March 8, 201511 yr All time favourites. For me its. Knock knock Who's there Adunup Adunup who Quality for all ages
March 8, 201511 yr I bought a dog from a blacksmith the other day. Soon as I got it home,it made a bolt for the door.
March 8, 201511 yr What's pink and fluffy? Pink fluff what's Blue and Fluffy (Wait for blue fluff reply) nope pink fluff holding its breath
March 8, 201511 yr The 'Did you hear about the man who drowned in a bowl of muesli' one. Genius! Edited March 8, 201511 yr by kent_white
March 8, 201511 yr A man received the following text from his neighbour: I am so sorry Bob. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I have been tapping your wife, day and night when you're not around. In fact, more than you. I'm not getting any at home, but that's no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won't happen again. The man, anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife and killed her. A few moments later, a second text came in: . . . . . . . . Damn autocorrect. I meant "Wi-Fi", not "wife".
March 8, 201511 yr Why did the baker have brown hands? Because he needed a poo. It's better spoken than written, honest.
March 8, 201511 yr A white horse walks into a bar Barman says 'Hey this Pub is named after you' Horse says 'What? Derek?'
March 8, 201511 yr Although I did hear one about a wide mouth frog, but its a visual joke. Funny as fuck when told well
March 8, 201511 yr Very Un pc but I've loved this joke since I was a kid. An Italian, a Scotsman, and a Chinese fellow were hired at a construction site. The foreman pointed out a huge pile of sand and told the Italian guy, "You're in charge of sweeping." To the Scotsman he said, "You're in charge of shoveling." And to the Chinese guy, "You're in charge of supplies." He then said, "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that there pile." The foreman went away for a of couple hours, and, when he returned, the pile of sand was untouched. He asked the Italian, "Why didn't you sweep any of it?" The Italian replied, "I no hava no broom. You said to the Chinese fella that he a wasa in a charge of supplies, but he hasa disappeared and I no coulda finda him nowhere." Then the foreman turned to the Scotsman and said, "And you, I thought I told you to shovel this pile." The Scotsman replied, "Aye, ye did lad, boot ah couldnay get meself a shoovel! Ye left th' Chinese gadgie in chairge of supplies, boot ah couldnay fin' him either." The foreman was really angry by now and stormed off toward the pile of sand to look for the Chinese guy. Just then, the Chinese guy jumped out from behind the pile of sand and yelled... "SUPPLIES!!"
March 8, 201511 yr Very Un pc but I've loved this joke since I was a kid. An Italian, a Scotsman, and a Chinese fellow were hired at a construction site. The foreman pointed out a huge pile of sand and told the Italian guy, "You're in charge of sweeping." To the Scotsman he said, "You're in charge of shoveling." And to the Chinese guy, "You're in charge of supplies." He then said, "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that there pile." The foreman went away for a of couple hours, and, when he returned, the pile of sand was untouched. He asked the Italian, "Why didn't you sweep any of it?" The Italian replied, "I no hava no broom. You said to the Chinese fella that he a wasa in a charge of supplies, but he hasa disappeared and I no coulda finda him nowhere." Then the foreman turned to the Scotsman and said, "And you, I thought I told you to shovel this pile." The Scotsman replied, "Aye, ye did lad, boot ah couldnay get meself a shoovel! Ye left th' Chinese gadgie in chairge of supplies, boot ah couldnay fin' him either." The foreman was really angry by now and stormed off toward the pile of sand to look for the Chinese guy. Just then, the Chinese guy jumped out from behind the pile of sand and yelled... "SUPPLIES!!" Dave Whelan loves this
March 8, 201511 yr Very Un pc but I've loved this joke since I was a kid. An Italian, a Scotsman, and a Chinese fellow were hired at a construction site. The foreman pointed out a huge pile of sand and told the Italian guy, "You're in charge of sweeping." To the Scotsman he said, "You're in charge of shoveling." And to the Chinese guy, "You're in charge of supplies." He then said, "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that there pile." The foreman went away for a of couple hours, and, when he returned, the pile of sand was untouched. He asked the Italian, "Why didn't you sweep any of it?" The Italian replied, "I no hava no broom. You said to the Chinese fella that he a wasa in a charge of supplies, but he hasa disappeared and I no coulda finda him nowhere." Then the foreman turned to the Scotsman and said, "And you, I thought I told you to shovel this pile." The Scotsman replied, "Aye, ye did lad, boot ah couldnay get meself a shoovel! Ye left th' Chinese gadgie in chairge of supplies, boot ah couldnay fin' him either." The foreman was really angry by now and stormed off toward the pile of sand to look for the Chinese guy. Just then, the Chinese guy jumped out from behind the pile of sand and yelled... "SUPPLIES!!" I love that
March 8, 201511 yr Simple one but always makes me chuckle... Why are Pirates called Pirates.... because they aaaaaaaarr!
March 8, 201511 yr Very Un pc but I've loved this joke since I was a kid. An Italian, a Scotsman, and a Chinese fellow were hired at a construction site. The foreman pointed out a huge pile of sand and told the Italian guy, "You're in charge of sweeping." To the Scotsman he said, "You're in charge of shoveling." And to the Chinese guy, "You're in charge of supplies." He then said, "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that there pile." The foreman went away for a of couple hours, and, when he returned, the pile of sand was untouched. He asked the Italian, "Why didn't you sweep any of it?" The Italian replied, "I no hava no broom. You said to the Chinese fella that he a wasa in a charge of supplies, but he hasa disappeared and I no coulda finda him nowhere." Then the foreman turned to the Scotsman and said, "And you, I thought I told you to shovel this pile." The Scotsman replied, "Aye, ye did lad, boot ah couldnay get meself a shoovel! Ye left th' Chinese gadgie in chairge of supplies, boot ah couldnay fin' him either." The foreman was really angry by now and stormed off toward the pile of sand to look for the Chinese guy. Just then, the Chinese guy jumped out from behind the pile of sand and yelled... "SUPPLIES!!" This is my new favourite Had an arguement with the mrs the other night I was adamant I could build a car out of spaghetti She said I was a nobhead, was talking shit and it was impossible You should've seen her face when I drove pasta
March 8, 201511 yr "Nurse, nurse, I can't feel my legs," " No need to worry......we've amputated your arms "
March 8, 201511 yr Simple one but always makes me chuckle... Why are Pirates called Pirates.... because they aaaaaaaarr! Always followed (by me at least), "Where's your buccaneers ?" "Side of me buccanhead". Har - har (etc).
March 9, 201511 yr I went to see my optician the other day. He said that I needed to stop masturbating. I asked if it was because it was making me go blind. He said "no, it's just that you're upsetting everyone in the waiting room" Edited March 9, 201511 yr by White on Tyne
March 9, 201511 yr Man walks into a doctor's surgery. "Doctor, when I touch my arm it hurts like hell. And when I touch my leg it bloody kills. When I touch my head it is excruciating pain." "Mmm," said the doctor, "Sounds like you may have a broken finger."
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