Can anyone beat that?

Edited May 23, 201412 yr by DazBob

What supplies was he obtaining from Mr X?

Years ago I used to work (briefly) with a woman who thought it was odd that alot of Judge's first names were Justice

 

We got her to "chase a lead" and gave her the tel number for Buckingham Palace, where she asked for Elizabeth Windsor. She didn't get it afterwards.

 

She also thought London was in the North East

 

She now runs her own company doing something to do with PR/Hospitality etc. Scary

What supplies was he obtaining from Mr X?

 

Ricin, naturally.

Years ago I used to work (briefly) with a woman who thought it was odd that alot of Judge's first names were Justice

 

We got her to "chase a lead" and gave her the tel number for Buckingham Palace, where she asked for Elizabeth Windsor. She didn't get it afterwards.

 

She also thought London was in the North East

 

She now runs her own company doing something to do with PR/Hospitality etc. Scary

 

Excellent.

 

Now - If you'd care to answer the obvious two questions...

I know this is not 'worked with' but happened to me this week.

 

Scooter Club on a run to a remote seaside village this weekend called 'Seabird'. One pub, one community hall, one general store, one policeman and about 70 houses, half of which are weekenders for Perth folk.

 

Seabird Tavern is a good pint though - great position perched on the edge of a cliff overlooking the Indian Ocean. We always ring first then they can have enough food supplies in. Plenty of itinerant staff and this time I spoke with an Irish lass called Niamh. She asked who we were:-

 

Bolty "Paradise Lost Scooter Club"

 

Niamh "Scooter Club?"

 

Bolty "Yes, scooter club - we have ridden up from Perth to visit you a few times before"

 

Niamh "So how will you get up then, on the bus?"

 

 

 

They do it on purpose, don't they?

I've known some fucking spastics, mostly amongst the bosses, most of their fuck ups are in house kind of things which wouldn't mean anything to anybody outside the bubble, but one particualr classic was a girl who got sent to Kosovo at very short notice. Someone asked her to pick it out on a map and she pointed at Tanzania.

 

Incidentally, a woman on The Weakest Link was asked which middle eastern country's flag was plain green with Allah Akbar in white Arabic text in the middle. She ummed, ahhed and said Israel. I mean, how wrong can you be?

Excellent.

 

Now - If you'd care to answer the obvious two questions...

They were large, but so was she

 

And no, no I didn't

 

I wouldn't have even with Widnes's rotting staff

Don't work with him but a mate of mine, who is actually very intelligent, once rang his IT help desk at work

 

Mate - "My PC ain't working"

 

IT help bod - "Have you got any windows open?"

 

Mate - "No, but I've got the air conditioning on"

One lad at work once asked me did I know a telephone number for a local Taxi firm, I promptly replied of course 9 double 9 683....When he was given three options he replied Taxi please!

A customer I spoke to last year ordered 100 solar panels (which are quite weighty as you would imagine), our conversation went like this:

 

Customer: Can you ship them via Sea Freight today, as it's cheapr than paying air freight costs

Me: Yes, we've already instructed them to ship by sea

Customer: Where are they coming from

Me: Shanghai

Customer: Are they definitely leaving by sea today then?

Me: Yes

Customer: Oh good, do you reckon I can get them before 12 noon tomorrow?

Me: It's not very likely is it, the goods are leaving Shanghai on a boat today and you're in Newcastle.

Customer: Oh, I see, do you think they'll be with me before 5 then?

Me: How long do you think it takes for a shipment to get from Shanghai to Southampton and then on a truck up to Newcastle?

Customer: I don't know, about 12 hours?

Me: Do you know where Shanghai is

Customer: Yes, Japan

Me: No, it's China

Customer: Is that further away then, is that why it takes more than 12 hours....

 

At that point her boss took the phone off her, apologised and said they were happy to wait 4 weeks.

Bloke in staff mess to chef "a full english please with black pudding"

Chef, "sorry mate, no black pudding but I can burn you a sausage"

Bloke,"will it taste the same"

Chef,"near enough"

Bloke, "go on then"

 

HMP Hindley staff mess [kardomah] circa 1995

My boss

 

Who can't see that he undevalues me

Ashey

A customer I spoke to last year ordered 100 solar panels (which are quite weighty as you would imagine), our conversation went like this:

 

Customer: Can you ship them via Sea Freight today, as it's cheapr than paying air freight costs

Me: Yes, we've already instructed them to ship by sea

Customer: Where are they coming from

Me: Shanghai

Customer: Are they definitely leaving by sea today then?

Me: Yes

Customer: Oh good, do you reckon I can get them before 12 noon tomorrow?

Me: It's not very likely is it, the goods are leaving Shanghai on a boat today and you're in Newcastle.

Customer: Oh, I see, do you think they'll be with me before 5 then?

Me: How long do you think it takes for a shipment to get from Shanghai to Southampton and then on a truck up to Newcastle?

Customer: I don't know, about 12 hours?

Me: Do you know where Shanghai is

Customer: Yes, Japan

Me: No, it's China

Customer: Is that further away then, is that why it takes more than 12 hours....

 

At that point her boss took the phone off her, apologised and said they were happy to wait 4 weeks.

 

That's amused me has that. I presume she was sacked not long after.

Me: Do you know where Shanghai is

Customer: Yes, Japan

Me: No, it's China

Customer: Is that further away then, is that why it takes more than 12 hours....

 

At that point her boss took the phone off her, apologised and said they were happy to wait 4 weeks.

 

::

I look after one of the patients at work whos on a ventilaitor that helps him breathe. This new woman (well she has been here nearly a year) is that thick we had her holding onto a breathing bag standing on a chair pumping air in and out of it. We told her we needed the best air and she did it for 20 mins, the silly moo! Anyone else would have realised we where talking the piss!

Bloke in staff mess to chef "a full english please with black pudding"

Chef, "sorry mate, no black pudding but I can burn you a sausage"

Bloke,"will it taste the same"

Chef,"near enough"

Bloke, "go on then"

 

HMP Hindley staff mess [kardomah] circa 1995

 

Great.

Ashey

 

Ashey & bwfcryan86 for me... Small world

A couple from one girl in our office:

 

On having to get US Dollars for a holiday:

 

"WHy isn'T America in the Euro"

 

And that's not the best bit. When we asked why she thought they would be, replied:

 

"Well, they were on our side in the war weren't they?"

 

 

 

Whe also thought Suffragettes were a vegetable.

 

 

Oh, and that Belgium was the capital of Holland

 

And that Brittany was another name for Britain.

 

 

Actually, she's a idiot.

A mate o mine was going on Holiday to Italy with a few o the lads from the pub.

 

Just about before landing the Pilot comes over the Tannoy

 

This is Captain whoever & we'll be landing soon, It's a lovely day in wherever & it's 26 degree's

 

Another mate said.

 

Work that out Steely.

 

Steely closes his eye's looks up & says " 12 quid"

 

Half the lads say " what is"

 

To which Steely say's 20 x 60p

 

Priceless

 

He was right though!!

 

Isaac

One girl I worked with once asked why can't everyone speak English?

 

I said why should they?

 

Her reply was well when I go to italy I don't want to have to

Learn some italish to get a carbonara?

was in the usa 5 weeks back puld up at a coffee drive throu 2 young blond girls...

ME..white coffee please

NUM AS PISS GIRL.. we dont do white coffee beans

ME... do you do coffee with milk then

NUM AS PISS GIRL ...yes sir

ME ...you people need to get out more your one thick bunch

NUM AS PISS GIRL ...have a nice day sir

Lad at our place called Aidy Numb as a piss stone

 

 

Me brother was chatting to a lass (a Harvard graduate in fact) when for some reason the subject of the Isle of Man came up. When informed that it was situated in the middle of the Irish Sea her response was to ask "Does it float?"