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Christmas Doo Tales


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20 minutes ago, Rudy said:

😂😂 that’s the most Esco thing I’ve read 

I have to get on with my colleagues, travel the world with them if you don’t click it’s awful at times, but luckily I have a great set of colleagues 

The big corporate doo I don’t enjoy, have to be on best behaviour , it’s a long long night and I despise wearing a suit

😁 it’s the truth. Everywhere I’ve worked I’ve disliked far more people than I’ve liked. And current job is the same. I like 2 out of 7 colleagues in my immediate team.  Wider business I like quite a few folk tbf but again more I can’t stand. 
 

I just end up on big do’s fed up which leads to me getting hammered or off my head and then it just deteriorates rapidly. 
 

luckily in this role I can get out of most events by virtue of distance as inevitably held in Milton Keynes. So it’s a godsend. 

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It wasn't my hotel, I still couldn't find my original hotel the following day roaming about the city, good job the mates turned up with my bag at the railway station.

actually now I think about it I have, and posted this before so just had to find it and copy and paste John Thomson (fast show etc) - 2001 in the Met in Didsbury end of the night after

Que?

Had my innocence taken by a 36 year old married woman who was on her xmas works do.

I was drinking underage in the Washington pub with my brother and his pals who were getting my ale in.

She made a beeline for me and we ended up finding a B&B where she paid for room and she brutalized me. 

It was that early we went back out after. Fucked her off soon as we got in waterfront.

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Worst - worked in an estate agents with a load of Indian lads. Went out for a meal at a dry curry house. Food was amazing but I can't drink curry without a pint so me and the office Polish lad ended up taking some cans which we'd go out and drink in between courses. Anyway, afterwards we had a whole night out planned but the Indian lads decided against it so gave us £150 each to go and have a good one instead. Well, this Polish lad was a fucking weirdo so after two pints in the local with him I ended up going home at 9pm with the cash in my pocket instead. In fact that might have said more about me than anyone else.

 

Best - worked at a travel firm in Preston and they would hire out part of Blackpool Pleasure Beach every year meaning free and unfettered access to all the rides in the roped-off bit. Then inside the venue thing for free bar and food plus a band etc. Hotel rooms available at that horrible blue place next to the Big One. Making my head hurt just thinking about it.

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Working in Northwich today so I nipped to Tesco at lunch and whilst there went to have a look at their selection. Picked up a couple of North and a Triple Hazy but the real prize was next door - a Bargain Booze. Haven't been in one in forever so popped in and would you fuckin' believe it they had Verdant cans on the shelf - £4 a pop for their 20 Watt Moon and for a decent selection of Mikkeller. Unbelievable.

 

Edit - obviously meant for the Pissheadery thread

Edited by Kane57
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5 minutes ago, Kane57 said:

Working in Northwich today so I nipped to Tesco at lunch and whilst there went to have a look at their selection. Picked up a couple of North and a Triple Hazy but the real prize was next door - a Bargain Booze. Haven't been in one in forever so popped in and would you fuckin' believe it they had Verdant cans on the shelf - £4 a pop for their 20 Watt Moon and for a decent selection of Mikkeller. Unbelievable.

The Bargain Booze near me does similar

It's my 3rd choice beer shop but still pretty good 

https://www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/whats-on/food-drink-news/bargain-booze-davenport-craft-beer-13658231

Definitely doesn't have 300 craft beers though

Maybe 100 at best, depending on what they include

Though it's where i found Rivvys Evil Dead 2 so bought all 5

 

Edited by ZicoKelly
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32 minutes ago, Kane57 said:

Working in Northwich today so I nipped to Tesco at lunch and whilst there went to have a look at their selection. Picked up a couple of North and a Triple Hazy but the real prize was next door - a Bargain Booze. Haven't been in one in forever so popped in and would you fuckin' believe it they had Verdant cans on the shelf - £4 a pop for their 20 Watt Moon and for a decent selection of Mikkeller. Unbelievable.

 

Edit - obviously meant for the Pissheadery thread

20 watt moon is a cracker

Its that colour that you know will be good

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14 hours ago, little whitt said:

back in the late 80s early 90s 

we would go to the Willows salford Rugby club every year 

seen all the old 60s groups 

had some Amazing night in there every year i would tap up 

Fingering birds arses the lot 

 

14 hours ago, jules_darby said:

Ha ha remember you telling me about this

Used to see him around Dids loads

Oh  and Works Xmas do’s are a pain in the arse

Am I reading too much into these two posts? 🤣

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Used to love work dos when I was younger. The rule was each level paid in a set amount. So Director might be £200 senior manager £100. Down to most junior who paid nothing. 
 

So as a trainee was free. Made some real good mates back then so we had a real good group. As I got older it was more the fact that the new lot were not good mates as much as the cost that ruined it. 
 

Last time I was working the formal do in a hotel was awful. I left after about 2 hours bored. When then had a do in a pub with the people who got on and that was great. 

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Around 2004 in a restaurant in Islington

One of the office managers, who is usually very quiet, is really knocking back the wine at around 2pm

She started a food fight that got us all kicked out

Later on in a pub I managed to get kicked out three times but got a way back in each time and get served again, as there was more than one way into the pub so bouncers didn't notice

I would have got away with it until one of our group threw up on the pool table and we all got booted out and I got told I was banned for life

Even though I only lived about a ten minute walk away, woke up in a mate's flat on the opposite side of London with no recollection of how I got there

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3 minutes ago, DirtySanchez said:

Around 2004 in a restaurant in Islington

One of the office managers, who is usually very quiet, is really knocking back the wine at around 2pm

She started a food fight that got us all kicked out

Later on in a pub I managed to get kicked out three times but got a way back in each time and get served again, as there was more than one way into the pub so bouncers didn't notice

I would have got away with it until one of our group threw up on the pool table and we all got booted out and I got told I was banned for life

Even though I only lived about a ten minute walk away, woke up in a mate's flat on the opposite side of London with no recollection of how I got there

Haha, is there anything worse than that few minutes of panicked confusion when you wake up and your not sure where you are or how you got there? Had that a few times over the years.

Then followed by the absolute relief when you hear a voice you know or realise your at a mates house. 

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16 minutes ago, boogs said:

Haha, is there anything worse than that few minutes of panicked confusion when you wake up and your not sure where you are or how you got there? Had that a few times over the years.

Then followed by the absolute relief when you hear a voice you know or realise your at a mates house. 

Waking up in a broom cupboard in a strange hotel in Marseille after a full day on the piss and getting lost after the match. I still went downstairs for a buffet breakfast though.

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8 minutes ago, leigh white said:

Waking up in a broom cupboard in a strange hotel in Marseille after a full day on the piss and getting lost after the match. I still went downstairs for a buffet breakfast though.

Always get the brekky on a matter of principle. Doesn’t matter if it comes back up again a bit later, it’s been paid for.

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1 minute ago, boogs said:

Always get the brekky on a matter of principle. Doesn’t matter if it comes back up again a bit later, it’s been paid for.

It wasn't my hotel, I still couldn't find my original hotel the following day roaming about the city, good job the mates turned up with my bag at the railway station.

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2 minutes ago, leigh white said:

It wasn't my hotel, I still couldn't find my original hotel the following day roaming about the city, good job the mates turned up with my bag at the railway station.

😂 superb

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My first Xmas do where we all stayed away, I was playing the 18 yr old big man saying I could drink loads, so the older heads plied me with wine saying they'd bet I couldn't drink a full glass of red wine in one go, etc..  Well, I'd fucking show them wouldn't I...

I didn't even last until the desserts were served and was carried to the toilets and left over the bowl.  Apparently as I'd not returned half an hour later they came to check on me and I was slumped with my head in the bowl and the toilet seat over it resting on my shoulders like a life jacket.  I was then carried upstairs to my room where I was kindly undressed and put to bed.  Woke up in the morning to find I'd been sick over the side of the bed all over my clothes and I'd shit myself.  Lovely.

 

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9 minutes ago, DazBob said:

My first Xmas do where we all stayed away, I was playing the 18 yr old big man saying I could drink loads, so the older heads plied me with wine saying they'd bet I couldn't drink a full glass of red wine in one go, etc..  Well, I'd fucking show them wouldn't I...

I didn't even last until the desserts were served and was carried to the toilets and left over the bowl.  Apparently as I'd not returned half an hour later they came to check on me and I was slumped with my head in the bowl and the toilet seat over it resting on my shoulders like a life jacket.  I was then carried upstairs to my room where I was kindly undressed and put to bed.  Woke up in the morning to find I'd been sick over the side of the bed all over my clothes and I'd shit myself.  Lovely.

 

I’ve got to ask mate, who undressed you and are they on a register?

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Lad called our boss a cunt for accidentally taking a sip of his pint. 

Then compounded it by saying, 'Would you like me to shag your wife? No you wouldn't so leave my fucking pint alone'

Sort of semi understandable if he was really pissed but it was only our second pint.

Edited by mickbrown
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3 hours ago, DazBob said:

My first Xmas do where we all stayed away, I was playing the 18 yr old big man saying I could drink loads, so the older heads plied me with wine saying they'd bet I couldn't drink a full glass of red wine in one go, etc..  Well, I'd fucking show them wouldn't I...

I didn't even last until the desserts were served and was carried to the toilets and left over the bowl.  Apparently as I'd not returned half an hour later they came to check on me and I was slumped with my head in the bowl and the toilet seat over it resting on my shoulders like a life jacket.  I was then carried upstairs to my room where I was kindly undressed and put to bed.  Woke up in the morning to find I'd been sick over the side of the bed all over my clothes and I'd shit myself.  Lovely.

 

You need to start a #metoo thread Rudy 😂

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22 hours ago, Escobarp said:

😁 it’s the truth. Everywhere I’ve worked I’ve disliked far more people than I’ve liked. And current job is the same. I like 2 out of 7 colleagues in my immediate team.  Wider business I like quite a few folk tbf but again more I can’t stand. 
 

I just end up on big do’s fed up which leads to me getting hammered or off my head and then it just deteriorates rapidly. 
 

luckily in this role I can get out of most events by virtue of distance as inevitably held in Milton Keynes. So it’s a godsend. 

In my old place - big corporate place - our team had a works do, which was great, drunk, meal always a good laugh.

The company always had a huge bash - nightclub in Central rented out, free booze all night, that sort where you asked for a bottle of vodka for a group etc Avoided it like the plauge, never went. Too old. Although if I was in my 20s. The girls who worked there were mind-blowingly good looking. You know the type - rich, global company, young etc 

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Didn't go to it. Don't even know if it really was an Xmas do. But it was on a day when most were happening, and getting the tube back from a late finish at work in London there was the usual Xmas carnage about. But as the train sat at Hammersmith to take me on to Acton Town I glanced out and sitting on a bench on the platform was a power-dressed lass, obviously back from some high-end works do in the City. Thing that struck me, and I can still picture even though it was 30 years ago, was the fact that she was deluged in sick head to toe. I don't mean a bit of splash-back or owt. It was as if she'd slumped back then projectile vomited directly upwards like one of Elon Musk's rockets and then had it fall to earth with the precision of one of his first stage boosters - but instead of a graceful landing, it had dispersed itself over every inch of her head, face and well-tailored suit -  and half the bench. 

Always wondered what happened to her when she came to her senses. Probably found an ex-miner from Leyth patting her down with a pack of Handy Andies and suggesting she come back to his B&B to clean up...

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