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Wanderers Ways. Neil Thompson 1961-2021

The Stone Roses - Heaton Park


Pablo

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word coming through is its dog shit.

 

Take copious ammounts of drugs to numb the pain.

 

A summary from an acquaintance who went...

 

8:45pm Bobby Gillespie staggers onstage looking shambolic, he pulls out a crumpled Morrisons carrier bag and empties a tin of Evo-Stick into it - inhales deeply from it, before mumbling something about the 'war in Iraq' and falling flat on his face.

 

9:00pm The intro tape of 'I wanna be adored' kicks in...the crowd go wild - Reni hatted lads from Barnsley start bobbing up and down in anticipation. The excitement is curtailed when the tape is abruptly cut, and a parka clad ian Brown gets down on one knee and declares his love for John Squire - before producing a cheap ring from H Samuel and proposing, a tearful John accepts and they embrace.

 

9:01pm A enraged Reni boots his drumkit everywhere, Keith Moon style, and shouts "I always knew you two were f*cking poofs", before storming off stage - pausing only to aim a sly kick at Bobby Gillespie (who's still comatose at the side of the stage).

 

9:03pm Mani calmly lays down his bass, sits on a guitar monitor and begins skinning up - watching events unfold with a bemused/revulsed look on his face.

 

9:04pm The audience show the first signs of their displeasure as a solitary piss bottle lands onstage.

 

9:10pm Mani lights up his giant spliff and produces a litre bottle of Gin from the waistband of his jeans. He begins drinking heavily from this.

 

9:12pm John Squire announces "Anyone expecting any Stone Roses' sh*t should piss off now", Ian Brown chimes in with "Anyone on cocaine can fuck off an all..."

 

9:14pm A roadie takes to a mic to announce that this evening will be given over to the debut performance of the musical Ian Brown and John Squire have been secretly writing for the past 15 years. This is entitled "Menage a Deux: An Erotic Journey in the Tetons" - a four part piece based on the film 'Brokeback Mountain".

 

9:30pm The crowd begin to leave in droves whilst booing and fighting among themselves, the piss bottles are now raining onto the stage - Bobby Gillespie, in his glue induced stupor, mistakes one of them for a bottle of Jack and swigs from it before being violently sick all over his leather jacket and in his 'inappropriate for a man of 50' long hair.

 

10:05pm The remaining crowd members begin a full scale riot when, during Act II of "Menage a Deux: An Erotic Journey in the Tetons", John Squire appears to perform a simulated sex act on Ian Brown.

 

10:20pm As the GMP struggle to contain the full scale mayhem in the crowd (looting, burning of trees, V-flickings and pissing in the duck pond), an increasingly irate Mani can take no more - using the now empty Gin bottle as a makeshift cosh he launches into a violent attack on his former bandmates - the curtain falls to prevent this act enticing the crowd into further violence.

 

 

10:30pm Chief Constable John Stalker takes to the stage and, using a loudhailer, pleads with the crowd to go home - he says the alledged 'comedian' Mark Thomas is one of the guests on 'The Late Review' tonight, they're discussing the work of Norwegian artist Edvard Munch, and if they (the crowd) hurry up home they might catch the end of it. The crowd comply and within 10 minutes Heaton Park is deserted, save for Bobby Gillespie staggering around asking the few remaining stragglers if they can ring him a "Taxi for Paisley, Scotland for straight away" on their mobiles (he claims he has no credit on his).

 

I think my mate must have had some of that tomato plant food or something...

Edited by Youri McAnespie
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Bars now being looted, folk battling outside trying to get into Heaton Park. Sounds lovely.

 

Shut the bars due to some skancs robbing one of them.

 

Spider - I will do a dos and donts tomorrow. You can leave yer Welles at home

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Shut the bars due to some skancs robbing one of them.

 

Spider - I will do a dos and donts tomorrow. You can leave yer Welles at home

 

Cheers Smiley

 

My day kicks off at 12pm in the Varsity.

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