Slow news day? The real deal? End of the world? 
 

They’re saying it probably came from an animal, has Somebody been shagging monkeys again? 

36 minutes ago, Rudy said:

😂😂

@miamiwhite has a cat btw 

My cat is trained to specifically claw any lefty pansies, hipsters or gingers to death 💀 😳 

My cat though, is one rather large cat, more like a Panther  😉 

@boltondiver

Good man 👍.

I was in my GP's five minutes when I had it, one other bloke in the waiting room...

Sanitised at the door, temp taken on entry, masks mandatory, screens at reception, nurse in gloves and mask (she was in oversized scrubs so couldn't even make an estimated guess).

It's an in-and-out job, I've had miles more mither/risk going for a bottle of milk or fish and chips.

29 minutes ago, Ani said:

He is always the tanned cunt though  

Less of the tanned you chubby Fred Flintstone lookalike 😃 

got a dog, used to have a cat (well the mrs did before I moved in) and there was crossover

fun to watch - the dog wanted to be mates and play, the cat just wanted him to fuck off and leave him in piece

occasionally you would hear a loud high pitched yelp as the cat was re-enforcing his message to just fuck off

occasionally the dog got his wish and the cat would chase him in circles round the garden, the dog enjoyed it but didn't realise the cat was trying to twat him

here they are:

dog - "come on, just play with me, please"

cat - "seriously mate, just fuck off and let me eat my tea in peace, you've got 5 seconds to fuck off or I'll rip your fucking eyes out"

44 minutes ago, Spider said:

<Burglar, fresh into house>
 

”oh no, a cat, it might stare at me whilst I steal their valuables and car keys”

Wankers have dogs as a status symbol....FACT......look at me I'm hard with my staff outside Bargain Booze.

Considerate people have cats 🐈 ❤ 

6 minutes ago, miamiwhite said:

My cat is trained to specifically claw any lefty pansies, hipsters or gingers to death 💀 😳 

My cat though, is one rather large cat, more like a Panther  😉 

Black panther?

36 minutes ago, Ani said:

You do wonder why they did not choose the obvious cat  

https://www.churchill.com/churchill-dog/shop

Crawley and Miami sitting in a tree........

left and right unite.

Crawley and me are Pet Visionaries......give it another 10 years when you can't walk the filthy mutt and become a piss stained old tramp....... you will get a cat for company ......ITK FACT

6 minutes ago, Youri McAnespie said:

@boltondiver

Good man 👍.

I was in my GP's five minutes when I had it, one other bloke in the waiting room...

Sanitised at the door, temp taken on entry, masks mandatory, screens at reception, nurse in gloves and mask (she was in oversized scrubs so couldn't even make an estimated guess).

It's an in-and-out job, I've had miles more mither/risk going for a bottle of milk or fish and chips.

This. Wasn't in there for 5 minutes though. Two tops.

Back home before my brew had got cold.

38 minutes ago, peelyfeet said:

Most famous cats

Top cat - basically a mafia boss: A leader

Garfield- fat cunt, steals lasagne: Makes the dog do all the work

Tom - psychotic torturer: Keeps the house free of vermin

Mr Bigglesworth - evil bastard: Powerful

 

Most famous dogs

Scooby-doo - helps unmask criminals: idiot stoner

Lassie  - saves children who've fallen down a well: Idiot who couldn't even come home

Littlest Hobo - all round good guy: Tramp idiot 

Bouncer - shits on Mrs Mangel's flowers: Australian idiot who probably eats trifle

 

 

5 minutes ago, ZicoKelly said:

here they are:

dog - "come on, just play with me, please"

cat - "seriously mate, just fuck off and let me eat my tea in peace, you've got 5 seconds to fuck off or I'll rip your fucking eyes out"

Also, I've never seen a cat eat it's own shit.

2 minutes ago, Rudy said:

Black panther?

Absolutely mate, mine is a stunner.....she turned up at my door 12 years ago.....skinny as Spider's cock, and also as unloved, unfed and lacking in attention. 

Poor little thing had no tail either, how on earth could I turn her away ?

Never been a pet lover despite having quite a few old dogs in my time, but my Panther is precious 💖  

1 minute ago, miamiwhite said:

left and right unite.

Crawley and me are Pet Visionaries......give it another 10 years when you can't walk the filthy mutt and become a piss stained old tramp....... you will get a cat for company ......ITK FACT

Are talking from experience?

My old Jack Russell would tear any cat limb from limb

Even with cataracts (no pun)

Cats belong in curries.

Just now, DirtySanchez said:

Are talking from experience?

My old Jack Russell would tear any cat limb from limb

Even with cataracts (no pun)

Nah - mine woud have your dog's nose off and be making sweet lesbian cat love to your mrs before you could say pedigree chum.

She's had harder shits than a Jack Russell

Just now, Tonge moor green jacket said:

Cats belong in curries.

Slightly left field that.

Speaking from a place of knowledge?

Actually, cats would be nasty to eat - any small carnivore's meat is too rich and not very nice.

If the zombie apolocalypse comes - eat your dog first. It'll be more palatable. Plus, it's so stupid, it'll probably hop into the pot and boil itself for you.

 

 

50 minutes ago, peelyfeet said:

Most famous cats

Top cat - basically a mafia boss

Garfield- fat cunt, steals lasagne

Tom - psychotic torturer

Mr Bigglesworth - evil bastard

 

Most famous dogs

Scooby-doo - helps unmask criminals 

Lassie  - saves children who've fallen down a well

Littlest Hobo - all round good guy 

Bouncer - shits on Mrs Mangel's flowers.

 

You forgot to mention Kujo

9 minutes ago, DirtySanchez said:

Are talking from experience?

My old Jack Russell would tear any cat limb from limb

Even with cataracts (no pun)

Bring it to my house then and let's see what happens 😏 

1 minute ago, miamiwhite said:

Bring it to my house then and let's see what happens 😏 

It would have to be the ghost of the Jack Russell

Still take any cat though

15 minutes ago, miamiwhite said:

left and right unite.

Crawley and me are Pet Visionaries......give it another 10 years when you can't walk the filthy mutt and become a piss stained old tramp....... you will get a cat for company ......ITK FACT

Good point. Suppose you and your new comrade Crawley would not be able to walk a dog you piss stained tramps so need the company  

3 minutes ago, Not in Crawley said:

Slightly left field that.

Speaking from a place of knowledge?

Actually, cats would be nasty to eat - any small carnivore's meat is too rich and not very nice.

If the zombie apolocalypse comes - eat your dog first. It'll be more palatable. Plus, it's so stupid, it'll probably hop into the pot and boil itself for you.

 

 

That's loyalty for you.

Cat's own several people, and, at one time, were regularly culled and used in Eastern cuisine in this country. 

A very useful exercise in keeping the wild bird population at less of a risk.

Also useful for threading onto sharpened sticks as a means of cleaning flues.

2 minutes ago, Ani said:

Good point. Suppose you and your new comrade Crawley would not be able to walk a dog you piss stained tramps so need the company  

Don't start on my Cat Corbyn Comrade Crawley or we will combine, bring our feline friends and meet your maligned mongo mongrel at the Pets Are Us Club Shop at 3pm and make a total dog's dinner of your filthy own shit eating little rat lookalike 😉 

Dogs are ace. The end. 

18 minutes ago, Tonge moor green jacket said:

Cats belong in curries.

Dogs too...

 

Where the hell did you find that?

Quality.