This thread has restored my sense of humour... I have laughed for half an hour at least at the stories. It nearly makes up for getting made redundant on Monday.

I'm going to get shitfaced now.

Any of you gremlins who frequent the East Stand concourse on Sunday can ask Brooksy about my morning after the night before shitting habits at Honest Abduls Hotel in Belgium.

 

Shitting in the bath was a different journey, but he was also present. Oh, and the shit and piss trick in The Marriott, Prague.

 

The common denominator is purely coincidental.

Any of you gremlins who frequent the East Stand concourse on Sunday can ask Brooksy about my morning after the night before shitting habits at Honest Abduls Hotel in Belgium.

 

Shitting in the bath was a different journey, but he was also present. Oh, and the shit and piss trick in The Marriott, Prague.

 

The common denominator is purely coincidental.

 

I'll ask but I'm worried I'll open the door for the rest of the deviants to tell me their shitting tales! Lord knows where that'll end.

 

Gremlins? Is that the people above the stands call us?

I'll ask but I'm worried I'll open the door for the rest of the deviants to tell me their shitting tales! Lord knows where that'll end.

 

Gremlins? Is that the people above the stands call us?

 

Actually they refer to you as 'that set of cunts under the stand all the game'

Actually they refer to you as 'that set of cunts under the stand all the game'

 

Well, that's alright then.

I'll ask but I'm worried I'll open the door for the rest of the deviants to tell me their shitting tales! Lord knows where that'll end.

 

I have to admit that many, many moons ago when living in West London I got caught short late night/early morning just a few hundred yards from my gaff. It wasn't far, but it was a bridge too; especially after a 20 minute walk from Acton Town tube during which I tried manfully to refrain from coughing, knowing that I was not only touching cloth but that the turtles head had been joined by half its shell.

So as it was about half one in the morning I surrendered and burst me banks against an ornamental pavement tree, no doubt planted to enhance the ambience and subtle decor of the neighbourhood.

Now the second worst thing about this is that as it was on my street I had to walk past it the next day and for the a while to come. It would scowl accusingly up at me as I tried to avert its gaze and hurry past.

I say second worst as the worst was yet to come.

 

A few days later I got kegged up at a darts match and trod in it on the way home

georgie once posted a cracker on this subject

Actually they refer to you as 'that set of cunts under the stand all the game'

 

If it's brooksy and quinny and that lot I have a pint with them at half time, therefore does that mean I'm in that elite group!!

If it's brooksy and quinny and that lot I have a pint with them at half time, therefore does that mean I'm in that elite group!!

Who the fuck are you then?

Who the fuck are you then?

 

I will say ello' Sunday!

I said ello'

I said ello'

Indeed you did, Linford!

And you wasnt too abusive, winner! but is small

Edited March 1, 200917 yr by superjohnmcginlay

After nearly pissing myself laughing at this thread I have two tales to offer.

 

Firstly I was sat in work on a Monday morning I lifted my cheek to fart and followed through with so much arse gravy I thought I was melting. Squelching to the bog I de-kecked and realised most had been caught in the bill's and these were suitably flushed away.

 

However I still needed to get home (from Little Hulton to Astley Bridge by bus) and my supervisor, realising something was wrong, refused to let me go until I explained why I needed to leave work at 09.30 am. I told him.

 

The second was when I arrived at work (different job) only to realise I had left the keys at home and my colleagues wouldn't arrive for another 1/2 hour. Feeling the need to drop my back I slipped round the back of the building. Propping myself against a retaining wall and the wall of the building I produced a giant walnut whip minus the walnut (proud). I noticed as I finished there was a cctv camera trained on the back of the building. Two weeks later I was 'made redundant'.

This thread is a load of Shit

against a retaining wall and the wall of the building I produced a giant walnut whip minus the walnut (proud). I noticed as I finished there was a cctv camera trained on the back of the building. Two weeks later I was 'made redundant'.

 

Did you find out who the stoolpigeon was?

I have to admit that many, many moons ago when living in West London I got caught short late night/early morning just a few hundred yards from my gaff. It wasn't far, but it was a bridge too; especially after a 20 minute walk from Acton Town tube during which I tried manfully to refrain from coughing, knowing that I was not only touching cloth but that the turtles head had been joined by half its shell.

So as it was about half one in the morning I surrendered and burst me banks against an ornamental pavement tree, no doubt planted to enhance the ambience and subtle decor of the neighbourhood.

Now the second worst thing about this is that as it was on my street I had to walk past it the next day and for the a while to come. It would scowl accusingly up at me as I tried to avert its gaze and hurry past.

I say second worst as the worst was yet to come.

 

A few days later I got kegged up at a darts match and trod in it on the way home

 

Satan - you bastard. I'm crying and I think I've pulled a muscle in my stomach!!

See, if I'd read this prior to the match yesterday, there's no chance I'd have acknowledged you!

Deviant!

A few days later I got kegged up at a darts match and trod in it on the way home

when you took your show off to clean it, did you have a quick sniff, to check out the aroma?

COME ON OWN UP!!!!!!!!!!!

 

The Phantom Deficator

"On at least one occasion CCTV footage shows the man being disturbed by a passenger walking through a train."

 

You've got to feel sorry for the innocent passer-by.

I think I've posted this one before but here it is again

 

A good few years ago I was on holiday in Corfu, I was leathered and was in bed in the hotel room when I decided to fart, anyhow some plop came out on the white linen sheets so I dashed to the bog to finish my poo off

 

Anyhow, being leathered, I fell asleep on the bog and was woken the following morning by my Mrs banging on the bog door, she said 'Quick let me in, I think I've had an accident' to which I replied 'I know, why do you think I'm sleeping in here you dirty bastard'

 

She still doesn't know it was me even to this day

If she's a heavy sleeper try pushing a cadbury button between the cheeks of her arse. Great mirth and merriment is to be had when she wakes up and realises what she's done!

A block of fruit and nut would be better.

My worst one is brazenly p?ssing out of the train doors at every stop between London Bridge and Charlton I think... about four stops over approx 15 minutes

 

It was f?cking murder, but even in my inebriated, desperate state I had the class not to just p?ss on the train floor

 

Turning the flow on and off between stops is not as easy as you might think either

 

I woke up the next day and just hoped nobody that knew me was stood on any of the platforms, or indeed on the train

A block of fruit and nut would be better.

 

a curly wurly i'd say