What we having?

Sister in law (modest handful) and her fella split, in-laws in France, so it's just the five of us at home. If I'm honest, I can't really be arsed; it's an early Sunday dinner, and will have all the fannying around without the extra gifts and booze.

 

Anyway, kids want turkey. They didn't have mash last year, and tbf I didn't miss it; however they insist. The wife usually asks for gammon, and that's my usual contribution to a family meal. I'm looking forward to making gravy, semifredo etc in advance. Go forth good folk of WWays; inspire me with your festive fayre 

Just given the farmer up the road 24 quid for an oven ready cockerel to collect on Christmas Eve and then heard on the news there is a bird flu epidemic doing the rounds!

5 minutes ago, Dimron said:

Just given the farmer up the road 24 quid for an oven ready cockerel to collect on Christmas Eve and then heard on the news there is a bird flu epidemic doing the rounds!

It improves the flavour.

30 minutes ago, Spider said:

It improves the flavour.

Serves me right, don't get Pea Flu

On 08/12/2021 at 22:14, Spider said:

There has to be a strict hierarchy of alcohol on Christmas Day, for me anyway.

10.30am, or thereabouts, I will open a cupboard temperature ale. Timothy Taylor Landlord or Wainwright’s, something along those lines. After the bacon barms have settled.

”A pair of Directors bitters” basically.

11.30 - open your red wine and decant for later, this is essential with a Frogs Leap or De Loach level bottle. Powerful stuff but needs to breathe and soothe the tannins.

Then at noon, I’ll have a couple of glasses of champagne (it’s Jesus’s birthday for fucks sake, I have respect for the main man).

From 1-2 onwards, it’s a selection of crafty lagers and zippy, zesty IPA’s.

3-4pm, I’ll get stuck into a mushy pea-free Christmas dinner. This will be accompanied with the decanted red, and another couple of ruby ales.

6pm , wobbling a bit now but ready to pile into the port.  Washed down with some cheeses and a palate cleansing Lost Lager or 3.

8pm. It’s all hazy. Like the rivvy cloudy numbers I’m on with.

9pm. A couple of generously proportioned Old Fashioned using the Woodford bourbon I will have been bought and given a flourish with my cocktail smoking machine.

11pm. Pretend I’ll make it to the first delivery of the test match at midnight. I won’t because I’m about to hurl a gutful of rainbow like sick into the sink, then collapse on the lounge floor.

 

These instructions must be followed to the letter. Baby Jesus says so

Where do the gout tablets for into this agenda, sounds like you'll need them

Sounds great

1 minute ago, L/H White said:

Where do the gout tablets for into this agenda, sounds like you'll need them

Sounds great

It’s an old wives tale that booze & rich food triggers a gout attack, i knew a nurse that didn’t drink or eat rich food, but still suffered from grim gout bouts (see what i did there?).

I suffer from regular gout attacks, but i love rich food & a good booze like

1 minute ago, Burndens Bogs said:

It’s an old wives tale that booze & rich food triggers a gout attack, i knew a nurse that didn’t drink or eat rich food, but still suffered from grim gout bouts (see what i did there?).

I suffer from regular gout attacks, but i love rich food & a good booze like

It’s from Utica acid. Alcohol intake , sugar, high purine foods. 
Some medication can cause it as well. 
 

Definitely not a wives tale.

 

6 minutes ago, Rudy said:

It’s from Utica acid. Alcohol intake , sugar, high purine foods. 
Some medication can cause it as well. 
 

Definitely not a wives tale.

 

It’s Uric acid, but i’m sure that’s what you meant.

Yes sure certain food & drinks can increase Uric acid levels, but not all gout sufferers have a diet like Henry the 8th.

5 minutes ago, Burndens Bogs said:

It’s Uric acid, but i’m sure that’s what you meant.

Yes sure certain food & drinks can increase Uric acid levels, but not all gout sufferers have a diet like Henry the 8th.

I’d say a high percentage is down to your diet. Medication, usually beta blockers or being overweight 

14 hours ago, Dimron said:

Just given the farmer up the road 24 quid for an oven ready cockerel to collect on Christmas Eve and then heard on the news there is a bird flu epidemic doing the rounds!

24 quid?

For a bastard chicken?

Mug.

 

3 minutes ago, Tonge moor green jacket said:

24 quid?

For a bastard chicken?

Mug.

 

Cock actually 

2 minutes ago, bolton_blondie said:

Cock actually 

Haha.

Sounds like a porn version of a well known rom com.

18 minutes ago, Tonge moor green jacket said:

24 quid?

For a bastard chicken?

Mug.

 

 

14 minutes ago, bolton_blondie said:

Cock actually 

Mug, maybe, but cock was a bit harsh.

It's a big 'un, at least 3 kg but the flavour is so much better because its been scratching around in a farm yard rather force grown in a shed under floodlights. Also its had a good life so I feel less guilty. Paid sixty quid for a goose last year, that was really nice but too much for just us two. The farmer herds the geese through the village every day to pasture...

22 minutes ago, Dimron said:

It's a big 'un, at least 3 kg but the flavour is so much better because its been scratching around in a farm yard rather force grown in a shed under floodlights. Also its had a good life so I feel less guilty. Paid sixty quid for a goose last year, that was really nice but too much for just us two. The farmer herds the geese through the village every day to pasture...

Kilograms.

The Brexit funda-Mentalists will have you swinging from the tower.

Lbs & ozs please sir. 

Us brexit folk have the ability to work in both.

I was once told by a butcher to avoid chickens that are particularly big as the flavour isn't as good.

1 hour ago, Tonge moor green jacket said:

I was once told by a butcher to avoid chickens that are particularly big as the flavour isn't as good.

I'd agree with broilers, true free range still has a gamey consistency, going to stuff it with Dimron's own prune, garlic & walnut mix. I'll let you know how I get on 🙂

Pheasant for Sunday lunch this week, first of the year for me

My turkey is free range as far as I'm aware.

Always bastard huge, and loads left. Dogs end up with plenty. 

Wouldn't buy one so big, and probably wouldn't have had one at all this year, but I won't turn down a free one.

Has the Royle family Christmas dinner vid been posted? 

8 hours ago, bolton_blondie said:

Cock actually 

Cock out? Ffs it's Christmas soon - if Noddy Holder and Dave don't get their cocks out on ToTp on Christmas Day I will write a strongly worded letter to the BBC.

1 hour ago, Tonge moor green jacket said:

wouldn't have had one at all this year, but I won't turn down a free one.

Brings back memories... I used to work for a builder in my early days who owned a turkey farm and everyone got a turkey for Christmas... the reception was stacked high with bloody carcasses waiting for us site men to collect.

My mate was tasked with erecting a bloody big tree on the grass outside, he tried to use the stores fork lift and broke the fkkr in half... we ended up with a miniature 8ft tree in the end and lots of firewood... happy days 

The farm I lived on briefly, raised turkeys for Christmas. 

Once they got bigger, they got bolder. As soon as you came out of the door, they all came charging up, wanting to be fed.

They'd give Rudy's mini horses a run for their money. 

21 minutes ago, Tonge moor green jacket said:

The farm I lived on briefly, raised turkeys for Christmas. 

Once they got bigger, they got bolder. As soon as you came out of the door, they all came charging up, wanting to be fed.

They'd give Rudy's mini horses a run for their money. 

You definitely don't want to get in the way of Mr  Botteril's geese I posted earlier

Some famous DJ on last night at Retreat.

9 minutes ago, boltondiver said:

Some famous DJ on last night at Retreat.

Did he play the records at the right speed? Proper talented musicians.

33 minutes ago, Spider said:

Did he play the records at the right speed? Proper talented musicians.

Probably.

I unwittingly recommended the Asian Pork Ribs to my fellow partygoers, forgetting their faith.