Have we had one of these before?

 

I'll start the ball rolling...

 

 

 

Kids got chewing gum in their hair? Don't cut it out, grab a handful of peanut butter and pull the gum out of the hair - the oils in the peanut butter break it down.

 

Squeeky door hinge but no WD40? Just spray air freshener onto the hinge. Voila - no more squeeking.

Don't wipe your arse with a broken bottle?

Never go on a beach with ones missus without eye protection.

Butter your floor, and not the toast

Make wanking seem more professional by knocking one out over colleagues' LinkedIn photos rather than their Facebook pics.

Make wanking seem more professional by knocking one out over colleagues' LinkedIn photos rather than their Facebook pics.

 

I'm not that keen though on Geoff in accounts

I'm not that keen though on Geoff in accounts

 

He's very keen on you though.

don't work in tottenham court road if you want to finish early on a friday :thumbsup:

accept any vagina when offered, for any hole remains a goal.

never make eye contact whilst eating a banana.

accept any vagina when offered, for any hole remains a goal.

 

Unless the owner of the vagina is drunk ... and has already shagged your mate...

don't work in tottenham court road if you want to finish early on a friday :thumbsup:

:thumbsup:

accept any vagina when offered, for any hole remains a goal.

and of course unless the vagina belongs to a farmyard animal, and that animal isn't even particularly attractive

Midgets/Dwarves: Draw less attention to your disability by dressing up in children's clothes and passing yourself off as a toddler.

dont buy ribbed condoms,

 

just superglue split lentils to your hampton

 

more a better effect you could also use dried peas

Clean glass or mirrored flat surfaces streak free with damp newspaper rather than a cloth.

 

Might come in handy for the columbian descendants on here.

Clean glass or mirrored flat surfaces streak free with damp newspaper rather than a cloth.

 

Might come in handy for the columbian descendants on here.

 

Get a micro cloth. My mother got me one, she's helpful like that!

Get a micro cloth. My mother got me one, she's helpful like that!

 

If only she knew!

 

I have one but its reserved for my ray charles experience gegs.

If only she knew!

 

I have one but its reserved for my ray charles experience gegs.

 

She's does.

She's proper down with the kids

I've child proofed all my downstairs doorhandles by turning them upside down.

 

Its genius.

Avoid dawdling at 17mph behind some senile old fart in a Nissan Micra by driving a Sherman tank and blasting the fucker out of the way.

Avoid dawdling at 17mph behind some senile old fart in a Nissan Micra by driving a Sherman tank and blasting the fucker out of the way.

 

I find a ford transit works quite well

Always

 

ALWAYS

 

Check there's some fucking bumwad before you start hurling a weeks worth of lager laden dirt down the chord bin.

 

That walk to the shower, whilst only a few metres, was abominable.

 

 

 

 

You've run out of it full stop?

You've run out of it full stop?

 

This wasn't that recent.

 

But yes, none at all. There my have been some kitchen roll in the kitchen, but the walk would have been simply too wretched to consider.

 

I always check now. Always.

There's some things no household should never run out of.

 

Bog roll, shampoo/conditioner, deodorant & Vimto.