This just came to mind as I dropped a slice of bread on the floor.....

 

'The path of my life is strewn with cowpats from the devil's own satanic herd'

 

Blackadder II

" Show me a home were the Buffalo roam and i'll show you a house full of shit ." 

 

Bernard Manning.

Tragically, I was an only twin.

Peter Cook

We dominated the match without the ball....

'I find that a duck's opinion of me is very much influenced by whether or not I have bread'

 

Mitch Hedberg

We dominated the match without the ball....

There are very fine lines in the ***pick the division Mr Coyle's team are losing in****

Derek Guyler (in Sykes) "Helmet on, Constable Turnbull. Helmet off, Corky".

.....then they did a jigsaw.

 

Red Dwarf at its finest,

Tragically, I was an only twin.

Peter Cook

 

Asked how he felt Private Eye having been succesfully sued." I'm under the moon".

'An escalator cannot break, it can only become stairs'

 

Mitch Hedberg again

"I expected the Rocky Mountains to be a little rockier than this"

"Yeah, that John Denver's full of shit"

 

Dumb and dumber

"when you say monthly, what do you mean?"

Unfortunately, most of the infantry think you're a prat. Ask them who they'd prefer to meet: Squadron Commander Flasheart or the man who cleans out the public toilets in Aberdeen, and they'd go for Wee Jock "Poo-Pong" McPlop, every time.

I could tell my parents hated me, my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

Unfortunately, most of the infantry think you're a prat. Ask them who they'd prefer to meet: Squadron Commander Flasheart or the man who cleans out the public toilets in Aberdeen, and they'd go for Wee Jock "Poo-Pong" McPlop, every time.

I've got the book of all the scripts, it's ace.

"You know, they do say... that concrete lamp-posts never go deaf"

 

boom boom boom?

'Play it nice and cool Trig, nice and cool'

One time, I was stationed out in Belize, right, and I had this little macaque monkey as a pet, right? And one day, I came back to my tent, right, and it’d eaten all my fags.

 

So I picked it up and I threw it into the sea.

"Her arsehole was completely blocked with Spanish revolutionaries"

 

Derek & Clive

Plugs. What kind of plugs?

 

A rubber one, bathroom.

 

What size?

 

Thirteen amp.

I'm getting the word .......

What, with these feet?

 

Porridge. Series 1, episode 1.

i was going to town on my bird realy ruining her..."i said to her go in your kitchen and get something i can stick up you "

 

 

she come's back with a screw driver

Good morning Anals

 

Good morning Charlie

 

Max and Paddy (Charlie's Anals)