Slow news day? The real deal? End of the world? 
 

They’re saying it probably came from an animal, has Somebody been shagging monkeys again? 

2 hours ago, bolty58 said:

Oi ginge. Fuckin' behave.

Youngest dead was 36 I was told. Might not happen too often, but I reckon that puts most of this board at risk.

My mam, 81 in two weeks. Suffers from, well pretty much everything, especially COPD. I think I'm gonna open florist right outside that care home

12 minutes ago, Dr Faustus said:

My mam, 81 in two weeks. Suffers from, well pretty much everything, especially COPD. I think I'm gonna open florist right outside that care home

Which one is she at if you don’t mind me asking? Need to sort mummy spider out with somewhere for her last few weeks.

1 hour ago, Spider said:

Which one is she at if you don’t mind me asking? Need to sort mummy spider out with somewhere for her last few weeks.

Walkden Manor mate. I definitely wouldn't recommend it... On so many levels

45 minutes ago, Dr Faustus said:

Walkden Manor mate. I definitely wouldn't recommend it... On so many levels

Oh dear. Sorry to hear that. Can you get her moved?

2 hours ago, Spider said:

Which one is she at if you don’t mind me asking? Need to sort mummy spider out with somewhere for her last few weeks.

I don't know her needs/whether they'll take her etc, but my Mum's quite happy, safe, warm and well fed in The Clough on CNR

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/amp/world-asia-china-51784167
 

some folk have no luck

2 hours ago, boltondiver said:

I don't know her needs/whether they'll take her etc, but my Mum's quite happy, safe, warm and well fed in The Clough on CNR

My gran and her husband were both in there. Seemed decent, even when he went AWOL. Fallen back on his previous career and got on buses. Coopers found him at bus station in Oldham!

Edited March 7, 20206 yr by Tonge moor green jacket

3 hours ago, Spider said:

Oh dear. Sorry to hear that. Can you get her moved?

Out of my hands unfortunately; it's a long story for another time

Kin’ell Bolty have a word

12 minutes ago, Rudy’s Message said:

Kin’ell Bolty have a word

That’s Woolworths in Sydney, quite a way from where Bolty lives. I’ve been in there many times. Next to and connected to the train station. It’ll happen here soon. 
They give out free Metro newspapers on the bus. Cut into squares, it does the same job. 

What the fuck is it about bog roll? If you are quarantined and short then at a push there are plenty of things you can use as an alternative.

Some folk are utter nobbers.

4 minutes ago, Winchester White said:

What the fuck is it about bog roll? If you are quarantined and short then at a push there are plenty of things you can use as an alternative.

Some folk are utter nobbers.

Our muslim friends can give a demo of how to use just our hands 

Not sure why people buying a bit extra now are getting stick 

Within the last week the government has come out and said that a huge number of people in the country could well be off work sick, the majority of which will fall in a short window, likely to be late spring. 

This will have an impact on the ability to supply every day essentials in the normal way. If you can afford it then it’s worth getting a bit more each week now than every fucker trying to buy more when a crisis or at its peak and supply is struggling for to staff absence 

In home bargains at bmet today, talking to cashier and they've sold out of arsewipe 3 times in as many days.

In muzzie bargains at daubhill today, talking to pillarbox and they've sold out of chintzy plastic teapots and water 3 times in as many days.

Toilet rolls are prime for selling out quick 

Probably the biggest item in store so they can get a lot less volume onto the fixture 

All a bit self fulfilling. Hancock says supermarkets have enough. They say we might not if folk panic buy.

End result? 

Folk panic buy.

Nobbers, unless of course the supermarkets see an opportunity to sell loads quickly. They wouldn't be so cynical though would they...

10million people been put on lockdown in Lombardy, Italy.

That’s massive.

5 minutes ago, Spider said:

10million people been put on lockdown in Lombardy, Italy.

That’s massive.

When they switching sides?

If you run out of bog roll then just jump in the shower after a shit and give your arse a good rinse

6 hours ago, Rudy’s Message said:

Kin’ell Bolty have a word

Honestly mate, they are numb as piss stones. Can't find a bag of pasta in the supermarkets here at present. Media hyped over reaction by lemming mentality morons.

Wonder if folk will ever bother using their brain again instead of swallowing all of the 'crisis' hysteria whipped up by the media and social media. I doubt it.

6 hours ago, birch-chorley said:

Not sure why people buying a bit extra now are getting stick 

 

Really? FFS.

6 hours ago, royal white said:

Our muslim friends can give a demo of how to use just our hands 

We should be doing that anyway, toilet roll is a huge waste of money and resources

1 hour ago, ZicoKelly said:

Even if I've not run out of bog roll I just jump in the shower after a shit and give my arse a good rinse...

#lookafterthepennies&the £'slookafterthersen

EFA.

I have one of those fandandangled shower tap things so I remove the shower head and squatting aim the hose for a 'bidet' experience, I dry my ring on the face towel - making a mentality notes not to personally use it ever again.