bolty58

Kinell, my sense of humour must have changed sin moving down here. I thought that was p1ss funny. Not to be deterred, time for some motivational posters:-

Bloody hell Baz, frittened o' touching em? In the case of snails, gather them in a bucket and put a lid on it. Feed em on only parsley or cress for 3 days to clean out any toxins in their system. Whack some olive oil, chopped garlic into a frying pan, chuck the fookers in and cook em for about 3 or 4 minutes. Sprinkle with a mountain of chopped parsley and get em down yer neck. Garden snails in England are just as good as the expensive escargots you'd be served in France.

Early days but I believe Capello will prove to be the best we've had since Sir Alf. Neither takes (or took) any nonsense and demand respect and decorum from players representing their country. Rubs off in everything they do. Playing with pride often means better results. Not getting too carried away and predicting anything silly other than a lot less embarrassing moments.

Not when he's in an England shirt I don't. Just wish he'd shave off that ridiculous looking ginger beard.

Traf, if you'd had a saver on Littorio, I would be feeling more confident about your chances. Husslers trainer on TV tonight. Had the wry smile and a glint in his eye that makes you think everything about the Hussler is spot on. Handles Caulfield well. Just need him to get across from barrier 11 and be able to switch off just off the pace. If Rawiller can manage that, he'll be hard to hold out in the straight. The more I examine Littorios lead up races, the more nervous I am about him being the knockout horse. Don't know owt aboutr Mad Rush. Must be a good un from the Cumani stable? The best race in Australasia is next week. The WS Cox Plate - weight for age championship of Australasia. I have already mentioned Princess Coup. If the Hussler also goes around after winning the Caulfield Cup (assuming he does), it should be one hell of a clash.

Suffolk Percheron

Out of order that The most loyal of the loyal.

Mekon?

So you agree with me then? Wonders never feckin cease.

Ace fer washing thy feet.

Can't vouch for England but here in Oz these days with multanova radar cameras, a blank CD or DVD apparently roots the radars photograph as all they get on the print is what resembles a big flash. Apparently reflected from the CD. Loads here swear it works.

What's the problem. Any of us that has ever had owt to do with them still detests them so it evens out.

Don't they show stains Baz?

This has been put on the net on 31st January 2008 by an English teacher from Phoenix, Arizona. The professor told his class one day "Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to their immediate right. For homework tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send me a copy also. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add the next paragraph to the story and send it back to the partner and to me. Please remember to re read what has been written each time so that we end up with coherent stories. There is to be absolutely no talking to each other outside of the e-mails and anything you wish to say must be written within the confines of the story and only e-mailed. The story is over when both agree a conclusion is reached" The following is a story turned in by two of his students, Rebecca and Gary. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ THE STORY (first paragraph from Rebecca) At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favourite for relaxing evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl who had once said, in happier times, that he enjoyed chamomile tea. She felt that she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating and if she thought about him too much her asthma started to act up again. Chamomile was out of the question! (second paragraph from Gary) Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit above Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neurosis of an air headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17", he said into his transgalactic communicator, "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far........". Before he could sign off, a bluish coloured particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ships cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him reeling across the cockpit. (third paragraph from Rebecca) He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for brutalising the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards peaceful farmers on Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanantly Abolishing War And Space Travel" screamed the headline on Lauries newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited and bored her. She stared wistfully out of the window, dreaming of her youth when the days passed unhurriedly and carefree with no newspapers or television to distract her from the sense of innocent wonder at natures beauty laid out before her. " Why must one lose ones innocence to become a woman" she pondered. (fourth paragraph from Gary) Little did she know but she had less than ten seconds to live. A hundred miles above the city, the Anudrian mothership launched the first of its Lithium fusion missiles. The dim witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through Congress had left Earth a defenceless target for hostile alien empires who were determined to obliterate the human race. Within two hours of the passing of the treaty, the Anudrian ships were en route to Earth carrying enough firepower to completely atomise the planet. With nobody in a position to offer any resistance, they quickly initiated their diabolical plan. The Lithium fusion missile entered the Earths atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor near Guam felt the shock wave from the inconceivably massive explosion which vaporised poor, stupid Laurie. (Rebecca) This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is clearly a psychopathically violent, chauvinistic semi literate adolescent. (Gary) Yeah? Well my writing partner is clearly a self centred neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh, shall I have chamomile tea or shall I have some other kind of FOOKING TEA???!!!" "Oh no, what am I to do? I am such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels!" (Rebecca) Asshole (Gary) Bitch. (Rebecca) Fook you, neanderthal. (Gary) Go drink some tea, whore. (Teacher) A+.................I really liked this one.

'Baby on board' stickers. Yeah, yeah, we all know you're fertile you sad f?cker. 40 lashes.

At least they are Brits and not Australian noisy, scruffy c?nts.

As a regular visitor with the job, I can confirm that most of what posters have said above is reet:- The river Main flows right through the centre. Theoretically, the other side to the high rise buildings is Offenbach. Alt Sachsenhausen is a good place for bars and stuff. Apfelwein is sound. Pretty sour tasting but you get used to it. Only way we could get a cold drink in June 06 was a stein full of ice with apfelwein poured in. You tend to get a bit loopy after 12 of em. There's a couple of bars of interest there. Klapper 77 is a neo nazi bar where they often have a load of regalia on display. Just round the corner is the Eintracht Ultras bar (forget name - next door to a takeaway schnitzel bar called 'El Torito'). Landlord is sound and was buying us every second drink last July. Tickled pink that a non Eintracht fan had the b0llocks to saunter in and have a beer or seven whilst displaying his BWFC tatt. Full of big, daft looking skins into body building and nazi tatts. My medical bills were quite reasonable really Seriously, no problems. Had a cracking day on the piss with em. As somebody said above - can't miss the red light district. Main exit door faces the very street it's centred around (about 2 blocks up). The Hells Angels Carlos mentioned run the show. The altercation with England fans was supposed to be due to some refusing to pay after they'd blown their cookies. Not sure if that's reet as I would have thought they demand their money in advance?

All the best mate.

I got the connection between those two Undies. very good Fiesta was OK but I always liked Knave and that filthy strumpet Fiona Richmond. Sex on a bloody stick she was. Anyone else remember the furore she caused in Bury when she bought the registration plate 'PEN 1S'? From a vicars mini if I remember rightly! Mucky devil she was. Spit roast downhill racer.

Fooking hot. 32C tomorrow and we are only just into spring. Racing - one at a time. Caulfield Cup this weekend. All the rage has been Weekend Hussler. Some horse up to his last start failure in the Turnbull when he was 3 and 4 wide for the entire 2000m trip. Ran 5th or 6th. Conjecture that Ross McDonald was 'foxing' with him and had done zero work with him in the preceding week; just using the race to keep him at a level for the big one this Saturday. Wonderful horse. I have a slight doubt about his ability to get a strongly run mile and a half but top liners can often prove you wrong. Marvellous animal. Main dangers have to be Littorio and Master O'Reilly (last years winner and trained to the minute for Saturday). Up in the weights from last year, however. I hope Weekend Hussler wins as he has been magnificent this time in. Too many doubts to tip him strongly. Littorios win in the main lead up race was mightily impressive and may be the one to be on. I hoped they would skip the Caulfield Cup with the Hussler and go straight to the WS Cox Plate (2040m) where I would have been tipping him. At the moment, however, I would strongly suggest that you look at a Kiwi horse called Princess Coup for the Cox Plate. Has all the right credentials and has been braining them in kiwiland. At this point in time, last years Melbourne Cup winner, Efficient, seems to be bang on target for the first Tuesday in November. We'll know more after the Caulfield as the first 5 in that race nearly always contains the Melbourne Cup winner. Personally, I think Elmander just needs a little time and he'll prove to be a sound buy (just put that in as a feeble attempt to stop this post being moved to the punters page )

Caravans would have been stripped bare overnight? Do they have lead flashing on the rooves?

Better bait please young man

Aye, especially as it's me brothers first game in 29 years!

But what about the pastie?

Fook me. It's my northern hemisphere doppelganger! Same thing happened to me.