Kill Cricket

Yep. And both sets are absolute cnuts.

I think he only apologised because he was off to do a presentation in Manchester. Politics, you see...

Let's not get carried away, here. It was only Newcastle. We conceded a very sloppy goal - another lost chance for a clean sheet. That was disappointing. We wasted numerous opportunities - Muamba should have scored, Elmander and Lee both blasted wide when they should have for an easier opportunity for a teammate. I'm sure there were others. The second penalty may have been a bit soft - they sometimes don't get given. Ermm.... But it was alreet, I suppose. It'll do.

He did indeed. Cracking player, Comstive. I can still remember a great foul on Bryan Robson in the FA Cup game at the Theatre of Shite. About five minutes into the match, Comstive went straight through him. Got a yellow card, but Robson did nowt for the rest of the match. He was the Glenn Hoddle of the lower leagues. Well, a sort of slow Glenn Hoddle. Without any talent. And that miss against Tranmere at Wembley still gives me nightmares. So forget the "cracking player" part.

See, this is where Wenger's "mind games" (or PR, to put it more accurately) have won out. He whines on about Blackburn/us/whoever else being "a rugby team" and too physical, the press lap it up, and the fact that his team are a bunch of dirty, cynical cnuts, barely changed from the George Graham days, is left unsaid. And how many long balls do they score from? Oh, sorry, they're not long balls, they're, erm, long passes. Into space, for the fast-as-fcuk forward to run onto. Beautiful game, my arse.

Enjoyed it, then? Good.

I have a friend who went to the loo straight after chopping chillies. According to his missus, there was a scream of pain, and he spent an afternoon with his nob in a pot of yoghurt. Some people do that for fun, too...

So how is it, then? Have you used the entire jar to garnish a single bacon buttie? That's got to be the way forward.

Why has no one mentioned Kevin Davies? The talentless, lazy stump is a disgrace. I'd call him a fat Trevor Morgan, 'cept that would be an insult to the memory of Big Trev - a better player than Davies could ever dream of being (even at the age of fifty or whatever he is now).

They have to print it in the evening, to get it ready for the morning. Because afternoon's too late.

A mate of mine has been helping McGinlay write his autobiography (still not finished). Supa John did say that he thought Coyle would be back at the Wanderers as manager one day - and that he'd be there with him, in some capacity. Although this was before Coyle got promoted with Burnley, so things have changed. What about Co Adriaanse? Weren't we linked with him when Megson was appointed? He's out of work, too... And, even better, from his Wikipedia page: "Adriaanse is famous for his controversial training approach. At Willem II, he once ordered his whole squad to follow him by car, while they drove 13 km away from their training ground. At a remote spot, all players had to give their car keys to Adriaanse. Then he drove back to town, while the squad had to run in front of his car. Back at the training ground, the players got their car keys back. However, since their cars where still parked far from the training ground, they all had to walk back another 13 km.[2] At AZ Alkmaar he once ordered the whole squad to search for Easter eggs during a training session. They looked for an hour until Co Adriaanse finally revealed there were no eggs hidden.[3] Adriaanse already had these strange training methods at the start of his career, because when he was a youth trainer at Ajax, he sometimes ordered his players to lay on the ground. Then a teammate (with football boots on) would run over the bodies.[4] Because of all these infamous incidents, Adriaanse is sometimes nicknamed "Psycho Co"." Fantastic. Show the bunch of overpaid primadonnas who's boss. He could even get them running up Winter Hill with rucksacks full of rocks on their backs.

Oh, it certainly could. But, given that we're third bottom, only above Hull on goal difference, haven't kept a clean sheet in the league all season, and look spineless, unconfident and inept, it almost certainly won't get worse. Even with Paul Jewell.

Has anyone mentioned Trapattoni, yet? Good manager, and missed out on the World Cup - could he be tempted back to club football? Surely it'd be worthwhile for Gartside/Davies to ask him? He could only say "no".

I think it's a great pity. After all, when he took over, we were bottom of the league with 5 points from 10 games. Did you know that? Megson should have mentioned it more often - maybe folk would have appreciated him more, then.

He does that a lot though - whenever he doesn't get a win, and his selection can be criticised, start moaning about summat. That way all the attention gets deflected to his moaning, and nobody talks about his mistakes. The cnut.

Thank you. Although they're fookin big already... Are you going to start illustrating your answers with a photo-casebook? You could have an attractive young lady sat around in her underwear, with thought bubble coming out of her head, saying, "Oh, I'm so worried about my Trinidad Scorpions". Or something.

Dear Deidr^H^H^H^H Satan, I now have approximately 10 dorset naga plants, which seem to be reaching my ceiling. How high can I expect them to grow? Also whilst I have lots of flowers, I have, as yet, no fruit. Do you have any advice, please? -Worried of South London.

Teams get desperate, don't they? Particularly when relegation stares them in the face. Newcastle go down, they're buggered... But there's always been managers who specialise in "relegation escapes" - Dave Bassett, "Big" Ron etc. Generally based on one success, with everyone forgetting the failures. Never mind. Dave Bassett to replace Megson, anyone? No, didn't think so.

Shock news. Clarkson and James May wandering around a Westminster car showroom. Clarkson points at a flashy jag, and says, "That's the one I'd get". So Gordon Brown comes around the corner and tw@ts him. Y'see? Topical, innit?

Probably the kids had been reading some of the suggestions on this thread. The sleeping bloke may have complained about bad behaviour of the kids, and they'd decided to set him on fire - after all, he'd complained about them, not a jury in the land would convict them. Too many wet, pro-child types. "Oooh, my little Tarquin can't be punished. He needs to express himself". The child problem has yet to be tackled by any of the main political parties. At the very least, there needs to be a curfew - children shouldn't be allowed out after 7pm at night. What business have they got out after that time, anyway? Children are scum. People need to wake up to this.

I never knew there were so many different groups. They should probably have some sort of body representing them all - the Combined Association for Regional Supporters would do the trick. I propose a steering committee to oversee it.

children are scum they need a good hiding unfortunately you then get the bedwetting pc brigade telling you that you've infringed their 'human rights' - what about my human rights? bring back the lash - for children, anyway

Who are "they" though? None of the current PL are going to vote for their own exclusion. And not many of them are going to want to invite back potential "big" clubs - it would make it harder for them to win anything. Given that the decision would be made by the Premier League, it would then be a case of whoever's in it now, plus whoever they decide to invite. And whilst you have a point about creating new franchises from scratch, you haven't done it - merely decided that the current clubs continue. Which would kill off football for everyone else. What are you going to do when you've killed football, Gartside?

Yep, I can see that happening. But only on the proviso that they keep Hughes and let him manage the club, just giving him money. If, on the other hand, they decide to get rid of Hughes, bring in their own manager, have a summer of wholesale changes, then get p1ssed off that the new man doesn't win the league after one year, and sack him for someone else, they'll remain in a state of perpetual mediocrity. Which would be funny. But not as funny as them signing Ronaldo from the filth, and watching him score against them, to stop them winning the league. That would be even funnier...

Can't agree with that - if Chelsea are bankrupted, there'd be no one rich enough to stop the filth from buying the league title every year. At least with Abramovich's cash, there's two clubs as can afford to buy it... And on that topic, if we're kicking anyone out of football, how about Ferguson, just for general cnutishness?