Cooking hacks

[Spider]

Yesterday, My missus made cheese on toast but did it thus:

* toasted bread in toaster

* buttered toast, added grated cheese

* put it in microwave for 45 seconds

i was on the phone to a divorce solicitor immediately upon seeing this fucking sacrilege. But she made me try it once I’d calmed down and I must begrudgingly accept it’s a very quick and effective technique that makes decent cheese on toast. Obviously once the Worcestershire sauce and paprika is added.

 

 

[Bertie]

Sounds good.  Try cheese on toast in the air fryer as well.  It’s the future 👍

[Spider]

Nowt worse than soggy toast, so i assumed the microwave would ruin it, but it was decent.

i don’t wish to sound like a member of the royal family or anything but I own 2 air fryers. I’m not arrogant, I’m just better.

[Sweep]

16 minutes ago, Spider said:

Yesterday, My missus made cheese on toast but did it thus:

* toasted bread in toaster

* buttered toast, added grated cheese

* put it in microwave for 45 seconds

i was on the phone to a divorce solicitor immediately upon seeing this fucking sacrilege. But she made me try it once I’d calmed down and I must begrudgingly accept it’s a very quick and effective technique that makes decent cheese on toast. Obviously once the Worcestershire sauce and paprika is added.

 

 

I think this is what @tomskidoes... 

[gonzo]

Best tip I ever got in my scumbag skint days was when you have a rustlers burger, don't microwave the bun, toast it instead. 

Game changer. Went well with a bag of space raiders.

[tomski]

55 minutes ago, Sweep said:

I think this is what @tomskidoes... 

My people do it for me. I don’t get involved in such nonsense 

[kent_white]

Start with two slices of Japanese milk bread aged in a Himalayan salt cave. Spread liberally with cultured butter from albino cows raised exclusively on champagne-irrigated Alpine meadows. Layer with 36-month cave-aged Comté Reserve that's been serenaded daily by classical musicians and shavings of white Alba truffle harvested under a full moon. Finish with a sprinkle of edible gold leaf flakes and a mist of Krug Grande Cuvée atomized through a hand-blown crystal spritzer. Place between two heated marble slabs imported from Carrara quarries, then microwave for 45 seconds. Garnish with saffron threads hand-picked by virgin maidens at dawn and serve on a hand-painted porcelain plate that's been blessed by Tibetan monks. 

[Spider]

5 minutes ago, kent_white said:

Start with two slices of Japanese milk bread aged in a Himalayan salt cave. Spread liberally with cultured butter from albino cows raised exclusively on champagne-irrigated Alpine meadows. Layer with 36-month cave-aged Comté Reserve that's been serenaded daily by classical musicians and shavings of white Alba truffle harvested under a full moon. Finish with a sprinkle of edible gold leaf flakes and a mist of Krug Grande Cuvée atomized through a hand-blown crystal spritzer. Place between two heated marble slabs imported from Carrara quarries, then microwave for 45 seconds. Garnish with saffron threads hand-picked by virgin maidens at dawn and serve on a hand-painted porcelain plate that's been blessed by Tibetan monks. 

Stupid cunt

Everyone knows you only harvest white Alba truffles under a NEW moon not a full moon.

Your cheese on toast must be shite

[BobyBrno]

My perfect omelette. 2 eggs, a little milk, salt and black pepper. A little butter in the pan then medium heat until it starts to bubble. Then mix it like scrambled egg until it’s about 80% cooked. Then flatten it and leave it on the heat for a couple of minutes then two minutes off the heat. Turn it over like a pastie and it will be slightly brown on the outside a slightly soft in the middle. Perfect!

Times may vary depending on pan and cooker. 

[gonzo]

40 minutes ago, Spider said:

Stupid cunt

Everyone knows you only harvest white Alba truffles under a NEW moon not a full moon.

Your cheese on toast must be shite

I only use these kind of truffles.

Went down well watching Liverpool v PSG on Tuesday when I was convinced it was someone in the bar playing FIFA

[Sweep]

1 hour ago, kent_white said:

Start with two slices of Japanese milk bread aged in a Himalayan salt cave. Spread liberally with cultured butter from albino cows raised exclusively on champagne-irrigated Alpine meadows. Layer with 36-month cave-aged Comté Reserve that's been serenaded daily by classical musicians and shavings of white Alba truffle harvested under a full moon. Finish with a sprinkle of edible gold leaf flakes and a mist of Krug Grande Cuvée atomized through a hand-blown crystal spritzer. Place between two heated marble slabs imported from Carrara quarries, then microwave for 45 seconds. Garnish with saffron threads hand-picked by virgin maidens at dawn and serve on a hand-painted porcelain plate that's been blessed by Tibetan monks. 

Knackers, I've only got the standard black Perigord truffles in the pantry. I'll have to wait until next week before I make this culinary delight

[Sweep]

To add insult to injury, I now find out from the help that our day crockery was painted, glazed, and blessed by Cistercian Monks as well. So they're going to have to be replaced. 

Today is a bad day

[Tonge moor green jacket]

18 minutes ago, Sweep said:

To add insult to injury, I now find out from the help that our day crockery was painted, glazed, and blessed by Cistercian Monks as well. So they're going to have to be replaced. 

Today is a bad day

Oh, I dunno.

Cistercians have a penchant for brewing decent ale, which seems far more acceptable with cheese on toast, than smell-attracted fly that was once somebody's grandad.

[Big E]

5 hours ago, Spider said:

Yesterday, My missus made cheese on toast but did it thus:

* toasted bread in toaster

* buttered toast, added grated cheese

* put it in microwave for 45 seconds

i was on the phone to a divorce solicitor immediately upon seeing this fucking sacrilege. But she made me try it once I’d calmed down and I must begrudgingly accept it’s a very quick and effective technique that makes decent cheese on toast. Obviously once the Worcestershire sauce and paprika is added.

 

 

Mrs e does this sometimes but microwaves the cheese separate as toast in the microwave goes soft

[Ani]

A lad I know used to make cheese on toast by putting his toast on its side and putting the bread in cheese up.  It does not work if you have one of them toasters that grips the toast. 
 

I tried it and loads of crumbs felt out of the toaster. 

[Cheese]

19 minutes ago, Ani said:

A lad I know used to make cheese on toast by putting his toast on its side and putting the bread in cheese up.  It does not work if you have one of them toasters that grips the toast. 
 

I tried it and loads of crumbs felt out of the toaster. 

It's amazing how many people aren't aware that the bottom of their toaster slides out so they can easily remove crumbs. I reckon it's probably 3 out of every 5 toaster owners.

[L/H White]

37 minutes ago, Cheese said:

It's amazing how many people aren't aware that the bottom of their toaster slides out so they can easily remove crumbs. I reckon it's probably 3 out of every 5 toaster owners.

The real men just tip it upside down over the sink

[Cheese]

7 minutes ago, L/H White said:

The real men just tip it upside down over the sink

I did that for years until some clever cunt told me about the crumb tray. Now I act like I'm the clever cunt when someone doesn't know about it.

[tomski]

People that say cooking hacks also say.

Rent free in his head

Blue sky thinking

but don’t say jordy 

 

[ZiggyStardust]

21 minutes ago, Cheese said:

I did that for years until some clever cunt told me about the crumb tray. Now I act like I'm the clever cunt when someone doesn't know about it.

Quick straw poll in the household shows 67% unaware of this.

SWMBO of course was the 33%.

 

[Cheese]

3 minutes ago, ZiggyStardust said:

Quick straw poll in the household shows 67% unaware of this.

SWMBO of course was the 33%.

I was originally going to say 7 out of 10 don't know, but I changed my mind and went with a slightly more conservative number. Should have stuck with my gut feeling.

[Spider]

26 minutes ago, tomski said:

People that say cooking hacks also say.

Rent free in his head

Blue sky thinking

but don’t say jordy 

 

Hilarious

but let’s stick a pin in this one and concentrate on the subject matter, shall we chief?

[gonzo]

Is it true/common knowledge that the numbers on a toaster dial equate to minutes toasted?

 

[Cheese]

8 minutes ago, gonzo said:

Is it true/common knowledge that the numbers on a toaster dial equate to minutes toasted?

Not at all. Basically, every toaster is different and you just have to work it out yourself.

[Big E]

15 minutes ago, Cheese said:

Not at all. Basically, every toaster is different and you just have to work it out yourself.

Be done by many a toaster over the years. Only recently give up and started loitering with intent ready to pop it