Can One Of You Post About A Sexual Predicament You've Been In?

[William Bear]

Thought I'd add my own confession to this beltin thread!

 

During my student days I got to know a dirty bird from Wigan. Absolute filth and a guaranteed jump at 2am on the way home if you'd not done any better.

 

Anyway one night me and my housemate got her back to ours and started with the fun. To cut a long story short I ended up fisting her, going hell for leather until my other housemates burst in and started taking the piss.

 

My other mate stayed with her and carried on as I went out to gloat to everyone in my house about what I'd just done. Pissed as a fart I started offering the high fives until someone piped up "What the fcuk is that on your hand?" It looked like the Red Hand of bloody Ulster! Just like I'd dipped it in a pot of red paint. I spewed all over the bathroom before going back in the room and calling my mate out to give him the bad news. He was covered in the stuff.

 

We made our excuses, chucked her a fiver, and phoned her a taxi.

 

 

wigan bird

[Theboybell]

wigan bird

 

not very nice the misses is a wigwambammer!!!

[Guest Firthy]

Thought I'd add my own confession to this beltin thread!

 

During my student days I got to know a dirty bird from Wigan. Absolute filth and a guaranteed jump at 2am on the way home if you'd not done any better.

 

Anyway one night me and my housemate got her back to ours and started with the fun. To cut a long story short I ended up fisting her, going hell for leather until my other housemates burst in and started taking the piss.

 

My other mate stayed with her and carried on as I went out to gloat to everyone in my house about what I'd just done. Pissed as a fart I started offering the high fives until someone piped up "What the fcuk is that on your hand?" It looked like the Red Hand of bloody Ulster! Just like I'd dipped it in a pot of red paint. I spewed all over the bathroom before going back in the room and calling my mate out to give him the bad news. He was covered in the stuff.

 

We made our excuses, chucked her a fiver, and phoned her a taxi.

 

 

That's more like it!

[stevieb]

chucker her a fiver! ::

 

She'd have been given directions to the g.u.m clinic at ours!

[rochdale white]

wigan bird

 

I know, terrible. I went back to hers once and she had a picture by her bed of her with Nathan Ellington and Jason Roberts, needless to say, it was immediately put face down before I got down to business.

[William Bear]

I know, terrible. I went back to hers once and she had a picture by her bed of her with Nathan Ellington and Jason Roberts, needless to say, it was immediately put face down before I got down to business.

 

you should've used the family sized hairspray on it

[SatanGreavsie]

Could we branch into a new subtopic: the most offputting thing uttered by someone during the act?

My starter for 10:

"my husband tried to kill himself yesterday"

[Bigtoe]

My friends call me Keith

[Smiffs]

Who's the photo of?

 

Oh, thats my boyfriend.

 

Where is he?

 

He's in prison for arson.

 

<DOOR SLAM>

[globaldiver]

 

That's more like it!

Now that you know the boundaries, I'll do anything except..........

 

Has she asked what your favourite animal is yet?

[William Bear]

'hurry up he's due home from work'

 

'where's he work'

 

'astley bridge police station'

 

*fits of laughter*

 

{door slam}

[frank_spencer]

can rule out this chap then

 

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=595...=firth%2Cbolton

 

Mark Firth has a beard!

[Smiffs]

Has the look of a deviant too.

[no balls]

Happen it's just me, bu I'd be wary of folk with an open profile that anyone can fully view.

[SatanGreavsie]

Left a bit, left a bit... Someone phone Mohammed Al Fayed.

[Bea Smith]

Raspberry sauce? Thats nowt my love. I once has shenanigans with a bloke who liked putting his cock into a bowl of really hot pasta/sauce/spag bol type dishes and 'f*cking' it. Then 'finish' himself off into the food.

Not your usual, oh just put a bit of that on my c*ck and suck it off. He actually liked having his cocked burnt, and really enjoyed having a ham shank with all the lumpy bits stuck to it.

Same fella once confessed a fetish he had- wanted to screw a frozen chicken. Used to get rather excited about it.

I could go on.

[no balls]

Raspberry sauce? Thats nowt my love. I once has shenanigans with a bloke who liked putting his cock into a bowl of really hot pasta/sauce/spag bol type dishes and 'f*cking' it. Then 'finish' himself off into the food.

Not your usual, oh just put a bit of that on my c*ck and suck it off. He actually liked having his cocked burnt, and really enjoyed having a ham shank with all the lumpy bits stuck to it.

Same fella once confessed a fetish he had- wanted to screw a frozen chicken. Used to get rather excited about it.

I could go on.

These lot have been knocking me sick with some of their tales so I was expecting better from you. You're just as bad a deviant as the rest, aren't you?

[Bea Smith]

These lot have been knocking me sick with some of their tales so I was expecting better from you. You're just as bad a deviant as the rest, aren't you?

 

In a word....yes.

[Bea Smith]

Oh ive remembered another blokes little fetish. He liked having a tampon inserted into his bum, then would sit in the bath- the tampon would swell up with the water and he would jack off in the bath. A very very posh version of the soapy w*nk. Thinking about it- ive never had a 'normal' partner. And dont really think id want one! Otherwise id be useless on these types of threads!

[M G WHITES]

Oh ive remembered another blokes little fetish. He liked having a tampon inserted into his bum, then would sit in the bath- the tampon would swell up with the water and he would jack off in the bath. A very very posh version of the soapy w*nk. Thinking about it- ive never had a 'normal' partner. And dont really think id want one! Otherwise id be useless on these types of threads!

 

That reminds me,i must go and have a bath

[Bea Smith]

Could we branch into a new subtopic: the most offputting thing uttered by someone during the act?

My starter for 10:

"my husband tried to kill himself yesterday"

 

 

Once said to me mid hump......'my mum thinks you're really pretty'

 

Put me right off i can tell you. He didnt last!

[Burndens Bogs]

Oh ive remembered another blokes little fetish. He liked having a tampon inserted into his bum, then would sit in the bath- the tampon would swell up with the water and he would jack off in the bath. A very very posh version of the soapy w*nk. Thinking about it- ive never had a 'normal' partner. And dont really think id want one! Otherwise id be useless on these types of threads!

 

Has Filthy logged into Missus C's account?

[Widnes Two Hats]

I can see the retorts already, but anyway:

 

once knew a girl who could only orgasm when being given one up the arse and sorting out the other end manually

 

nothing else did it it for her, absolutely nothing, and f?ck me I tried because after the 4th or 5th encounter it was starting to bother me

 

one reason was it had always been taboo with most girls and therefore a bit of a treat on birthdays etc and I wanted to keep it that way

 

the other being she had a bit of a hairy arse...

 

she was from stockport and my friends and I christened her "Choccy"

 

my experience tells me girls from Stockport are the dirtiest of the dirty

 

Zico

 

should start going out in Stockport more

 

I thought we'd met the same girl until you said she was from Stockport so there's more than one of them out there

[Spider]

I thought we'd met the same girl until you said she was from Stockport so there's more than one of them out there

 

Finally

 

A 12 page thread about deviance just doesn't seem complete without something from Widnes

 

My hopes are high

[THunter]

I went to a party once where the hostess had overdosed on Carling Special Brew and was offering her services to all and sundry. There was a queue into the bedroom. One lad didn't get his leg over because no one liked him and every time he tried to climb onto the bed they threw him off.

 

Eventually, everyone got bored and went downstairs, leaving Billy No Mates alone with the girl. A couple of minutes later, her Dad returned home, burst into the bedroom and beat the crap out him, for 'corrupting his daughter.'