dear NB....

 

If i put my work shirt in the wash now on a quick spin,will it be dry for 5:30am tomorrow?

Dear NB

 

I have recenlty moved into a furnished apartment which has a glass coffee table.

 

A woman I have met and would lovingly consider one of these 'fuckbuddy' types likes me (especially because her ex didnt know how to locate her G Spot) and makes a decent brew, but constantly refers to shitting on it whilst I am lay under it.

 

Is this normal behavior nowadays from the footloose and fancy free, and what cleaning products would you recommend?

 

Lots of love and boners

 

Smiffs

 

Dear Smiffs,

You need to dump (excuse the pun) the scat merchant and quickly. You may think it's fun now whilst you've a good supply or cillit bang and charmin kitchen roll, but what's going to happen when she asks you to remove the glass top, and it'll happen, mark my words as I've seen that video.

HTH

Lots of Love & Vimto

NB.

dear NB....

 

If i put my work shirt in the wash now on a quick spin,will it be dry for 5:30am tomorrow?

 

 

Hang it int airing cupboard and you'll be reet, flower.

dear nb's

i have very dark thoughts about torturing and killing people but how do i stop losing socks from the washer to radiator?

 

yours lovingly

bear...

dear nb's

i have very dark thoughts about torturing and killing people but how do i stop losing socks from the washer to radiator?

 

yours lovingly

bear...

 

 

Hi William,

Have you not thought of emigrating to a Central American Country or maybe joining an African Junta?

That way you can hurt people for fun and be able to wear just flip flops too.

Killing 2 birds one stone is all part of the service, and no charge either.

NB x

Well I'm disgusted!

 

The very thought that I would go on Facebook!

Well I'm disgusted!

 

The very thought that I would go on Facebook!

 

 

I'm not here to give you advice you want to hear. Sometimes it hurts, Wiggum, but you'll find I'm always right in the long run.

Regards

NB

 

By the way, you have Schediaphilia, you fucking freak.

I'm not here to give you advice you want to hear. Sometimes it hurts, Wiggum, but you'll find I'm always right in the long run.

Regards

NB

 

By the way, you have Schediaphilia, you fucking freak.

 

'Fucking Freak'!

 

Bit harsh

 

But fair

Dear NB, my usually freindly next door neighbour got a bit stroppy the other day when i said " You OK Tony " He replied my names not Tony, its Anthony, so can you call me that in future when you greet me. What should i do ? Start calling him Fuckface or ignore him ?

 

 

Dear NB, my usually freindly next door neighbour got a bit stroppy the other day when i said " You OK Tony " He replied my names not Tony, its Anthony, so can you call me that in future when you greet me. What should i do ? Start calling him Fuckface or ignore him ?

 

 

 

I'd be checkng if he's been hanging around kids or sommat.

 

Check the bin for body parts too.

 

Definate notright.

I'd be checkng if he's been hanging around kids or sommat.

 

Check the bin for body parts too.

 

Definate notright.

He repairs church organs for a living around the North & Midlands, never seen any wimmin going to his house, only groups of middle aged men.

Dear No Balls

 

I vaguely fancy your avatar.

 

Miss Piggy is up there with Betty Rubble and Jessica Rabbit for me.

 

Am I normal or should I be taken out into the street and beaten?

 

Thanks in advance,

 

Wiggum

 

I realise that Aunty NB would never suggest such a date but have you ever considered a foursome with yourself, Miss Piggy, Little Whitt and his fuck-buddy, Kermit. You never know, there may be some chemistry there somewhere.

He repairs church organs for a living around the North & Midlands, never seen any wimmin going to his house, only groups of middle aged men.

 

 

It's clearly a nonce ring & I suggest you ring the Sun and make some money on selling the story.

I bet he uses his middle name too.

I realise that Aunty NB would never suggest such a date but have you ever considered a foursome with yourself, Miss Piggy, Little Whitt and his fuck-buddy, Kermit. You never know, there may be some chemistry there somewhere.

 

What do you think I am, some kind of pervert?

 

I mean, Kermit and Piggy fair enough, but Little Whitt?

 

Dear Auntie NB

 

Ive got a fetish for the older lady, say 55ish, but can't seem to get the guts to ask them if I can lubricate their innereds. Have you any good chat up lines what will appeal to the more mature lady.

 

PS, I want one like Lulu

Dear BB,

Seeing as I'm not old I haven't a clue what older ladies fall for but from my research I'd expect having your own hair and teeth is quite enough to pull.

Good luck, and don't forget the KY.

 

Regards

NB

Dear NB, my usually freindly next door neighbour got a bit stroppy the other day when i said " You OK Tony " He replied my names not Tony, its Anthony, so can you call me that in future when you greet me. What should i do ? Start calling him Fuckface or ignore him ?

 

 

get his number and post it on here, we can all ring up and ask for tony

get his number and post it on here, we can all ring up and ask for tony

Ha Ha, i think the reason why he is being so curt is because we share a same downspout off the guttering and with my gutter being blocked with moss all the overflow is going over his pebbledash when it rains. I told the council a few weeks ago. about the problem, still waiting.. But the cunt had a bloke round with ladders unblocking his gutter, you would have thought they would have done mine knowing the problem he his getting.

The cannaries?

 

You took her on a sightseeing tour of a baked bean factory? Sure she didn't dump you?

 

 

'Ocasion'. 'Appology'. T'lads a notreet.

'Ocasion'. 'Appology'. T'lads a notreet.

I think we need a Little Whitt type Thesaurus on here.

I think we need a Little Whitt type Thesaurus on here.

 

 

I experienced on of his chat up lines at the Brass Cat recently. Group of lasses walk in and LW's straight up to the biggest one, grabs her by the hand and says 'Yer've got mons hons'.

 

And they say romance is dead.

NB

I am at an exhibition all week with one of my Directors.

 

If he comes into my room after a skin full of ale armed with a tube of KY, do I submit to go up the corporate ladder?

Dear NB,

 

I am off to Amsterdam in a few weeks for a weekend sight seeing. Should i tell my German girlfriend who is working hard for our new life together or not?

 

Confused

Big E

Dear

Dr NB

met a girl fri night. met her for a coffee last night on tesco car park were she give me a vary nice blow job in my car and did not spill a bit....shoule i take her my mums for tea sunday..

Regards a vary happy little whitt

Dear

Dr NB

met a girl fri night. met her for a coffee last night on tesco car park were she give me a vary nice blow job in my car and did not spill a bit....shoule i take her my mums for tea sunday..

Regards a vary happy little whitt

 

Sounds like the start of a Craig David song.

 

Good on her for not spilling a drop of coffee in your car though.