After being a standing wiper for well over 30 yrs the last six months ive changed to remaining seater whilst cleaning the cigar cutter out. Anybody else done got any habits that they changed to do the total opposite of after years

Only dirty bastards stand when wiping

I don't wipe. It's unnatural.

I ruptured my left buttock a few years ago. Now, as someone who is right-handed this caused havoc with my wiping technique as I couldn't lean on the afore mentioned cheek.

 

For a good couple of weeks I had to wipe with my left hand. How you lefty freaks do this as a course of habit I'll never know.

I ruptured my left buttock a few years ago. Now, as someone who is right-handed this caused havoc with my wiping technique as I couldn't lean on the afore mentioned cheek.

For a good couple of weeks I had to wipe with my left hand. How you lefty freaks do this as a course of habit I'll never know.

Left for left, right for right. Easy

cant believe in this day and age

people don't have a Young black boy as a WIPER​

cant believe in this day and age

 

people don't have a Young black boy as a WIPER​

 

Are you not better with toilet roll as it may difficult to flush the boy

I had to put nappy rash cream on my starfish yesterday after a particularly fiery curry caused untold havoc.

 

It worked a treat, highly recommend it.

 

Standing up to wipe, by the way, is the sort of thing only serial killers do.

Under what circumstances would stand up wiping provide an advantage? Surely this leads to involuntary clenching of the buttocks - ergo impeded access to the anal sphincter?

I bet you filthy sitters, wipe from back to front, and have horrible shitty brown bollocks too.

 

Freaks.

 

You might as well go the whole hog and shove a tampax up there.

Under what circumstances would stand up wiping provide an advantage? Surely this leads to involuntary clenching of the buttocks - ergo impeded access to the anal sphincter?

Precisely, it's the work of the mentally unstable.

 

The best method I ever saw (well, in a manner of speaking), was a mutual friend of ours in Chester Moonshines.

 

They had run out of bog roll so he took a laminated cocktail menu into the trap with him. He said the creased joint in the menu, combined with the solid plastic it was made of resulted in a near-perfect scrape that removed his dirt in pretty much a single pass.

 

The chafing was a small price to pay.

Edited July 10, 201610 yr by Spider

How the fuck can you wipe your arse properly standing up? Like Spider writes, the act of the fucking deranged. At least now we know how all that shitty paper ends up on the floor of the traps, and how full grown men can have skiddy knicks.

Are you not better with toilet roll as it may difficult to flush the boy

That's what Madonna was doing in Africa, she wasn't adopting, she was shopping after a couple of flush accidents. Itk

Im a stander, access obtained via partial squat. 

Im a stander, access obtained via partial squat.

Partial squat.

 

AKA sitting down

Im a stander, access obtained via partial squat.

In a kind of ski jumper prior to take off position?

I'm sorry, standing in any format just closes the buttocks and thus smears shit everywhere...

 

Standers, go and seek psychiatric help.

Standers

 

Do you have a shuffle round the bathroom whilst your at it? Smearing your detritus all over your crack.

 

How do you get right up to the nipsy without shite going up to your wrist?

In a kind of ski jumper prior to take off position?

 

I'd estimate that my degree of squat was halfway between the ski jump and golf tee-off position

I'd estimate that my degree of squat was halfway between the ski jump and golf tee-off position

And does your wiping hand go through the legs or around the hips?

And does your wiping hand go through the legs or around the hips?

 

Around the hips of course, my elbow making angle of approximately 135 degrees.

 

Through the legs would be the work of a savage and would require a much deeper squat to execute the manoeuvre in the orthodox, front to back manner.

Edited July 10, 201610 yr by RoadRunnerFan

When I saw this thread title, I thought it would be about one of Gonzo's nuns porno jobbies.

 

Stander by the way and cleanliness is all about paying attention instead of being a lazy cunt (like sitters).

 

On that subject, I am an unabashed fan of the bidet. Remarkable invention.

Edited July 10, 201610 yr by bolty58

When I saw this thread title, I thought it would be about one of Gonzo's nuns porno jobbies.

 

Stander by the way and cleanliness is all about paying attention instead of being a lazy cunt (like sitters).

 

On that subject, I am an unabashed fan of the bidet. Remarkable invention.

Honest to God - if there was one person I thought I could count on as an orthodox sitter on this site it would have been you Bolty. I have never used a bidet - but am a huge fan of the 'bumgun' employed in Asia. I've never felt properly clean since.

 

Roadrunner - if I was to employ a standing technique then I'm almost certain I would move my testicles to one side using my left hand and then attack the crevice via the space it had opened up using paper in my left hand.

I bet you filthy sitters, wipe from back to front, and have horrible shitty brown bollocks too.

 

Freaks.

 

You might as well go the whole hog and shove a tampax up there.

 

I have to do my arms wont reach round the back

Roadrunner - if I was to employ a standing technique then I'm almost certain I would move my testicles to one side using my left hand and then attack the crevice via the space it had opened up using paper in my left hand.

 

That would require either a: a very deep squat or b: bending your back to a degree that may put you at significant risk, in order to achieve full cleansing.

 

I'd strongly recommend that you do not alter your current technique should your alternative strategy be as outlined above.

 

Option b would be in clear contravention of your manual handling training given your line of work and I'd suggest booking in for a refresher.

Edited July 10, 201610 yr by RoadRunnerFan

Bum guns and andrex wipes.

 

Never sore and always totally clean.

 

Surprises me how many people don't use the wipes.

 

You wouldn't wash your car with a dry sponge would you?