'd much rather pull it away if you will.

Each to their own like. We don't judge here.

[Spider]

1 minute ago, gonzo said:

I hover and go front to back. 

If I go under and back to front I'd be worried about forcing poo to gather at the base of the ball sacked.

I'd much rather pull it away if you will.

Each to their own like. We don't judge here.

I'm judging

If you wipe TOWARDS your balls then you're a terrorist.

It's filthy. Fucking filthy.

[little whitt]

4 minutes ago, Spider said:

I'm judging

If you wipe TOWARDS your balls then you're a terrorist.

It's filthy. Fucking filthy.

I Wipe That Way 

Dont Think my Small Arms 

Would /Can reach  round the Back 

even a Bird once said ive Never Seen Anyone Wipe that Way 

[Ani]

40 minutes ago, little whitt said:

I Wipe That Way 

Dont Think my Small Arms 

Would /Can reach  round the Back 

even a Bird once said ive Never Seen Anyone Wipe that Way 

Only Whit could type the last line of that as a simple matter of fact.

[Dimron]

2 hours ago, kent_white said:

I tend to pull my balls forward, go through the legs and then back to front it. 

I don't feel I would get proper friction going front to back. What do you do, kind of shuffle forward on the seat and then reach behind? I'd be concerned about accidentally touching the porcelain with a knuckle. Especially on a public toilet. Can you offer any feedback? 

I roll to the left and use my right hand from my ball bag rearward, no need to shuffle your balls around this way, I'd be afraid of getting a skiddy on my scrote.

[Dimron]

1 hour ago, little whitt said:

I Wipe That Way 

Dont Think my Small Arms 

Would /Can reach  round the Back 

even a Bird once said ive Never Seen Anyone Wipe that Way 

even a Bird once said ive Never Seen Anyone Wipe that Way 

So your bird watched you wipe your arse?

Did she shit onto a glass topped coffee table for you as well?

Edited August 6, 2025 by Dimron

[wakey]

In a pub in Leeds last year, bloke at the urinal had his keks round his ankles.

Reckon I've still got PTSD, the fucking weirdo.

[tomski]

8 minutes ago, Dimron said:

even a Bird once said ive Never Seen Anyone Wipe that Way 

So your bird watched you wipe your arse?

Did she shit onto a glass topped coffee table for you as well?

You probably don’t want the answer to this.

He once told me how he’d used his sock to wipe a shit whilst I was eating some breakfast 

[DirtySanchez]

8 minutes ago, Dimron said:

even a Bird once said ive Never Seen Anyone Wipe that Way 

So your bird watched you wipe your arse?

Did she shit onto a glass topped coffee table for you as well?

I don’t think you really want the answers to those questions 

[DirtySanchez]

1 minute ago, tomski said:

You probably don’t want the answer to this.

He once told me how he’d used his sock to wipe a shit whilst I was eating some breakfast 

Wigan away one time, he told me he could tell what a woman had been drinking from the taste of their piss

I asked him if he ever pissed on a woman

His response

Course not, I'm not some sort of deviant 

[Nowack]

25 minutes ago, wakey said:

In a pub in Leeds last year, bloke at the urinal had his keks round his ankles.

Reckon I've still got PTSD, the fucking weirdo.

I believe if you're a golfers and don't hit your drive past the ladies tee you are required to do this for the rest of the day. Another reason not to play the game, not because I couldn't hit it that far but because it's played by wankers. 

[Nowack]

On arse wiping, does anyone put one foot on the toilet seat while wiping front to back. Like a rock star on the amp. 

[DirtySanchez]

I once put my hand in my own shit and piss in a 'toilet' in Croatia 

As you were 

[Traf]

1 hour ago, tomski said:

You probably don’t want the answer to this.

He once told me how he’d used his sock to wipe a shit whilst I was eating some breakfast 

I can believe that he wiped his arse with a sock whilst you were eating breakfast

53 minutes ago, Nowack said:

On arse wiping, does anyone put one foot on the toilet seat while wiping front to back. Like a rock star on the amp. 

Yes, left foot up, left hand wipe.

[Sweep]

7 hours ago, Dimron said:

Which way do you wipe?

I'm a front to back guy

Real men don't wipe, just do your business, pull your trousers up, and walk away. Never look back. 

[gonzo]

Imagine how you'd sound if you said that some nonce in a book said you couldnt wipe your arse so you had to splash water down your crack whilst stood on the toilet seat to avoid your feet touching the floor thus splashing shitty poo water all over the gaff.

[Dimron]

59 minutes ago, Sweep said:

Real men don't wipe, just do your business, pull your trousers up, and walk away. Never look back. 

Mrs D does the washing and has banned white or light grey underpants 😆

[Tonge moor green jacket]

1 hour ago, gonzo said:

Imagine how you'd sound if you said that some nonce in a book said you couldnt wipe your arse so you had to splash water down your crack whilst stood on the toilet seat to avoid your feet touching the floor thus splashing shitty poo water all over the gaff.

Don't forget the paragraph where you're instructed to fire the lot, in a spray like a much spreader, all over the seat, pan and surrounding area.

Just to make sure the main dude hadn't been born to a man.

[Cheese]

17 minutes ago, Tonge moor green jacket said:

Don't forget the paragraph where you're instructed to fire the lot, in a spray like a much spreader, all over the seat, pan and surrounding area.

Just to make sure the main dude hadn't been born to a man.

Aye, because they had pressurised bidets in the Middle-East in the 5th Century AD.

The Holy Bible says the same about washing with water after shitting by the way, but don't let facts get in the way of a good Islamophobic rant. Where are you fellas going where you find shitty water all over the floor? I've worked in Muslim countries, and I haven't encountered it once.

Edited August 6, 2025 by Cheese

[gonzo]

16 minutes ago, Cheese said:

Aye, because they had pressurised bidets in the Middle-East in the 5th Century AD.

The Holy Bible says the same about washing with water after shitting by the way, but don't let facts get in the way of a good Islamophobic rant. Where are you fellas going where you find shitty water all over the floor? I've worked in Muslim countries, and I haven't encountered it once.

On a train to Halifax last month.

JD Gym In Blackpool South.

In the toilets, routinely, at Express Gifts factory in Accrington.

At a factory in Goldbourne.

My mate who was partner at Keoghs said it was rife there too. 

A poster off here Said its rife in his offices.

It's common. Very common.

 

[Cheese]

9 minutes ago, gonzo said:

On a train to Halifax last month.

JD Gym In Blackpool South.

In the toilets, routinely, at Express Gifts factory in Accrington.

At a factory in Goldbourne.

My mate who was partner at Keoghs said it was rife there too. 

A poster off here Said its rife in his offices.

It's common. Very common.

And all the bogs in these places have bidets or hosepipes in the traps? And you've made a note of who was in there before you? There's loads of Muslims where I work, and not a single toilet has a hosepipe in it. If someone wanted to clean their shitty arse with water, they'd have to cock a leg up on the sinks outside. In fact, I don't think I've seen a single public toilet that has that facility in this country. Possibly disabled bogs, but I've rarely had to use them and it's not something I've ever noticed.

Edited August 6, 2025 by Cheese

[kent_white]

1 minute ago, Cheese said:

And all the bogs in these places have bidets or hosepipes in the traps? There's loads of Muslims where I work, and not a single toilet has a hosepipe in it. If someone wanted to clean their shitty arse with water, they'd have to cock a leg up on the sinks outside. In fact, I don't think I've seen a single public toilet that has that facility in this country.

Not true. Thailand bum guns can very much be administered from a seated position. Just make sure you check the water pressure. 

[Cheese]

1 minute ago, kent_white said:

Not true. Thailand bum guns can very much be administered from a seated position. Just make sure you check the water pressure. 

I've never been to Thailand, and it's 90% Buddhist anyway.