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Wanderers Ways. Neil Thompson 1961-2021

Wembley 🍕


Eddie

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1 hour ago, MickyD said:

Thinking of ridding yourself of body hair?

Well I won't be using Veet....

 

Customer Review

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 30 July 2012
 
After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly successful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits.

Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus's birthday as a bit of a treat.I ordered it well in advance and working in the North sea I considered myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as soft office types...oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was.

I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving some vague hints about a special surprise I went down to the bathroom. Initially all went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen. I didn't have long to wait.

At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head.

Religion hadn't featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around the turd tunnel and what seemed like the destruction of the meat and two veg.

Struggling to not bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel of in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of hair.Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall into the kitchen by this time walking was not really possible and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold relief.

I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, tore the lid of and positioned it under me. The relief was fantastic but only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing soon returned.

Due to the shape of the ice cream tub I hadn't managed to give the starfish any treatment and I groped around in the draw for something else as I was sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon. I grabbed a bag of what I later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open trying to be quiet as I did so. I took a handful of them and tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my arse.

This was not doing the trick as some of the gel had found it's way up the chutney channel and it felt like the space shuttle was running it's engines behind me.This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain.

The only solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before.

Unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the sight of me, arse in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end pushing a sprout up my arse while muttering..." Ooooh that feels good "

Understandingly this was a shock to her and she let out a scream and as I hadn't heard her come in it caused an involuntary spasm of shock in myself which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her direction.

I can understand that having a sprout farted against your leg at 11 at night in the kitchen probably wasn't the special surprise she was expecting and having to explain to the kids the next day what the strange hollow in the ice cream was didn't improve my status...

PS: Turns out "Veet" is the rebrand name of "Immac" which is ironically manufactured by a company called Reckitt
Edited by Wanderlust
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Don’t know if it’s been mentioned above (I can’t get to reply. According to the email that came with the tickets you’ve got to print them out.

PS.I veeted my 'nads one time. Never again. They looked like the last turkey in the shop.

 (To quote Spike Milligan).

Edited by Francis Fogarty
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1 hour ago, barrycowdrill said:

QR self scanner at the gate so either or really. I’ve never had a problem printing 

I imagine that’s in case one person has 10 tickets on their phone and has to supervise his own 9 pissed up fans plus thousands of likeminded others trying to get in at the same time.

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42 minutes ago, Manchester_whites said:

Rail strikes suspended 

Full service on now train tickets available for the Sunday on sale now can see them selling out quick £103 pound but if you go on split my fare can get tickets for about £75 

Edited by Farnywhite
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Just now, Burndens Bogs said:

Hearing that The Torch is Plymouths for the day.

Our top boys shouldn’t stand for that.

Its a clear provocation, and if our Lads don’t steam in there and take over, we lose all face amongst the Stone Island army.

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8 minutes ago, Bradshaw White said:

Long shot - anyone know of any lower tier spares (x2). Very late to the party & really don't fancy being up in't clouds. 

Been scammed once already by some not-right.

Cheers chaps. 

A friend is selling a pair

block 119

row 44

seats 226-227

£100 for pair

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30 minutes ago, RUREADY2ROLL said:

Knew the Argentinian Bolton fans were coming over but it’s nice to see the Bolton News article about them. Give them a warm welcome if you see them.

It is a great story but let's not think it is ok to chant 'Argentina'. Under any circumstances. 

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