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Wanderers Ways. Neil Thompson 1961-2021

How many seagulls could you twat?


Rudy

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Ironically, I had to rescue one with a broken wing on Sunday.

despite the fact it was fucked, it still managed to peck a hole in my arm and put up a real struggle.

Its dead now, like. Had to put it out of its misery.

To answer the question, I reckon 6 or 7 fully fit seagulls could overpower a bloke no problem. They’re fucking evil.

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4 minutes ago, Spider said:

Ironically, I had to rescue one with a broken wing on Sunday.

despite the fact it was fucked, it still managed to peck a hole in my arm and put up a real struggle.

Its dead now, like. Had to put it out of its misery.

To answer the question, I reckon 6 or 7 fully fit seagulls could overpower a bloke no problem. They’re fucking evil.

How did you put it out of its misery? Pillow case and a cricket bat?

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35 minutes ago, Rudy said:

How many do you reckon you could leather before they overpowered you and pecked you to death and dragged you out to sea?

I reckon 12

Depends if they're acting in unison or not. If they're all acting independently and coming one at a time then I reckon I could hold them off indefinitely. 

I'm proper nails me mind 😁

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26 minutes ago, Spider said:

Neck twist.

Eventually.

Wasnt a highlight of my weekend, I will say that.

Ain’t your missus a vet? And you had to wring it’s neck. Would’ve been like busman’s holiday for her 

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The Urban Gulls round here are bigger than fucking bald eagles. Fed off high carb diets involving chips, naan breads and vomit they are warriors. 

4 of em could take your average man easy.

Ive seen one flip a car over for a single chip.

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 You'd be more fired up if a seagull nicked your £8 odd cod and chips, and he would get a right twatting. Especially if it knocked your specs off in the process.

If it was only a two quid candy floss you might be a bit more lenient and just give it a bit of a slap.

Make the punishment fit the crime, I say.

Edited by Francis Fogarty
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2 hours ago, kent_white said:

Depends if they're acting in unison or not. If they're all acting independently and coming one at a time then I reckon I could hold them off indefinitely. 

I'm proper nails me mind 😁

Dave Hunter from Morecambe would take on 50 seagulls plus a few crocodiles just with a spoon.

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3 hours ago, kent_white said:

Depends if they're acting in unison or not. If they're all acting independently and coming one at a time then I reckon I could hold them off indefinitely. 

I'm proper nails me mind 😁

If one lured you down a side street on the pretext of you being on your own, and a load of them popped up from a skip I reckon you'd have your hands full.

Your tie would be all over one side and your hair all messed up, probably with a scratch one one cheek. Like Tippi Hedren and that bloke out of 'The Birds'.

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7 minutes ago, Youri McAnespie said:

I used to amuse myself as a kid by picking up dog-ends (when everyone smoked) peeling the orange paper off and chucking them off the North Pier when the tide was in to the skiving gulls bobbing about on the sea - the greedy twats fell for it every time and wolfed them down.

If you didn’t read this in the voice of Alan Bennett, do give it a go. Works so much better.

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