Missus reckons I spend too long on the potty.

I have my reasons, but surely ten minutes is a minimum?

If it aint a ghost poo, 5 minutes tops.

 

Ghost poos are 2 minutes just to be on the safe side

17 minutes ago, Spider said:

Missus reckons I spend too long on the potty.

I have my reasons, but surely ten minutes is a minimum?

If you eat the right food, 2 min. Not sure what your reasons are though.😊

I go in to hide from the kids. Little sods always find me though. 

20-30 mins is acceptable for me, unless the pins and needles kick in beforehand. The shat is deployed well before that, but there's few times and places on earth you'll get such solitary and peaceful moments to yourself. Catch up on a book or all the links to articles/videos you save on your phone to watch at some point in future.

Beautiful. Come back downstairs lightened, enlightened, and with DVT.

Anything over 6 inches is getting a bit daft.

Edited July 17, 20223 yr by Cheese

60 seconds tops

22 minutes ago, Cheese said:

Another over 6 inches is getting a bit daft.

Managed one that was touching the water before being crimped the other day. I was embarrassingly proud of such a feat and glad it was at work so I could tell some similarly childish folk. 

If I’m in a rush it takes forever and a day, but if I’ve got all the time in the world 2mins.   Oh, if I’ve not had a brew about 5mins, bit of a bugger if it’s not loosened up.

10-15 minutes for me 

Its my only place of sanctuary in the house.

Can do 15 minutes easy.

Im in here now.

Can’t beat a shit & some peace

20-30 mins is the norm for me 

15-25 minutes is optimum.

All the women I’ve known are in and out in under 3 minutes which I ascribe to 2 main reasons 

1) they don’t have hairy arseholes so have less of a clean up operation 

2) They need to get out of there so they can continue mithering the fuck out of some poor bloke or family members

 

I have 3 books on the go at any one time on the bathroom shelf and I need to read at least a chapter whilst my cutter gets to work.

But the one thing I can guarantee, is that one of my children will always, fucking always, need something from the bathroom The second my buttocks make contact with the seat.

9 hours ago, Marc505 said:

20-30 mins is acceptable for me, unless the pins and needles kick in beforehand. The shat is deployed well before that, but there's few times and places on earth you'll get such solitary and peaceful moments to yourself. Catch up on a book or all the links to articles/videos you save on your phone to watch at some point in future.

Beautiful. Come back downstairs lightened, enlightened, and with DVT.

Hope you do a courtesy flush, sitting atop a bowl of floating faeces is surely going to dampen the solitary and peaceful moment. 

You've got to add on a couple of minutes to get completely undressed before and dressed again afterwards 

Just now, Zico said:

You've got to add on a couple of minutes to get completely undressed before and dressed again afterwards 

I need to at least wear undies to act as a sort of ‘ledge” to rest my ding dong against to prevent it touching the bowl. Horrid feeling when that happens.

18 minutes ago, Nowack said:

Hope you do a courtesy flush, sitting atop a bowl of floating faeces is surely going to dampen the solitary and peaceful moment. 

Sometimes yes although the bed of bog roll I put in there first to prevent splashback is usually enough to mummify the beastly effluent until it's time to leave. 

Been getting into the 'squatty potty ' technique recently. Best poos I've ever had.

8 minutes ago, London Wanderer said:

Been getting into the 'squatty potty ' technique recently. Best poos I've ever had.

Your Kama Sutra is a bit more specialist than mine

The lad I work with has the weidest shitting technique in the world.

Not only does he strip completely naked leaving his pile of clothes in the hall, my hall, he does this in my house.  Also fuck knows why he doesnt just do this in the bathroom.

He then stands on the toilet seat and squats down. 

5 minutes ago, barryk32 said:

The lad I work with has the weidest shitting technique in the world.

Not only does he strip completely naked leaving his pile of clothes in the hall, my hall, he does this in my house.  Also fuck knows why he doesnt just do this in the bathroom.

He then stands on the toilet seat and squats down. 

Does your mate scream Allah o Akhbar when he’s done?

1 minute ago, Spider said:

Does your mate scream Allah o Akhbar when he’s done?

No, but he also doesn't believe in toilet brushes either as they're 'disgusting'.

 

12 minutes ago, barryk32 said:

The lad I work with has the weidest shitting technique in the world.

Not only does he strip completely naked leaving his pile of clothes in the hall, my hall, he does this in my house.  Also fuck knows why he doesnt just do this in the bathroom.

He then stands on the toilet seat and squats down. 

Eh? Seriously? That's more mental than having a sitting down wee.

7 minutes ago, barryk32 said:

No, but he also doesn't believe in toilet brushes either as they're 'disgusting'.

 

I agree to an extent 

Especially white ones

5 minutes on a weekend, 20 mins on a weekday.