Mental Health/Depression

[bolton_blondie]

58 minutes ago, L/H White said:

I've a mate who's just got out of jail, only a 6 month stint for petty stuff, so he's absolutely gagging for it himself, I could send his number on if you're interested? 

He does have some excess skin on the end of his willy.

Who needs tinder when you have ww 😂

[FrancisFogarty]

On 12/05/2022 at 08:24, L/H White said:

I've a mate who's just got out of jail, only a 6 month stint for petty stuff, so he's absolutely gagging for it himself, I could send his number on if you're interested? 

He does have some excess skin on the end of his willy.

His, or someone else's ?

[Breightmet Boy]

On 10/05/2022 at 14:22, bolton_blondie said:

I've started with a pain in my stomach/gut and just a overall feeling of dread. This is fun. The panicking feeling I have about caring and providing for two children is overwhelming today. I'm not arsed about me. Please tell me it will go away? 

I think sometimes things can weigh us down even though our heads ain’t telling us what and why it is, yet it effects our body.  If it carries on I’d recommend The Wellness Centre in Radcliffe, David has dealt with all kinds, he’s a very clever chap indeed and maybe steer you in the right direction of what’s bothering you, if anything is.  I’m a old patient of his, he’s dealt with a few of the MEN Arena kids etc, he knows his onions.  

[Leyther_Matt]

Today has been a struggle.

Didn’t want to start a new thread as it feels like a bit of an attention seek, but my lad’s mum is moving to Cambridgeshire and has decided she’s taking him with her.

We’ve known it was a possibility since the day of the Accrington home game but had no fixed date, mainly because she’s a fuckwit and hasn’t thought through a single aspect of the move. Found out today that they’re going on Sunday. As in less than 48 hours. Even then, I only found out when I was going to pick him up from school as normal and had an automated call that he was absent.

He stayed with us for a fortnight or so recently which we thought was a good indication that he’d be fine living with us and be able to stay at the same school etc but sadly no luck. He’s got his year 9 exams in a fortnight and not even a school set up down there yet.

We’ve looked in to trying to block it somehow but despite page one saying equal rights for both parents if both are named on the birth certificate (as I am), you get to about page 36 and it says priority is giving to the mother of blocking the move would have a negative impact on her mental health. She’s been on anti depressants and was knocked about by a recent partner so we’ve fuck all chance once that card is played.

I text t’lad this morning to ask why he wasn’t in school and the reply was “mum said there’s no point”. It was at that point that alarm bells rang that they were on their way. Poor lad hasn’t even had chance to say goodbye to his mates, so the first thing we did after picking him up tonight was get in touch with his mates so that they can all meet up tomorrow, even though it means we lose a bit of time with him on his last day.

”You can see him in the school holidays”. Nah, tell you what, YOU only see him in the school holidays.

Apologies for lengthy post. Head is all over the place. Mrs has been an absolute rock throughout so I feel a bit of a fraud posting it on here really. 

[Traf]

10 minutes ago, Leyther_Matt said:

Today has been a struggle.

Fucking hell, mate, gutted for you.
Must have come as a right kick in the balls even if you were expecting it at some point.

You've done right to post it on here, it has pissed you off/upset you and it's good to air it.
Chin up, pal, he'll break up in 2 months and you'll have him for the summer. He's getting to the age where he's old enough to make his own mind up and who knows after six weeks "back home" in the summer, he might not want to go back.  

[MancWanderer]

@Leyther_Matt sympathise with you mate

Lost my two daughters many years ago when the ex Mrs Manc won custody. Nowhere near the distance and was still able to see them the odd weekend

Play the long game. Difficult at the moment  I know but I have such a fantastic relationship with my two daughters now. A few years of shit but battled through endless arguments and all good now

And never ever apologise for posting on here.

Plenty of folk have been through very bad times

Lots of not-rights happy to help

From personal experience DM anyone you think might help

[Escobarp]

8 hours ago, Leyther_Matt said:

Today has been a struggle.

Didn’t want to start a new thread as it feels like a bit of an attention seek, but my lad’s mum is moving to Cambridgeshire and has decided she’s taking him with her.

We’ve known it was a possibility since the day of the Accrington home game but had no fixed date, mainly because she’s a fuckwit and hasn’t thought through a single aspect of the move. Found out today that they’re going on Sunday. As in less than 48 hours. Even then, I only found out when I was going to pick him up from school as normal and had an automated call that he was absent.

He stayed with us for a fortnight or so recently which we thought was a good indication that he’d be fine living with us and be able to stay at the same school etc but sadly no luck. He’s got his year 9 exams in a fortnight and not even a school set up down there yet.

We’ve looked in to trying to block it somehow but despite page one saying equal rights for both parents if both are named on the birth certificate (as I am), you get to about page 36 and it says priority is giving to the mother of blocking the move would have a negative impact on her mental health. She’s been on anti depressants and was knocked about by a recent partner so we’ve fuck all chance once that card is played.

I text t’lad this morning to ask why he wasn’t in school and the reply was “mum said there’s no point”. It was at that point that alarm bells rang that they were on their way. Poor lad hasn’t even had chance to say goodbye to his mates, so the first thing we did after picking him up tonight was get in touch with his mates so that they can all meet up tomorrow, even though it means we lose a bit of time with him on his last day.

”You can see him in the school holidays”. Nah, tell you what, YOU only see him in the school holidays.

Apologies for lengthy post. Head is all over the place. Mrs has been an absolute rock throughout so I feel a bit of a fraud posting it on here really. 

Chins up matt. You will get it sorted just keep going as hard as it may seem 

[radcliffe white]

Sorry to hear this Matt no doubt a very difficult time for you, like others say you will get this sorted it’s short term pain 

[Tonge moor green jacket]

That must be gutting Matt.

Have you taken any legal advice- if only to help you with your head?

You've referred to her as a fuckwit, understandably so, therefore have you kept a record of all of the weird shit etc which you could present?

[Tonge moor green jacket]

I'd also add, that my wife's friend went through a similar situation-her daughter went with the dad.

Might be worth checking, but she said once the child reaches 13, then they can chose who they wish to live with- which is what happened. Apparently they can swap later, but that's not relevant at this moment. 

[Not in Crawley]

10 hours ago, Leyther_Matt said:

Today has been a struggle.

Didn’t want to start a new thread as it feels like a bit of an attention seek, but my lad’s mum is moving to Cambridgeshire and has decided she’s taking him with her.

We’ve known it was a possibility since the day of the Accrington home game but had no fixed date, mainly because she’s a fuckwit and hasn’t thought through a single aspect of the move. Found out today that they’re going on Sunday. As in less than 48 hours. Even then, I only found out when I was going to pick him up from school as normal and had an automated call that he was absent.

He stayed with us for a fortnight or so recently which we thought was a good indication that he’d be fine living with us and be able to stay at the same school etc but sadly no luck. He’s got his year 9 exams in a fortnight and not even a school set up down there yet.

We’ve looked in to trying to block it somehow but despite page one saying equal rights for both parents if both are named on the birth certificate (as I am), you get to about page 36 and it says priority is giving to the mother of blocking the move would have a negative impact on her mental health. She’s been on anti depressants and was knocked about by a recent partner so we’ve fuck all chance once that card is played.

I text t’lad this morning to ask why he wasn’t in school and the reply was “mum said there’s no point”. It was at that point that alarm bells rang that they were on their way. Poor lad hasn’t even had chance to say goodbye to his mates, so the first thing we did after picking him up tonight was get in touch with his mates so that they can all meet up tomorrow, even though it means we lose a bit of time with him on his last day.

”You can see him in the school holidays”. Nah, tell you what, YOU only see him in the school holidays.

Apologies for lengthy post. Head is all over the place. Mrs has been an absolute rock throughout so I feel a bit of a fraud posting it on here really. 

I really feel for you, I've been through something similar myself and it's not easy, incidentally just got off the phone with my 10 year old as its her birthday. Years ago this would have knocked my head sideways not being there but you have to work round it, find ways to cope and most importantly not beat yourself up.

Anyway, yes she does have the right to live where she wants for her well being and if she is the primary care giver then that's just the way that works.

Firstly though I know you'll be angry at her, but - and trust me on this - it helps no one, not you or your kid. You can spend years resenting her and it won't help anything and it'll make you feel worse because you are pretty powerless in this situation. You've got to try and over time let it wash over you and your only focus is being the best dad you can be, they will never forget that but they will also remember if you are having fights as it'll put them into a position of feeling guilty for things that aren't their fault. Hardest of all you are going to have to support his mum at times otherwise he'll be able to bounce off against each of you, again not great for your boy.

Be easy on yourself, this will change your life but you have to remember that you have to be happy as well, you won't have day to day contact but you can always be there and you can build memories and a family life, it's just going to be a bit different. 

As they get older they will want to spend more times with friends, by 15 year old hasn't been for few weeks now, and yes I miss her but she has to build a life with her friends and I don't want her ro resent coming here so I never force them, it's their choice. I miss them, but they aren't my processions, my job is to make sure they are happy, adjusted and then enjoy the times we are together (although bollock them about being messy)

Having said all this it's been a decade of doing this and I'd say it took me 2-3 years to stop having massive mood swings and I'd say it's the last 4 years where the guilt of not being there all the time and not feeling like a proper Dad has stopped. I call it my splinter, its a sadness that never really goes away but it gets less painful. I've never had a serious bereavement but I can imagine it's a very similar feeling, your world is just thrown off kilter.

This weekend talk about it a lot, and talk.about it when you need to. Try and push that anger away on talk about things you can positively focus on, the summer holidays are very close, think about that and take small steps. When you look back in a few years you'll have a great relationship with your son, and importantly this won't define his or your life but you have to make sure you don't let it.

Best of luck, take care of yourself.or else you won't be able to do the same for your lad.

 

[ErnestTurnip]

10 hours ago, Leyther_Matt said:

Today has been a struggle.

Awful situation for you to be in, honestly feel for you.

Apologies if I’m thinking of the wrong person here but if your lad has been officially diagnosed as having an ASD and has an EHCP in place at school then that might help if you want to try to block the move because his welfare will always trump hers in a legal situation. I’m no expert though so I’d look at taking some proper advice.

[Leyther_Matt]

7 minutes ago, ErnestTurnip said:

Awful situation for you to be in, honestly feel for you.

Apologies if I’m thinking of the wrong person here but if your lad has been officially diagnosed as having an ASD and has an EHCP in place at school then that might help if you want to try to block the move because his welfare will always trump hers in a legal situation. I’m no expert though so I’d look at taking some proper advice.

Correct, yes, he’s autistic which was one of the reasons I thought she’d let him live with us for his last two years at school or even just the rest of year 9. He’s really started flourish both academically and socially and it’s just such a shame that he has to start all over again on that front. Although I’ve never been diagnosed with owt, I’m certain that I’m on the spectrum somewhere (aren’t we all?) and I know I’d have really struggled with the move at his age.

As I’ve said he’s said he wants to go with her so there’s not much I can do about it really. I still don’t think it’s the right move for him and he’s only agreed to it to keep his mum happy, but all I can do is support him from afar.

Hope he’s with us for the first home game of the season or having his seat empty at the side of me is going to be a right kick in the nuts. 

[Not in Crawley]

Sorry, just a final note, the lad will love his mum as well. A fight about living places isn't going to help him and if he wants to go, then as I've said concentrate on the best life for you both. I waste so many years and made stupid living decisions (ironically moving to Cambridge for one)

My eldest is also has spectrum related issues, the trick is being consistent as change makes her feel very unhappy.

[Leyther_Matt]

30 minutes ago, Not in Crawley said:

Sorry, just a final note, the lad will love his mum as well. A fight about living places isn't going to help him and if he wants to go, then as I've said concentrate on the best life for you both. I waste so many years and made stupid living decisions (ironically moving to Cambridge for one)

My eldest is also has spectrum related issues, the trick is being consistent as change makes her feel very unhappy.

Tbh that’s why we haven’t taken it down the legal route as that just wouldn’t do him any good. Particularly as we know, despite all the factors in our favour, we’re fucked once the mother’s mental health card is played so we’d be wasting our time anyway.

[Zico]

Sounds shit 

Couldn't imagine the thought of not seeing my daughter every day 

On the bright side 

Be handy for Cambridge and Peterborough away next season

[Not in Crawley]

2 minutes ago, Leyther_Matt said:

Tbh that’s why we haven’t taken it down the legal route as that just wouldn’t do him any good. Particularly as we know, despite all the factors in our favour, we’re fucked once the mother’s mental health card is played so we’d be wasting our time anyway.

That's probably for the best. 

Anyway, if you want to know things to do to entertain kids in Cambridge - let me know! 

[little whitt]

13 hours ago, Leyther_Matt said:

Today has been a struggle.

Didn’t want to start a new thread as it feels like a bit of an attention seek, but my lad’s mum is moving to Cambridgeshire and has decided she’s taking him with her.

We’ve known it was a possibility since the day of the Accrington home game but had no fixed date, mainly because she’s a fuckwit and hasn’t thought through a single aspect of the move. Found out today that they’re going on Sunday. As in less than 48 hours. Even then, I only found out when I was going to pick him up from school as normal and had an automated call that he was absent.

He stayed with us for a fortnight or so recently which we thought was a good indication that he’d be fine living with us and be able to stay at the same school etc but sadly no luck. He’s got his year 9 exams in a fortnight and not even a school set up down there yet.

We’ve looked in to trying to block it somehow but despite page one saying equal rights for both parents if both are named on the birth certificate (as I am), you get to about page 36 and it says priority is giving to the mother of blocking the move would have a negative impact on her mental health. She’s been on anti depressants and was knocked about by a recent partner so we’ve fuck all chance once that card is played.

I text t’lad this morning to ask why he wasn’t in school and the reply was “mum said there’s no point”. It was at that point that alarm bells rang that they were on their way. Poor lad hasn’t even had chance to say goodbye to his mates, so the first thing we did after picking him up tonight was get in touch with his mates so that they can all meet up tomorrow, even though it means we lose a bit of time with him on his last day.

”You can see him in the school holidays”. Nah, tell you what, YOU only see him in the school holidays.

Apologies for lengthy post. Head is all over the place. Mrs has been an absolute rock throughout so I feel a bit of a fraud posting it on here really. 

my lads mum did the same when he was 4/5  Lived in Atherton went to a Village near Gainsbrough 

was a better place to live then Atherton  I would pick him up one weekend  her mum and dad the other my mum and dad the other so was not that bad soon as he was 16 moved back in with me 

Look on the Plus Side he is not better growing up in Cambridgeshire  then LEIGH  

you will always be his Dad and he will always know that Pal

[London Wanderer]

4 hours ago, Leyther_Matt said:

Correct, yes, he’s autistic which was one of the reasons I thought she’d let him live with us for his last two years at school or even just the rest of year 9. He’s really started flourish both academically and socially and it’s just such a shame that he has to start all over again on that front. Although I’ve never been diagnosed with owt, I’m certain that I’m on the spectrum somewhere (aren’t we all?) and I know I’d have really struggled with the move at his age.

As I’ve said he’s said he wants to go with her so there’s not much I can do about it really. I still don’t think it’s the right move for him and he’s only agreed to it to keep his mum happy, but all I can do is support him from afar.

Hope he’s with us for the first home game of the season or having his seat empty at the side of me is going to be a right kick in the nuts. 

Sounds like you're doing all the right things fella. He knows you love him & are always there which will make a massive difference going forward. 

All the best with it all & well done for speaking about it. 

[Ani]

Some times I think this site is a fucking waste and then a thread like this crops up, good people will talk and some excellent responses 

Not a subject I know about so nothing to add but well done everyone 

 

[Leyther_Matt]

6 hours ago, Zico said:

Be handy for Cambridge and Peterborough away next season

It’s already been suggested 😂 

Tbf it had closely followed his mum saying it was ‘near a quick train line’ so he could come up to us on his own, as if doing away games doesn’t involve a concise knowledge of this country’s rail system. 3 hrs 18 and two changes, and that’s just to get to Manchester 🤦🏻‍♂️ 

[Zico]

4 minutes ago, Leyther_Matt said:

It’s already been suggested 😂 

Tbf it had closely followed his mum saying it was ‘near a quick train line’ so he could come up to us on his own, as if doing away games doesn’t involve a concise knowledge of this country’s rail system. 3 hrs 18 and two changes, and that’s just to get to Manchester 🤦🏻‍♂️ 

I lived down there for a year student 

Once took me 8 hours to get back to Bolton on the national express

[Leyther_Matt]

1 minute ago, Zico said:

I lived down there for a year student 

Once took me 8 hours to get back to Bolton on the national express

Were you sat next to Sober Dan?

[Not in Crawley]

Yeah it's a pain getting to Bolton from Cambridge. I thought moving further that way would be easier but it's quicker driving or getting the train from South London.

Although its got a.lot better on the train, there is a fast services from King's Cross but it's not cheap. 

But if you live more than a certain amount of miles from your kids and you have regular contact you get money off with the CSA so you can still have regular contact. For me it's about £60 a month off what I have to pay.

 

[little whitt]

44 minutes ago, Leyther_Matt said:

It’s already been suggested 😂 

Tbf it had closely followed his mum saying it was ‘near a quick train line’ so he could come up to us on his own, as if doing away games doesn’t involve a concise knowledge of this country’s rail system. 3 hrs 18 and two changes, and that’s just to get to Manchester 🤦🏻‍♂️ 

Driving you can do it in 3 Hrs 

M6 A14 M11  for about a mile 

bobs your Uncle Fanny's your Aunt