no balls Posted September 25, 2014 Share Posted September 25, 2014 Speaking of which, I've seen birds on nights out get more than giddy when fire engines drive past. Then there's that uniform dating website. I've never got round to asking them what it's all about, does anyone know? Each to their own I suppose. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stevieb Posted September 25, 2014 Share Posted September 25, 2014 Speaking of which, I've seen birds on nights out get more than giddy when fire engines drive past. Then there's that uniform dating website. I've never got round to asking them what it's all about, does anyone know? Each to their own I suppose. The one that should basically say "are you anyone?" Rather than "do you work in uniform or fancy those who do?" Fucking Boooooo! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Underpants Posted September 25, 2014 Share Posted September 25, 2014 (edited) Atlanta. It was dark and my mate and I had just come out of the CNN building. Got back to our car to find that we had got a flat tyre. No problem, get it changed. But we also had some 'brothers' hanging around not far from us, and they looked like they were watching us. All this with a gun shot in the distance. Fuck, we thought. Them cunts have let our tyre down and they are going to have our creamy white arses for dinner. Well my pasty bum, my mate is black. Anyway, we changed that tyre quicker than any F1 pit crew could. Thinking about it later it was probably just our paranoia fucking with us. Strange town and all. Edited September 25, 2014 by Underpants Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bolton_blondie Posted September 25, 2014 Members Share Posted September 25, 2014 First girls holiday aged 18 in Marmaris (shit hole). Went with 2 other girls, I was last to get ready, they went to the pool bar whilst I finished off doing my hair. Had a massive power cut, so went to the balcony to basically stress out at my mates. Next thing heard a knock at my door thinking it was one of them, I opened it. There stood one of the Turkish bar men with a torch, he pushed his way in, gripped me and pushed me on the the bed sticking his tongue down my throat! If I hadn't kneed him in the bollocks and screamed bloody murder, I dread to think what could have happened. Dirty bastards. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alibob Posted September 25, 2014 Share Posted September 25, 2014 moscow. A group of skinheads crossing a road to follow us was pretty intimidating and I didn't relax the whole time we were there. Not a welcoming bunch. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starvin marvin Posted September 26, 2014 Share Posted September 26, 2014 Kordestan in Iran. Went their about 20 years ago to do some modifications on some gear we had supplied to some government owned quarries. I Thought something was not quite right when I had my own personal bodyguard who escorted me to and from site everyday From the hotel (some fekkin flea pit) I was staying in. I needed to go and buy some tools to strip down a gear box, and we (bodyguard and I) set of in a taxi to the local town. All seemed quite calm when we arrived, but after a short while I noticed more an more people congregating around us (no Fucker must have seen Elvis before). Bodyguard whispered in my ear.... We need to get out of here, stay close to me.... People started coming up very close to me staring and shouting all kind of abuse (I assume), and I could feel the situation becoming a little tense. Just reminded me of walking down Manny Rd in the good old days....... All of a sudden bodyguard pulled out a fuckin big gun and started firing bullets into the air. He grabbed me by the collar, and bungled me into a taxi who conveniently pulled up along side us...... I was all shook up ! Sounds like you were in the ghetto Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tomski Posted September 26, 2014 Share Posted September 26, 2014 Getting chased while being pelted with rocks and stones in Benidorm and an unsavoury incident in Cyprus. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Compo Posted September 26, 2014 Share Posted September 26, 2014 Once got 'escorted' onto a plane by armed security in Turkey by the scruff of my neck. Effes, barmen teaching you naughty swear words and mild sun stroke not a good combination when finally snapping after two weeks of dirty Turks letching over our maud. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oggybwfc Posted September 26, 2014 Share Posted September 26, 2014 I was in Kingston walking home pissed on Pina Colada, It was hard to saunter in a laid back manner so I had to concentrate really hard. Down the road a big fucker in dreadlocks stops me and tries to buy my necklace, the cunt only offered me a dollar. I told him to fuck off as my Mam had bought it me for Christmas. He started to get a bit nowty, luckily for me i was wearing my Lancashire CCC badge so we had a chat about Clive LLoyd and Harry Pilling. He was still moody but at that precise time Dawn Penn came running out of her "Shack" She starts giving me Grief about how "I didn't love her any more " she even said she would do any thing I wanted. a thinly veiled hint that she would get down on her knees and suck me off. After all this the big cunt tells me too get on my toes and fuck off. Looking back I was glad I loved Cricket and Reggae. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andydee Posted September 26, 2014 Share Posted September 26, 2014 Saying I was the boyfriend of both my older cousin and her friend in a club in Spain when spaniards decided to chat them up... I was 14! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fengshui Posted September 26, 2014 Share Posted September 26, 2014 Being accused of Murder on the way to Germany for the World cup by the police, turned out there was someone with same name as me wanted for murder in Blackpool. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Casino Posted September 26, 2014 Moderators Share Posted September 26, 2014 Down the road a big fucker in dreadlocks stops me and tries to buy my necklace, thought from your previous posts you were a bloke Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOWTUN BAKED Posted September 26, 2014 Share Posted September 26, 2014 Big fook off naked Dutch guy wanted me to be his biatch in a Greek Police cell, it didn't end well for him. Load of munchkin Phillipino lads in a night club in Manila, took exception to some lasses, that came over to dance with me, came pelting across the dance floor all Jackie Chan shit & that! It didn't end well for them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
superkev Posted September 26, 2014 Share Posted September 26, 2014 Nearly being mauled by a dog in a Prague bar. Same night being followed by a gang down a dingy side street and having to run back to the hotel. I do love Prague. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Carlos Posted September 26, 2014 Moderators Share Posted September 26, 2014 Prague, happily drinking whilst others had a jacuzzi with some ladies, some fucker decides to jib it without paying, bottles and ashtrays flying, pepper spray out, followed by a load of seven foot coppers. Hamburg, happily singing karaoke, some fucker picks a chair up, security wade in, owner flashes his gun. Bye... Brussels, staying out of the centre, gets bus into town, bus station looked like Uncle Tom's Cabin, fucked off back to hotel asap. Istanbul, got conned into going for a drink with a bloke, stupid I know, walks in, loads of dancing girls and Russian gangsters, sups up, 30 million Lira please, negotiated down to 10 and fucked off as fast as possible. Zurich, arrived, walked into first bar, not had a drink, got CS gassed, got outside to be rubber bulletted running up the street. Swiss are cunts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
seasoned Traveller Posted September 26, 2014 Share Posted September 26, 2014 In Sarf Africa, playing cricket in Queenstown over the weekend as it was miles away from other teams in the League. The home club puts on a do for visiting teams a brai and plenty of ale at the club, then take you into Quennstown for more beers in the local pubs. So off we go, they two teams lets the two poms, me and my mate wander off, just enough so they can keep an eye on us and point us into a bar, in we to and the whole place stops and it's full and full of blacks. No, I am in no way a racist and have played cricket with people of all nations, but that night for around one minute before the rest caught up with us, I shat myself. The local were in on it and we had a cracking time after in the said bar. Bout 3 years before there had been a big massacre when 30 odd blacks had been shot to death by the police, not far away. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
C86 Posted September 26, 2014 Share Posted September 26, 2014 By the FPO every time we go away. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
superkev Posted September 26, 2014 Share Posted September 26, 2014 Prague, happily drinking whilst others had a jacuzzi with some ladies, some fucker decides to jib it without paying, bottles and ashtrays flying, pepper spray out, followed by a load of seven foot coppers. Hamburg, happily singing karaoke, some fucker picks a chair up, security wade in, owner flashes his gun. Bye... Brussels, staying out of the centre, gets bus into town, bus station looked like Uncle Tom's Cabin, fucked off back to hotel asap. Istanbul, got conned into going for a drink with a bloke, stupid I know, walks in, loads of dancing girls and Russian gangsters, sups up, 30 million Lira please, negotiated down to 10 and fucked off as fast as possible. Zurich, arrived, walked into first bar, not had a drink, got CS gassed, got outside to be rubber bulletted running up the street. Swiss are cunts. I loved Zurich. The area and bars we were in was full of hookers. Great weekend Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Site Supporter Winchester White Posted September 26, 2014 Site Supporter Share Posted September 26, 2014 Big fook off naked Dutch guy wanted me to be his biatch in a Greek Police cell, it didn't end well for him. Load of munchkin Phillipino lads in a night club in Manila, took exception to some lasses, that came over to dance with me, came pelting across the dance floor all Jackie Chan shit & that! It didn't end well for them. You ex-SAS or something? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Traf Posted September 26, 2014 Share Posted September 26, 2014 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oggybwfc Posted September 26, 2014 Share Posted September 26, 2014 thought from your previous posts you were a bloke "You've got too be joking man, It was a present from my Mother" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
floyd Posted September 26, 2014 Share Posted September 26, 2014 Walking in LA near my hotel (on Hollywood Boulevard near the Chinese Theatre) I was stopped by a thoroughly nice Latin American gentleman who asked me if I wanted to buy a knife and, displaying an example of his wares, motioned me into a nearby alleyway. It was at that precise moment I discovered I could run quite fast over 200 metres. Another time in New York my wife and I were walking back to our hotel in Central Manhattan (near Madison Square Garden). It was about 2 am and we'd left a nightclub and she decided (pissed as she was) to sit down on the steps of the New York Public Library at the top of which had congregated some 30 afro-caribbean gentlemen of various ages from 12 to 25. They started to take an interest and it was then that I discovered I could run quite fast over 200 metres whilst carrying a near comatose 125lb woman. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
frank_spencer Posted September 26, 2014 Share Posted September 26, 2014 Atlanta. It was dark and my mate and I had just come out of the CNN building. Got back to our car to find that we had got a flat tyre. No problem, get it changed. But we also had some 'brothers' hanging around not far from us, and they looked like they were watching us. All this with a gun shot in the distance. Fuck, we thought. Them cunts have let our tyre down and they are going to have our creamy white arses for dinner. Well my pasty bum, my mate is black. Anyway, we changed that tyre quicker than any F1 pit crew could. Thinking about it later it was probably just our paranoia fucking with us. Strange town and all. The underground mall in atlanta hand me checking for pick pockets but everyone was friendly enough. Had a chat with a big old southern black fella on the bus back into the city centre from the zoo. He was a proper character plus he pointed out a cracking blues bar near our hotel. At night time I was too pissed up to feel threatened even with the bloke on the MARTA saying he was going to stab everyone as he was from new York and they were tough there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mike Hunt Posted September 26, 2014 Share Posted September 26, 2014 Mad Greek in Kavos came marching to our apartments with a sawn off shotgun. Lad from Oldham walked down the steps to ask what was up and the Greek fired of a shot yelling "Ingleterra Bastardos". Cue lots of door slamming and bed scraping as everyone dived for cover. Sat in his garden as we got back from a session with his shotgun at one side and machette the other. Kicked off with Wigan on same holiday and had a pie munching retard pull a flick knife on me. Bus to Downtown Vegas, me and Mrs Sat behind driver while half a dozen dodgy black blokes moved down the bus. Got dropped on a dark street corner convinced we were getting mugged. Legged it to the lights of Freemont Street. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOWTUN BAKED Posted September 26, 2014 Share Posted September 26, 2014 You ex-SAS or something? In all fairness, though they're long stories, the odds were heavily weighted in my favour. The Big fook off naked Dutch guy was pilled out his face, the stonking hard on he had made easy access to a good boot in his nuts & the Drachma's between my knuckles caught a sweet smash to his eye socket as he was going down. The rest of the story is too long to tell. Phillipinos are small people, I'm not the tallest person, over there though I'm a relative giant in comparison. Although they attacked from behind, having been shouted a warning by a mate who came steaming in from the other side, I turned to see a couple of bouncers block a couple of them off. The first that got to me, got dropped, the rest of the story is too long to tell Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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