Mental Health/Depression

[Tonge moor green jacket]

Reading Spider's moanalogues is fucking depressing. 

[stevieb]

13 hours ago, Zico said:

Ironically if I see a "live, laugh, love" type post i get angry, contemptuous and depressed 

 

[wanderer1984]

On 21/05/2022 at 10:08, Not in Crawley said:

I really feel for you, I've been through something similar myself and it's not easy, incidentally just got off the phone with my 10 year old as its her birthday. Years ago this would have knocked my head sideways not being there but you have to work round it, find ways to cope and most importantly not beat yourself up.

Anyway, yes she does have the right to live where she wants for her well being and if she is the primary care giver then that's just the way that works.

Firstly though I know you'll be angry at her, but - and trust me on this - it helps no one, not you or your kid. You can spend years resenting her and it won't help anything and it'll make you feel worse because you are pretty powerless in this situation. You've got to try and over time let it wash over you and your only focus is being the best dad you can be, they will never forget that but they will also remember if you are having fights as it'll put them into a position of feeling guilty for things that aren't their fault. Hardest of all you are going to have to support his mum at times otherwise he'll be able to bounce off against each of you, again not great for your boy.

Be easy on yourself, this will change your life but you have to remember that you have to be happy as well, you won't have day to day contact but you can always be there and you can build memories and a family life, it's just going to be a bit different. 

As they get older they will want to spend more times with friends, by 15 year old hasn't been for few weeks now, and yes I miss her but she has to build a life with her friends and I don't want her ro resent coming here so I never force them, it's their choice. I miss them, but they aren't my processions, my job is to make sure they are happy, adjusted and then enjoy the times we are together (although bollock them about being messy)

Having said all this it's been a decade of doing this and I'd say it took me 2-3 years to stop having massive mood swings and I'd say it's the last 4 years where the guilt of not being there all the time and not feeling like a proper Dad has stopped. I call it my splinter, its a sadness that never really goes away but it gets less painful. I've never had a serious bereavement but I can imagine it's a very similar feeling, your world is just thrown off kilter.

This weekend talk about it a lot, and talk.about it when you need to. Try and push that anger away on talk about things you can positively focus on, the summer holidays are very close, think about that and take small steps. When you look back in a few years you'll have a great relationship with your son, and importantly this won't define his or your life but you have to make sure you don't let it.

Best of luck, take care of yourself.or else you won't be able to do the same for your lad.

 

Excellent advice and post pal.

[gonzo]

Probably sounds a bit mental coming from me but does anyone know how I could get help for someone for addiction to drugs? 

Like a case worker councillor type dude? 

One of my customers is in a whole world of pain and clearly needs help but doesn't seem to be getting it.

[frank_spencer]

8 minutes ago, gonzo said:

Probably sounds a bit mental coming from me but does anyone know how I could get help for someone for addiction to drugs? 

Like a case worker councillor type dude? 

One of my customers is in a whole world of pain and clearly needs help but doesn't seem to be getting it.

Sadly unless they put themselves forwards for it or you're their carer there's fuck all you can do.

Our old neighbour was a raging alcoholic and his life and flat were a fucking mess but as he wouldn't engage with any services there was nothing to be done. We tried social services and the NHS for him both said the same.

[gonzo]

3 minutes ago, frank_spencer said:

Sadly unless they put themselves forwards for it or you're their carer there's fuck all you can do.

Our old neighbour was a raging alcoholic and his life and flat were a fucking mess but as he wouldn't engage with any services there was nothing to be done. We tried social services and the NHS for him both said the same.

This fella is gonna lose the lot.

Trouble is, hes been docs but hes either not telling them everything or they are giving him the wrong help.

 

[MickyD]

2 minutes ago, frank_spencer said:

Sadly unless they put themselves forwards for it or you're their carer there's fuck all you can do.

Our old neighbour was a raging alcoholic and his life and flat were a fucking mess but as he wouldn't engage with any services there was nothing to be done. We tried social services and the NHS for him both said the same.

Maybe it’s time social service types allowed concerned ‘others’ to intervene on behalf of someone. Or at least went knocking on their door in the hope of trying to engage.

Imagine if a neighbour reports suspected child abuse to Social Services for Children and they didn’t do anyth…

Oh, forget it.

[CambridgeBWFC]

25 minutes ago, gonzo said:

Probably sounds a bit mental coming from me but does anyone know how I could get help for someone for addiction to drugs? 

Like a case worker councillor type dude? 

One of my customers is in a whole world of pain and clearly needs help but doesn't seem to be getting it.

You could try FRANK https://www.talktofrank.com/ you or your customer could call and they might be able to give some advise. But ultimately I think as already said, if he doesn't want engage it might be difficult. 

 

 

[Cheese]

11 minutes ago, gonzo said:

This fella is gonna lose the lot.

Trouble is, hes been docs but hes either not telling them everything or they are giving him the wrong help.

He probably tells them fuck all, or massively downplays his problem. Unless you can drop everything and babysit him for the rest of his life, I doubt there's much you can do unfortunately. Tragic.

[boogs]

32 minutes ago, gonzo said:

Probably sounds a bit mental coming from me but does anyone know how I could get help for someone for addiction to drugs? 

Like a case worker councillor type dude? 

One of my customers is in a whole world of pain and clearly needs help but doesn't seem to be getting it.

You may well have already heard of them but look up WHYSUP website or you'll find them on faceache.

Liam is a good mate of mine, he very nearly did lose the lot, and Mark is a big wanderers fan, they get involved with the remembrance group as well.

They may not offer physical help themselves if your man is unwilling to do owt but if you have a chat with them they will probably be able to offer some advice to you on how to go about it, I'm sure. 

Good luck mate 👍

[frank_spencer]

35 minutes ago, MickyD said:

Maybe it’s time social service types allowed concerned ‘others’ to intervene on behalf of someone. Or at least went knocking on their door in the hope of trying to engage.

Imagine if a neighbour reports suspected child abuse to Social Services for Children and they didn’t do anyth…

Oh, forget it.

For kids it's different but adults are expected rightly or wrongly to handle their own shit.

You can support people accessing the help themselves but unless you are family or carer there's not a lot you can do.

[Tonge moor green jacket]

If folk aren't prepared to acknowledge their own addictions, then help is likely to be much less effective anyway.

[Not in Crawley]

6 minutes ago, Tonge moor green jacket said:

If folk aren't prepared to acknowledge their own addictions, then help is likely to be much less effective anyway.

I don't think its acknowledgement that is the issue with addiction. That'll be the addiction.

[gonzo]

Cheers for the replies regarding my post the other day.

Contacted a set up called Horizon here in Blackpool. Pretty mad they are right under my nose where I work in town, never really known what they do..

 https://www.horizonblackpool.uk/

Told the story they contacted the lad etc.

Lad couldnt thank me enough, he set up a meeting with a lass etc.

.....then I get a picture of a pint later that day. Alarm bells ring. Then I get some mad messages at 3am, then 6am. Hes on it.

Same the day after according to others.

Now Ive spoke to the lass at horizon, he didn't turn up.

Nice one. Some people just cant be helped and not sure I can do anymore

Edited June 30, 2022 by gonzo

[Cheese]

46 minutes ago, gonzo said:

Cheers for the replies regarding my post the other day.

Contacted a set up called Horizon here in Blackpool. Pretty mad they are right under my nose where I work in town, never really known what they do..

 https://www.horizonblackpool.uk/

Told the story they contacted the lad etc.

Lad couldnt thank me enough, he set up a meeting with a lass etc.

.....then I get a picture of a pint later that day. Alarm bells ring. Then I get some mad messages at 3am, then 6am. Hes on it.

Same the day after according to others.

Now Ive spoke to the lass at horizon, he didn't turn up.

Nice one. Some people just cant be helped and not sure I can do anymore

Sorry to hear that mate. 👎 You've already gone above and beyond for him.

[tomski]

3 hours ago, gonzo said:

Cheers for the replies regarding my post the other day.

Contacted a set up called Horizon here in Blackpool. Pretty mad they are right under my nose where I work in town, never really known what they do..

 https://www.horizonblackpool.uk/

Told the story they contacted the lad etc.

Lad couldnt thank me enough, he set up a meeting with a lass etc.

.....then I get a picture of a pint later that day. Alarm bells ring. Then I get some mad messages at 3am, then 6am. Hes on it.

Same the day after according to others.

Now Ive spoke to the lass at horizon, he didn't turn up.

Nice one. Some people just cant be helped and not sure I can do anymore

Might sound harsh but is it not worth saying politely sod off with the late night messages etc? Can imagine it was quite frustrating day for you.

[Morizio]

Some people test the water. 
 

Some people aren’t ready to make a change.

 

Some people take comfort in knowing that help is out there for them. 
 

Some people later on want to make a change. 
 

Seems to me @gonzo is that you’ve raised an awareness of choices. 

[L/H White]

Probably the most I've ever been tested over the past 2 1/2 weeks hence why I haven't been on here 

Missus got a bee sting 3 weeks ago, thought nothing off it, then blistering headaches came 2 days later, roll on a week later she's massively gone under, constantly asleep, which isn't like her at all as we've a 19 month old little girl, she can't even look at the light 

Trip to a&e 2 weeks ago, she has a seizure while we're upto 6 hours waiting to see someone 

Scan shows an abscess on her brain then she's off to emergency surgery that night to drain the abscess where she's stayed since 

Still unsure how it's happened, surely not a bee? 

Anyway she's doing great now, and her speech is slowly coming back, hopefully home in the next week and the community team can come and feed her antibiotics via a drip

Honestly thought she was a goner 

Anyway, have we signed anyone yet? 

R

[Spider]

1 minute ago, L/H White said:

Probably the most I've ever been tested over the past 2 1/2 weeks hence why I haven't been on here 

Missus got a bee sting 3 weeks ago, thought nothing off it, then blistering headaches came 2 days later, roll on a week later she's massively gone under, constantly asleep, which isn't like her at all as we've a 19 month old little girl, she can't even look at the light 

Trip to a&e 2 weeks ago, she has a seizure while we're upto 6 hours waiting to see someone 

Scan shows an abscess on her brain then she's off to emergency surgery that night to drain the abscess where she's stayed since 

Still unsure how it's happened, surely not a bee? 

Anyway she's doing great now, and her speech is slowly coming back, hopefully home in the next week and the community team can come and feed her antibiotics via a drip

Honestly thought she was a goner 

Anyway, have we signed anyone yet? 

R

Fuckinellfire

Thats dreadful mate, hope she’s back to normal asap, sounds like a real nasty time.

I think stings can produce a shock that has all sorts of effects. Allergic reaction thing gone really bad.

Fingers crossed you’re all back to normal swiftly pal 👍

[tomski]

Kinell Mate.

Hope your missus and fam all pull through. Grim. 

[radcliffe white]

Hope she’s ok mate 

[Winchester White]

Hope she's back to herself ASAP. Could be some sort of immune response maybe, can the docs not pin it down more?

Anyway, all the best to you and family, must have been and still is a terrible time for you all.

[L/H White]

11 minutes ago, Spider said:

Fuckinellfire

Thats dreadful mate, hope she’s back to normal asap, sounds like a real nasty time.

I think stings can produce a shock that has all sorts of effects. Allergic reaction thing gone really bad.

Fingers crossed you’re all back to normal swiftly pal 👍

Thanks pal, docs & consultant seem to think the sting is a red herring but it all started a day or 2 after 

We may never find out 

 

[deane koontz]

Hope she makes a quick and full recovery pal.

[Tonge moor green jacket]

Best wishes.

When she's right, I'm sure there are tests that can determine if she's allergic to bee stings.

Not sure it's owt to do with the bee, but they'll sort her out.